The Lord can rescue any marriage, no matter how close to the end it has come. For couples whose marriages are in trouble, sometimes marriage will be better off if it is permitted to go through extreme difficulty, almost to the point of signing divorce papers and saying goodbye. If yours is one such marriage, these prayers are for your comfort.
New Wineskins and Better Marriages
“No one puts a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment, for the patch tears away from the garment, and a worse tear is made. Neither is new wine put into old wineskins” (Matthew 9:16-17). Father, many marriages are in trouble because old ways of dealing with life are no longer working.
Methods of coping and controlling are pushing a loved one away, and one or both spouses are also blind to your faithfulness. Patterns of communication are insufficient. There is too little communication, too little consideration for one another, and nothing redemptive is going on.
Likewise, perhaps a husband and/or a wife are not talking to and — most importantly — listening to you.
Perhaps a marriage must, in fact, come to a total end so that it can be resurrected: after all, you are a resurrecting God. Lord, provide struggling marriages with new wineskins and new wine to go in them.
Guide your children to counseling and motivate them to work hard at rebuilding. When you resurrect a marriage, you make it new. Thank you, Lord, that you do more than merely stitch the holes but start afresh so that a struggling marriage can be rebuilt for your glory.
Communicating by Listening
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:9). God, when we talk about good communication, sometimes we focus on the best way to talk. But the most important skill of a good communicator is the ability to listen well.
Stir up in troubled marriages a desire to hear one another. Someone has to talk at some point but let there be a redemptive to-and-fro involving reflective listening. Show your people that when an important conversation is taking place, they need to put away distractions such as their phones, the television, the radio, or a video game.
Where possible, please provide role models to spouses; mature couples who are practicing this important skill. Good examples bring the core tenets of a successful marriage to life in a way books and advice cannot.
Digging Deep, Finding Treasure
God, let your servants learn to love well by wanting to know each other. The desire to be known and to see evidence of this is strong. You have numbered the hairs on our heads — you know us. (Luke 12:7). And when a marriage works well, both parties not only want that, but they pay attention, and they want to demonstrate how much they value each other.
The wife dislikes cut flowers but loves potted geraniums and orchestral music. The husband enjoys Italian food and jazz. They periodically provide gifts of flowers, lasagna, and they take time to dance to an eclectic playlist. Feeling “known” is more valuable than gold.
When the woman with the 12-year issue of blood touched Jesus’ garment and was healed, “he said to her, ‘Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace’” (Luke 8:48). He called her “daughter.”
Jesus singled out this woman, not to embarrass her, but to show that she was known and loved. God, help couples to learn how to know each other, how to feel safe to be known, and to long for ways to share the gift of simple but personal and specific consideration for one another.
Make Time for One Another
In Luke 5:16, Luke explains that Jesus was known for slipping away to pray on a regular basis. He got up early in order to make time for God, his Father in Heaven. This was important — making time.
Jesus was a busy man in continual demand. People followed him with questions, diseases, injuries, conditions, and even expected Jesus to conquer death before he would eventually conquer sin and death at the resurrection.
Couples that succeed prioritize quality time with each other. They also remember that the other person is just a human being, so there is grace there. Sometimes, work or parenting simply takes over. But if the intention is there, this can and should still be conveyed.
A simple “I really want to go out with you once we can find a babysitter” reminds the other party that the desire to be together is mutual. Remind both spouses never to assume that the other simply knows how he or she feels.
Father, making time is difficult. Couples might have to hire a babysitter or say “no” to pushy clients and demanding employers. This could mean making a sacrifice of time when they feel pressured to do other things first, but those pressures will never go away.
A marriage can end far too easily. Divorce is expensive but quick. Please, Lord, make a way for stressed and pressured couples to spend quality time with each other so they can grow closer to one another.
Prioritize Your Relationship with the Lord
“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:33). Jesus, you were speaking of material necessities such as food and clothes, but when we seek you first, Father, all of our needs are met in you.
God, remind us not to make idols of our spouses. When we do this, they are under pressure to be mini-gods and what we require from them is far too much — they simply cannot fulfill our needs. In that case, a marriage is doomed to fail.
Show us, Lord, how you are enough, and that marriage is a gift of friendship and discipleship. This is a place of trust, mercy, and redemptive communication. Marriage without the pressure of idolatry is safe, loving, and restful.
For the Couple That Will Not Reconcile
God, we trust that if two people do not come back to each other after a separation, there is good reason in your economy. Your plans for them are still good, but people are sinners, and they are vulnerable to painful and exhausting tendencies such as anger, fear, and unforgiveness. Lord, do not allow anger to become bitterness and hatred.
Father, do not permit your servants, even if they eventually divorce, to sin against each other, sin against you, and harm themselves by hanging on to anger. “Everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire” (Matthew 5:22).
God, when two people divorce, they sometimes want to blot out the other as though he or she does not exist. They call each other “fool” as though to rub out the other person’s value as a human being made in your image.
Lord, keep their hearts soft and protect them from their own destruction. After all, Jesus taught us that our anger is like murder, killing another and also severing us from you.
A Final Prayer for Marriage
Lord, we thank you that there is grace and mercy for those who turn to you and repent when they sin. We are grateful for faithful counselors who teach in love and lead people to the truth gently.
God, thank you that your people are more important than the institution of marriage, but also that you will help a couple to stay together if they desire it in order to truly honor you by honoring and loving each other. Amen.
For further reading:
What Is the Biblical Definition of Marriage?
Is it True ‘What God Has Joined Let No One Separate’?
How Can I Pray for My Marriage?
How Can I Pray for My Husband?
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/eggeeggjiew
This article is part of our prayer resources meant to inspire and encourage your prayer life when you face uncertain times. Remember, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us, and God knows your heart even if you can't find the words to pray.
Prayers for Healing
Morning Prayers
Prayers for Family
Prayers for Surgery
Prayers for Strength
Night Prayers Before Bed
Prayers for Protection
The Lord's Prayer: Our Father
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