Our world needs men and fathers. Our culture attempts to tell men they aren’t needed anymore, but the Bible gives fathers the responsibility to teach and lead their families.
At the same time, many men believe lies about their roles in the family. These lies come from two main sources. Either a religious or cultural tradition not based on biblical truth. Or perhaps ideas from modern culture encroach upon a man’s thinking when it comes to his wife and children. Further, a man’s number one fear is failure, so he may also avoid responsibilities.
Knowing the lies and truth about the roles of men can give more purpose and peace, however. Here are five lies men believe about their roles in the family.
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1. It’s the Woman’s Job to Raise the Children
Some believe men are simply to provide, work, and make money while the mother raises the kids.
This misconception, rooted in traditional and patriarchal views, distorts the true essence of partnership and shared responsibilities within Christian families.
The Bible encourages a mutually supportive relationship between husbands and wives, emphasizing collaboration in various aspects of life, including parenting. Ephesians 5:25 highlights the call for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, suggesting a sacrificial and nurturing role that goes beyond limited money-making expectations.
This not only misinterprets biblical teachings but also perpetuates gender stereotypes, limiting women to certain roles and diminishing the active involvement of men in the upbringing of their children, and possibly God’s call for the wife to work and make money, also biblical (Proverbs 31). In reality, Christian families thrive when both parents actively engage in the nurturing and guidance of their children, reflecting the biblical principles of love, mutual respect, and shared responsibility.
Challenging these misconceptions within Christian communities is essential for fostering healthy family dynamics, where both men and women contribute equally to the well-being and upbringing of their children, aligning with the broader biblical principles of partnership and shared responsibilities.
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2. I Don’t Need to Be Active in Local Church
A man may limit his idea of responsibility to his job, family, and home, spending all his time on those endeavors. And he might see no reason or role for him in the local church.
The misconception that men don’t need to be actively involved in the local church undermines the communal essence and collective responsibilities emphasized in Christian teachings. This misguided belief contradicts the biblical principles of fellowship, mutual support, and the shared commitment to building the body of Christ.
For every disciple, our spiritual family includes the wider body of Christ, specifically the local church, and men have responsibilities and purposes there, as well. The New Testament underscores the importance of believers coming together as a spiritual family, contributing their unique gifts and talents for the edification of the church (1 Corinthians 12:12-27). Neglecting active involvement in the local church not only hinders personal spiritual growth but also weakens the communal strength and impact of the body of believers.
Participation in the local church extends beyond attendance; it involves contributing one’s skills, time, and resources to foster a vibrant and supportive Christian community. The lie that Christian men can remain passive observers neglects the biblical call for active engagement in the local church, hindering the fulfillment of God’s purposes both individually and corporately.
Further, and secondarily, men should be an example to others and their children of the importance of local church involvement. Children are taught by example more than words.
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3. It’s the Church’s Job to Disciple My Kids
Some men believe their spiritual leadership of their kids ends when they drop kids off at church. The Bible expresses a different model.
The mistaken belief that it's solely the church’s responsibility to disciple kids undermines the essential role of parents in nurturing their children’s faith. Contrary to this misconception, the Bible places a significant emphasis on parents as primary influencers in the spiritual upbringing of their children.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 instructs parents to impress God’s commandments on their children, talking about them at home, on the road, and before bedtime. This underscores the active role parents play in instilling and reinforcing faith values within the family context.
While the church serves as a valuable support and community, it cannot replace the critical influence of parents in the discipleship process. The lie that it's exclusively the church's duty to disciple kids diminishes the impact of consistent, daily modeling and teaching within the home. With this in mind, more and more churches have been empowering parents to do more study and discipleship at home as a family.
Challenging this misconception is crucial for empowering Christian men to actively engage in their children’s spiritual development, recognizing the partnership between the church and parents in fostering a holistic and enduring foundation of faith for the younger generation.
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4. Leadership Means Making Every Decision
Some men believe that since the Bible expresses they are leaders of the home, then they should make every decision and be in control of every aspect of the home.
The misguided belief leadership in the home equates to being in charge of everything reflects a skewed understanding of biblical principles. Biblical leadership is characterized by sacrificial love, humility, and mutual submission within the family.
Ephesians 5:25 exemplifies the biblical model of leadership, instructing husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, emphasizing selflessness and consideration. The notion that leadership entails absolute control contradicts the servant leadership modeled by Jesus, who washed His disciples’ feet as a symbol of humility and service.
The lie that leadership means dominance overlooks the collaborative and equal partnership between spouses advocated in Ephesians 5:21, where believers are called to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. This challenges the patriarchal view that positions men as authoritative figures responsible for every decision in the household.
Good servant leadership recognizes when another person in the family has a better idea or might have a better perspective to make the decision. Also, including the wife and children in decision-making disciples the kids to make informed and healthy decisions in the future.
True Christian leadership in the home involves collaborative decision-making, shared responsibilities, and a commitment to nurturing a loving and respectful environment.
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5. I Can’t Be a Spiritual Leader without Ministry Training
Even if a man understands he should be involved in disciplining his kids and being a spiritual leader in the home, he might feel he needs to have extensive academic training in the Bible or ministry to do so. However, this isn’t the attitude of the New Testament.
This fallacious belief contradicts the biblical understanding of spiritual leadership. While formal training can be beneficial, it is not a prerequisite for effective spiritual leadership within the context of the family or community.
The Bible emphasizes the importance of character, integrity, and a personal relationship with God as essential qualities for spiritual leadership. The apostles Peter and John, described as uneducated men in Acts 4:13, became powerful spiritual leaders through their intimate connection with Jesus and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.
The lie that spiritual leadership requires specific academic or ministerial credentials ignores the biblical concept that God equips and calls individuals, irrespective of formal training. Ephesians 4:11-12 acknowledges that God gives various gifts to equip believers for works of service, including leadership roles. It is God’s power and knowledge that matters, not the man’s achievements or accolades. Good leadership rests in God's might and wisdom, not the individual, whether male or female.
Challenging this misconception is crucial for empowering Christian men to embrace their God-given calling to spiritual leadership. It encourages a focus on personal spiritual growth, discipleship, and the development of character traits essential for effective leadership.
Men have important roles as models and leaders in their families and the local Body of Christ. Also important, men should have a realistic and balanced understanding of their roles from the Scripture and resist any influence from stereotypical tradition or modern culture. As a result of living by simple truth and service to God and others, these men will contribute to healthy families at home, in the church, and in the wider community.
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Originally published Friday, 19 January 2024.