Seven days a week, my day starts at 6 am, not because this is my preferred time to awaken, but because if I sleep any longer, I will be jarred awake before 7 am by the cries of early-rising young children. The day rushes ahead with breakfast, drop-offs, work, homework help, household tasks, cooking, cleaning, appointments, therapies, check-ins, sports, bedtimes, and baths! Plus so much more than is hard to quantify.
Every mother I know is doing this hustle. We are working from sunup to bedtime and beyond, faithfully serving their families. It’s estimated that women account for $683 billion in unpaid labor. Most employers offer little support for the added responsibility of raising children. Mothers are significantly less likely to find work than women without children and are paid on average 5% less. Women are giving more to their workplace for less and spend more time completing household tasks than their male counterparts. For example, on average, a woman in her 30’s spends about an hour more than men do on housework and caretaking a day. Additionally, women spend an hour less each day than men do. It’s no wonder that so many mothers are running on empty!
Many wives and mothers are carrying exhausting physical, mental, and emotional loads every day. This article explores what God asks of husbands in those seasons, showing how biblical love calls men to serve sacrificially, respond with gentleness, lead spiritually, and help create rhythms of rest and renewal in the home.
As we review the data and hear the stories from the mothers in our lives, one question comes to mind: What is a husband’s God-given role in this season?
What Is a Husband’s Role When His Wife Is Running on Empty?
A husband’s role when his wife is running on empty is not to stand back, criticize, or wait to be asked. Biblically, he is called to love her sacrificially, treat her with gentleness, serve her with humility, lead with spiritual maturity, and help carry the burdens of family life. In seasons of exhaustion, love becomes especially visible through practical action, compassion, and consistent support.
Those who have been called into marriage and are raising children together share equal responsibility for the home, yet women do more of the work than their husbands. While marriage is not always equal, it is a loving partnership. We should be doing all we can to support each other and take some of the stress off our partner's plate, especially when the division of labor is blatantly imbalanced. Ephesians 5:25 puts it this way,
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Christ loves us with a sacrificial love. In the context of marriage, this looks like putting your wife’s needs above your own, serving without always being explicitly asked or always acknowledged for your effort. Take on additional responsibilities in the home, create time for your wife to rest and care for herself, and be proactive in supporting and advocating for her. There are seasons of motherhood that are more physically taxing than others, and there are tasks that husbands cannot always do for their wives, such as walking through pregnancy and breastfeeding, or tasks to be done when a husband is not home. This is not a reason to neglect a husband's role as a present partner to his wife. There are other ways to support mothers even when you can’t do the work for them. Encourage them, offer grace when they show up tired, schedule rest for her, and take on additional household tasks when you are home. Remember, love is shown through actions, through our words, and through the time we invest in each other as man and wife.
God Calls Husbands to Be Gentle and Compassionate
Colossians 3:19 states,
“Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”
Burnout is real, and it can bring out the worst in us. Step back for a moment and truly try to understand all that your wife is juggling as a wife, mother, employee, friend, and so on. Practicing empathy when she is at the end of her rope is such a gift. A gentle answer for your tired wife can go a long way in keeping your marriage strong and encouraging her when she is running on empty.
There are so many moments as a young mother (and I still have these moments as a not-so-young mom) in which I just could not even begin to verbalize the physical, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion I was feeling. There were so many fights I had with my husband because I was worn out and could not give him what he needed or begin to explain my mental state after giving all I had and more to our kids. Too many times, my husband and I offered each other harsh words that pulled us apart, rather than kindness and understanding for the heavy burden the moment had placed on us.
If we had a redo, we’d do all we could to offer each other grace upon grace for those early years of parenthood. Now we strive to embody grace as much as we can as we continue to navigate parenthood with six kids under our roof. The work of motherhood has not gotten easier (if anything, there is more to be done now), but having a more seasoned and kind husband means I can find comfort in him when I’m worn out, rather than harsh judgment that only adds to the guilt in my overburdened mind. Husbands, offer your wives comfort over correction. Be their ally, their cheerleader, and their safe place when they are tapped out.
God Calls Husbands to Serve Like Christ
Jesus was a servant leader. He did not expect others to do all the nurturing, preparing, or providing. He got his hands dirty doing real-life work. One of the most beautiful examples of Jesus humbly serving others comes from John 13. Jesus serves as a servant and washes his disciples' dusty feet.
In marriage, biblical leadership is not domination by a husband or a wife, but mutual service. As women, we have to let go a bit. Our brains connect the dots of life so quickly that we swoop in and take over the running of the home so completely that our husbands don’t feel there is space for them to serve. Husbands need to be proactive, step into the work of the home humbly, and be willing to ask their wives questions so they can learn their system and find out how to help.
Be willing to complete some of those unseen tasks, or become curious about the things your wife coordinates in a day, so you can better figure out how to be involved in the planning that goes into running a home. Husbands remember: love anticipates needs, is curious about what’s going on, and attends to the needs of others. The first step to becoming a servant leader is simply becoming more curious about how your home functions and how everyone's needs are being met, especially your wives'.
God Calls Husbands to Lead Spiritually
Ecclesiastes 4:12 states,
“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
We are better together! We need each other. God knew that alone we are incomplete. Alone, we grow weary so much more quickly. The Bible outlines that God is our guide; husbands are to follow God’s leading, as they care for their families, and wives are to love their husbands, partnering with them in the work of the Lord.
Husbands, as you seek the Lord for your family, ask God to be that third strand that holds you close and guide your forward. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you how to be a source of spiritual strength to your wife, especially when she is tired. Pray for her and offer words of guidance and encouragement as she travels along, trying to manage the many emotions that women carry as we hold our families close to our hearts. Lead by example, not by force. Encourage your wife as she works through how to be the woman God has called her to be. Affirm her as a child of God. Forgive her when she lacks in grace or patience. Don’t be a silent bystander to her life’s work; be her cheerleader and spiritual guide.
Practical Ways Husbands Can Offer Support When Their Wives Feel Burnt Out
Supporting a wife who is running on empty often starts with small, consistent acts of love. Husbands can step in by taking initiative with meals, bedtime routines, dishes, errands, or school logistics without waiting to be asked. They can check in emotionally, ask thoughtful questions, pray with their wives, and make space for real rest without guilt. Even simple actions like noticing what needs to be done, planning time for her to recharge, and speaking words of encouragement can help a weary wife feel seen, supported, and deeply loved.
Create Space for Rest and Renewal
There are a million things I would like to do to rest. There is nothing better in this life than one-on-one time with my husband, but if I am perfectly honest, sometimes I’m just too worn out to create these moments for myself or for my marriage. Women often set the calendar for the home, which means if she doesn’t plan the date nights, the weekend getaway, or sign herself up for a run, it just won’t happen. More than that, when we are the only ones who try to be intentional about creating time to rest and connect, we start to feel unseen and unloved. Partner with your wife and be an avid proponent of Sabbath seasons for your lives together. Mothers are living in a culture in which guilt is heaped on us. We need a voice of reason in our lives that reminds us that we matter, too. In fact, our families are better served when we are not continuously running on empty!
As the primary partner to your wife, you have so much influence on whether she can find the balance and chances to recover (guilt-free!). When you prioritize her well-being, your marriage, and restful practices, she will find the freedom to make these a part of her life. When you leave it up to her to create everything for the whole family, she never really gets a mental break. If you struggle to take responsibility for your kids and home when she is away or engaged in a self-care habit, she also will be mentally burdened and will be reluctant to be consistent in caring for herself. Help create rhythms of rest in the home, encourage breaks, and remind her that she is not defined by productivity. Rest and renewal are healthy for everyone in the home. Mothers deserve a chance to take a breath regularly, and they need their husbands' help to do this well.
Remember, life comes with so many seasons! Parenthood seems to come in waves of intensity, and if you are in a really exhausting moment as a family, remember this, too shall pass. Don’t give up on each other; remember God uses these moments of weakness for his glory (1 Corinthians 12:9). The more you embrace a healthy partnership and are intentional in supporting each other, the better your marriage and home will function through these intense seasons. As husbands, God calls you to love your wife deeply, serve her and your family faithfully, and lead them spiritually. As your family grows, don’t shrink back; step in and show your love by anticipating the needs of the people in your home. Your small but consistent acts of love make a huge difference in this world, where the default is for mothers to do more for less.
For Further Reading on Related Topics:
- Bible Verses About Marriage
- What the Bible Says About Servant Leadership
- Encouragement for Exhausted Moms
- How to Create Sabbath Rest at Home
- Prayers for Stressed Families
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes
