A recent look at global language patterns reveals that many speech quirks—hesitations like “um,” vocal fry, filler words, and pauses—aren’t random, but nearly universal.
Across languages and cultures, people hesitate or pause while speaking as their brains work to access the right words and shape coherent sentences. These quirks reflect something deeply human: the mind’s effort to translate thought into speech. Rather than signifying insecurity or ignorance, these verbal tics are part of how we process and communicate complex ideas under pressure. The findings invite us to listen with more
empathy, realizing that everyone carries the same internal process behind their words. If the quirks of our speech reflect our shared human experience, how might this remind us to value humility, patience, and grace when communicating with others and with God?
The Speech Quirks Nearly Everyone Shares
When I was in college, I had to take a public speaking course. I'll never forget it for two reasons: 1. We had to give a memorized speech by the end of the semester without using any filler words, and 2. A girl was giving her speech and nearly passed out (that girl wasn't me, thankfully).
Unlike the poor girl who was so overwhelmed by anxiety and fear that she fainted, I've always loved public speaking. It seems to come naturally to me, and I find joy in encouraging others. For most people, however, speaking in public spaces isn't desirable, but a fear. Telling someone they can't use filler words like "um," or pauses, only makes their hatred grow.
The funny thing about these filler words and pauses, however, is that recent studies show they are normal attributes of public speaking. Most college professors won't agree with that, but the studies are alarming. Linguist Valerie M. Fridland notes that "language is about how we encode both the linguistic message and social message. Crutch words are really valuable and have arisen to serve a need." Encouraging hearers to listen for "you know," "so," and "um," can actually help us relate to our audiences better.
A study by Harvard Business Review also notes that these words aren't just useful, but necessary. According to Steven D. Cohen, we say these words because they make us real and human. Again, it's because we are verbally thinking. Instead of saying them out loud, however, Cohen suggests this practice: Before you speak or respond to something, remember: pause, think, and then answer.
"It may feel unnatural to pause, especially since you have responded to questions right away for your entire life. I assure you that you will deliver more powerful responses and reduce your chance of using filler words if you give yourself time to think."
What Speech Quirks Reveal About the Human Mind
No matter if you'd prefer to use these filler words or not, these speech quirks reveal quite a few things about the human mind.
First, pauses and filler words typically indicate that we're processing in real time. If this bothers you, try pausing in silence. Sounds horrible, right? But I have a writing mentor who is a boss at this. When we ask him questions, he will often pause for 1-3 minutes at a time because he wants to give us a deep and well-thought-out answer. It goes against the grain, but it's actually thoughtful and way more informed than those who quickly spew off the cuff.
Second, pauses and filler words often help us translate thought into language. If you've ever known what you want to say, but don't know how to clearly communicate it, that's what I'm talking about. It's better to take your time, pause, and articulate your words than to say something you later regret.
While this isn't always the case or required, we can learn a lot from these speech quirks that make us human. How so? Because they point us to how we should listen, and how we can listen well.
How to Listen Well
In Psalm 34:15, we see that God listens patiently. Anyone who has ever waited to hear from the Lord knows He's not in a rush and will speak when it's time. I like to believe this because just as God tells us to be careful and thoughtful with our words, He's considerate and kind with His.
"The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right; His ears are open to their cries for help." - Psalm 34:15, NLT
There's also an immense value in humility and grace when we communicate carefully rather than spitting out what comes to our minds first. The power of pause or "um," imitates what Psalm 141:3 encourages: "Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips" (NIV). Why? Because wise words bring blessings and benefits (Proverbs 12:14), but reckless words pierce the strongest hearts (Proverbs 12:18).
In James 1:19-27, there is a beautiful passage about being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Remember, God gave you one mouth, but two ears. Perhaps because He knew we'd struggle to hear well and respond better. But friends, God values your heart, not some perfectly polished words. Yes, He desires us to be mindful of what we say, but it's all about the heart.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” - Proverbs 4:23, NIV
Why Is it Important to Think before You Speak?
Today, instead of worrying about the perfect words or how many times you say "um," I'd encourage you to pause. Pause when you don't know what to say. Pause when you think you know what you do want to say. Mull over the details. Give yourself time to think. You could even say, "Let me ponder that for a moment," if that makes you feel better. But what matters is that you listen to hear and not respond.
Try extending grace in conversations that are challenging. And when you don't know what to say, breathe and pause. Release any perfectionism weighing down on you, and let God meet you in the unfinished sentences and strewn together prayers. Because the Godly think before they speak (Proverbs 15:28) and too much talk can surely get us into trouble if we aren't careful (Proverbs 10:19)!
As Ernest Agyemang Yeboah notes: "I choose to choose a few words each day. Yes! few words that count. A few words that can make an impact. A few words that talk much. A few words that can make people ponder. A few words that are indelible. A few words that can leave distinctive footprints on minds. Though we may fail to mind our words, we shall never fail to mind the works of our words.”
Friend, what will your few words be today? Will they matter? Will they count? Will that bring truth and speak life? I sure hope so.
A Prayer for the Right Words
Dear Jesus,
Life is full of "if," "and," and "but" moments. When we don't know what to say or how to say it, help us to know that you aren't looking for perfection, but loving and willing hearts. Remind us to listen well and speak carefully, showing others the same love, grace, and patience you've given us. We love, praise, and thank you, Jesus.
Amen.
Photo Credit: ©Getty/FrankRamspott
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