Table of Contents
- What Is Wildflowering Dating?
- My Love Story Did Not Follow the Usual Timeline
- 1. Honest Christian Dating Builds Real Intimacy
- 2. Biblical Wisdom Matters More Than a Dating Timeline
- 3. Intentional Dating Shapes an Intentional Marriage
- How Should Christians Respond to Wildflowering?
- Frequently Asked Questions about Wildflowering Dating and Christian Relationships
- For Further Reading
What Is Wildflowering Dating?
Wildflowering dating is a slower, less label-driven approach that allows romantic relationships to develop naturally without forcing a timeline. “Wildflowering” is a new term for me, and had I been asked to guess its definition, this Millennial plant lady would have assumed something botanical. But wildflowering is actually the new way of being intentional in letting romantic relationships develop naturally, with no strict timelines, no early labels, and no forcing anything to happen.
In a culture where proposals and wedding bells are “supposed” to follow a socially expected schedule, wildflowering pushes back and encourages men and women to develop intimacy at their own pace. This sounds like a healthy thing, and it certainly can be when it’s navigated with maturity and honest intentions.
However, wildflowering can also become an excuse not to be as intentional in dating, such as avoiding the hard conversations and questions that need to be addressed before a relationship takes the next big step. It can also be an abuse of someone’s time, hanging onto the wrong relationship for the sake of comfort. Intentional dating does not mean forcing commitment too soon; it means refusing to hide from the truth about faith, values, expectations, and long-term direction.
So how can Christians respond to this idea of wildflowering? As someone whose love story didn’t follow the common timeline, I’m happy to share a few key things to remember when society tries to force dating into a specific mold. Christian dating can leave room for a relationship to grow naturally, but it should still be shaped by honesty, wisdom, purity, and a desire to honor God.
But first, it’s only reasonable that I explain my unconventional romance:
My Love Story Did Not Follow the Usual Timeline
My own love story moved quickly, but it still taught me that timing alone does not determine whether a relationship is wise. I was 22 and had recently ended a relationship that I had no business being in, secretly dating a 30-year-old guy who wasn’t a believer… Thus, I was a little hesitant when a dear friend set me up on a blind date to a wedding. Regardless, I felt I had no choice but to agree to it (and pray desperately that I wouldn’t end up dead in a gutter).
Less than two months after the wedding, I was officially dating my blind date when he boldly asked me to marry him. I laughed and said no, that he was moving way too fast. He asked again five months later, and I wholeheartedly agreed. Seven months later, we were married.
I often tell people that once you’ve dated the wrong person or two, it doesn’t take long to discover when you’ve found the right one. I guess my husband felt the same because people were certainly startled by how quickly we met, were engaged, and got married.
Despite the shifty looks we received for “hurrying” things along, retrospect reminds me of three key things for the believer to consider when responding to wildflowering:
1. Honest Christian Dating Builds Real Intimacy
Honest Christian dating builds real intimacy by allowing truth, vulnerability, and meaningful conversation to grow at a healthy pace. I’m not suggesting that you bring a quiz to your first date or drill the person with religion and politics on day one. However, a healthy wildflowering relationship shares important truths in a timely manner (not dictated by culture or anyone else).
Wildflowering doesn’t dodge hard questions or use white lies to present a good show, and it isn’t meant to live it up while kicking the can of true intimacy down the road. For Christians, dating with purpose requires truthfulness without turning every early conversation into an interrogation. It’s meant to let two people respect one another enough to have meaningful, truthful conversations that deepen as the relationship grows more intimate.
People often mistake intimacy as a practice solely reserved for sex. While sex is certainly an intimate display of affection between husband and wife, other aspects of intimacy should develop before marriage. Emotional intimacy, spiritual honesty, and mutual trust should grow before a couple considers covenant commitment.
Remember, Scripture is clear that God longs for an intimate relationship with us (see books like Psalms, John, and James), so we can’t neglect the truth that intimacy (outside sex) is necessary for a healthy dating relationship to blossom. Healthy Christian relationships make room for honest conversations before marriage. There should be deep, soulful conversations about your convictions, your personal aspirations, and whether you want to have children. There should be deep, soulful discussions about any heartache, trauma, or anxieties you both carry.
This intimate bonding doesn’t happen by playing an aggressive game of 20 Questions the first time you two meet for coffee, and it won’t happen if you never take the time to be vulnerable and truly understand the person you’re seeing. It only happens when you’re respectfully honest with one another about your intentions and feelings as the relationship healthily, naturally deepens. My husband and I discussed nothing deeper than our favorite music and ice cream flavors on that first date to the wedding, but shortly after, once we realized how much we enjoyed each other’s company, we had a nearly three-hour coffee date where we naturally delved into the deeper stuff.
Remember, when intentions are pure, a couple will have organically honest, intimate conversations on a natural, healthy timeline. Here, both parties are honored with the other’s genuine self.
"Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another." - Ephesians 4:25
2. Biblical Wisdom Matters More Than a Dating Timeline
Biblical wisdom matters more than a dating timeline because age, speed, and social approval do not automatically prove whether a relationship is ready for marriage. I married my husband a few weeks shy of my 24th birthday, which, for most people today, is considered very young. But in my small hometown in Georgia, I was one of the last girls in my group to be married. Don’t believe me? I have five bridesmaids' dresses from my college days to prove it!
I share that to say that you’ll always be “too _______” for nearly everyone. That is why Christians need to seek God’s timing more than cultural approval, family pressure, or fear-based delay. In my hometown, I was almost too old to get married. For most everyone else I’ve met, I was too young. If you wait for the “right” time, age, or mark of social approval to be wise in your dating, you’ll never enact the wisdom needed to enter marriage with the proper respect of its covenantal agreement with God. A Christian marriage covenant is not simply the next social milestone; it is a sacred commitment that should be approached with prayer, wisdom, and reverence. As 1 Timothy 4:12 says,
“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.”
Meanwhile, don’t be like Abraham’s wife, Sarah, and laugh at the idea that God does big, miraculous things through those who would deem themselves too old. God doesn’t bless people based on their age. It’s never been a criterion that you had to be a certain age to meet the person God designed for you to marry. Rather, He blesses people and calls them into beautiful relationships based on nothing but His goodness and grace (John 1:16).
Keep this in mind as you seek to be wise in your relationships, recognizing that God is always readily available to impart His wisdom on those who ask, no matter their age or relationship status. Biblical wisdom in dating asks whether the relationship is marked by truth, humility, spiritual maturity, and a willingness to seek God together.
3. Intentional Dating Shapes an Intentional Marriage
Intentional dating shapes an intentional marriage because the habits people bring into dating often continue into covenant life. If you want an intentional spouse, choose an intentional person to date. Let their actions speak for themselves. Let the present paint a picture for the future. Proverbs 20:11 says, "Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right."
This doesn’t mean you expect perfection or that one or both parties won’t bring baggage into the dating pool that needs to be unpacked and worked through, but it does mean that you only date someone who has the qualities of a person you would marry. Don’t settle because of outside pressure to follow a timeline. Don’t take too long, though, if you’re only letting the fear that others put in your head keep you from making a lifelong commitment.
How Should Christians Respond to Wildflowering?
A relationship can grow naturally without growing aimlessly; the difference is whether both people are willing to pursue truth, wisdom, and God-honoring love as the relationship deepens. Be intentional. Be intentionally honest and wise. And make room for God to speak into your relationships.
“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” - Romans 12:10
Frequently Asked Questions about Wildflowering Dating and Christian Relationships
- What is wildflowering dating?
Wildflowering dating is a relaxed approach to relationships that allows connection to grow naturally without rushing labels, timelines, or major commitments. - Can wildflowering be healthy for Christians?
Yes, wildflowering can be healthy when it allows patience, honesty, and natural growth. It becomes unhealthy when it excuses avoidance, unclear intentions, or fear of commitment. - Should Christian dating always move toward marriage?
Christian dating should be approached with wisdom and purpose. That does not mean forcing a quick marriage, but it does mean dating with honesty about whether the relationship could lead to covenant commitment. - How can Christians avoid drifting in a dating relationship?
Christians can avoid drifting by having honest conversations, praying for wisdom, seeking counsel, discussing convictions, and paying attention to whether actions match intentions. - What matters more in dating: timing or wisdom?
Wisdom matters more than timing. A relationship may move quickly or slowly, but it should be marked by spiritual maturity, honesty, purity, respect, and God-honoring love.
For Further Reading
- How Should Christians Approach Dating?
- Should Christians Be Marriage-Minded People?
- 7 Biblical Relationship Standards Every Couple Needs to Know
- How to Decide Your Must-Haves Versus Your Negotiables in a Spouse
- How Can Christian Singles Decipher Between Love and Lust Before Marriage?
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/kkshepel
