Question: "I've heard conflicting opinions about whether masturbation is a sin or not. Can you provide a clear answer and some context to help me understand this better? I often feel guilty and ashamed after masturbating, which impacts my overall well-being. Is this guilt justified, or am I unnecessarily burdening myself with unfounded concerns? I don't lust while doing it, which I know is a sin. If I'm doing it for relaxation and feeling good, is it still a sin?"
Answer: Ah, the dreaded M-word, masturbation. It has become a hot topic in the Christian community, and, at the same time, it is still very taboo. Our culture refuses to talk about it and those who do assume we already know the definitive answer. We cannot have a healthy attitude about sexuality if we refuse to talk about it. Most Christians who adhere to a biblical perspective on sexuality generally consider masturbation to be a sinful act. While Christians base this belief on interpretations of scripture and teachings that emphasize sexual purity and self-control, many are still left wondering why masturbation is labeled a sin and harmful.
Before we dive in any further, let’s define what masturbation is. Masturbation is the experience of sexual orgasm produced by self-stimulation for sexual arousal and pleasure. There is an old joke, "98% of people masturbate, and the other two percent are lying." But here’s the deal friends; 98% is an exaggerated figure, in recent anonymous surveys, over 70% of men and over 40% of women admitted to having masturbated at some point in their lives. Let’s be clear, masturbation is an act of instant, self-gratification. It is quite the opposite of self-control that we are constantly reminded of in the Bible. Self-control is an act of obedience to our Holy God and a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) an act that requires restraint, sober-mindedness, and devotion to God.
Does the Bible Say Masturbation is a Sin?
Before we dive into answering if masturbation is really a sin or not, let's see where the Bible addresses it. Does Scripture even use the word "masturbate"?
1 Thessalonians 4:3-6 says, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified; that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God.”
Proverbs 25:28 says, “A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls. But where in the Bible does it point to masturbation as a sin? Well, it doesn’t. The closest we can come, in that context, is sexual immorality and lust.
Let’s break these two concepts down before we move on. Sexual immorality is a sin. (Ephesians 5:3, Colossians. 3:5, 1 Thessalonians 4:3) Lust is a sin. (Proverbs 6:25, Matthew 5:28, 1 Peter 4:3). In the books where sexual immorality is outlined more clearly, it clearly defines who to sleep with or who not to sleep with (Leviticus 20: 10-21). God instructs his people not to have intercourse with animals (Leviticus 20:16). God tells men not to have intercourse with women during their menstruation period (Leviticus 20:18). What is the common denominator in all of these sexual acts? The sin of lust that happens to be intertwined with masturbation.
While the Bible does not directly say that the act of masturbation is a sin, the lustful thoughts and sexual fantasies that lead to it are.
Jesus talks of lust (Matthew 5:27-30) and in centuries past, lust was defined as a strong desire or craving, whether it be good or bad. Lust is desire without restraint and essentially that is what is happening with individuals who choose masturbation. Masturbation most often occurs when a person is thinking sexual thoughts about someone who is not his/her spouse. The "lust of the flesh" (1 John 2:16) is sin. Masturbation is simply the result of sin.
Many Christian singles choose masturbation to alleviate sexual tension and believe this is an acceptable way to address those needs simply because the Bible does not address or even mention it. However, there are some truths Christian singles need to know about masturbation and maintaining purity.
It is the thought that counts. In Matthew 5:28 Jesus talks about adultery being a part an action of the heart and states - “But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman [or man] with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart”.
Jesus is telling us that anytime we think about someone sexually, outside of a marriage relationship, we are committing lustful thoughts. Many men and women only masturbate while viewing or reading something filled with sexual imagery. It's important to step back and rather than address the act of masturbation itself, look at what the root cause may be and how it is eroding to our sexuality and sprituality.
Importance For Men
Men, we value how God created you. We value how you are the leaders of our homes. We cherish the fact you are our protectors and our warriors. We also acknowledge you were created differently. Especially in the realm of sex and your desires. You were wired as visual creatures. You are turned on by the beauty and curves of a woman. What God intended for good in our fallen world is twisted for evil, sick purposes in the form of pornography and sex trafficking.
God created you to orgasm by what is in front of your eyes. He also created the connection between sexual thoughts and orgasms. Therefore, in order to masturbate, it is necessary to get vivid and exciting thoughts or images into the mind. This can be done by pure imagination, by pictures, movies, stories, or real women. And dangerous enough, these images always involve women as sexual objects. This means masturbation can and will lead you down a dark road where you will treat women as objects instead of protecting and cherishing them as God intended.
For Women
Women deal with particularly heavy shame and guilt around the topic of masturbation because it's such a taboo topic in most christian circles. Rather than address what could be causing the desires and need to masturbate, women find themselves being hard on themselves for sinning and trying to "do better" at controlling the sexual desires. Here again we need to focus on the why of our heart and mind and not the what or our actions.
God designed sexuality and it's awakening in us to be met within the covenant relationship of marriage. We also need to consider that masturbation often fosters the belief and attitude that sexuality is purely about personal pleasure. This perspective can significantly impact one's ability to experience and express sexuality within the context of a loving, committed relationship. Many men and women who frequently masturbate may find it challenging to transition to a mutually satisfying sexual relationship once they are married. They become accustomed to responding only to their own touch and may struggle to connect intimately with their spouse.
When sexuality is viewed primarily as a means of self-gratification, it can create barriers to genuine intimacy. The focus shifts from a shared, loving experience to an isolated act centered on individual pleasure. This can lead to difficulties in building a healthy sexual relationship that involves giving and receiving pleasure mutually. Learning to respond to a partner’s touch, understanding their needs, and fostering a deep emotional connection are crucial aspects of a fulfilling marital relationship.
This self-focused approach can lead to unrealistic expectations and frustrations within the marriage. A person who is used to self-pleasure might find it hard to be patient and attentive to their spouse's needs. The nuances of mutual sexual expression, which involve emotional intimacy, communication, and a willingness to prioritize each other’s pleasure, can be overshadowed by ingrained habits of self-satisfaction and unhealthy masturbation.
It’s important to develop a perspective where sexuality is embraced as a vital part of a deep, loving relationship, rather than merely a means for physical release.
Honor God with Your Body
What if instead of asking "Is it a sin to masturbate?" we ask "Is this honoring God with my body?" 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 tells us: "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies."
The idea that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit means that they are sacred and should be treated with respect and dignity. This passage also reminds us that we were "bought at a price," referring to the sacrifice Jesus made for us. Reflecting on this immense sacrifice should inspire us to strive for purity and self-control, recognizing that our bodies are valuable and worthy of being honored in every way, including how we manage our sexual desires.
This doesn't mean that the struggle with sexual temptation isn't real or that overcoming it is easy. It acknowledges the challenge but also points to a higher calling of living in a way that honors God.
Who is Your Master and What About Self-Control?
One key verse we should read while discussing habits and behaviors is 1 Corinthians 6:12, where Paul says, "I have the right to do anything," you say—but not everything is beneficial. "I have the right to do anything"—but I will not be mastered by anything." This verse reminds us that while we have freedom in Christ, we should not let anything control or dominate us. When it comes to masturbation, if it becomes an addiction, it can easily take control over us, affecting our thoughts, behaviors, and spiritual life.
Another important passage is Galatians 5:22-23, which talks about the fruit of the Spirit. Among these fruits is self-control. When we allow the Holy Spirit to work within us, self-control is a natural outcome. This self-control isn't just about resisting sin; it's about living a balanced life where we're not driven by our impulses and desires.
Now, let's be real: overcoming any form of addiction, including masturbation, is tough. But the Bible gives us practical advice and encouragement. James 4:7 says, "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." This means actively choosing to submit our desires and struggles to God and resisting temptations.
Think about it this way: every time you choose to resist the urge to masturbate, you're exercising and strengthening your self-control. It's like building a muscle. And it's not just about saying "no" to something, but also saying "yes" to healthier habits and thought patterns that honor God and respect the temple of your body. Exercising, prayer, reading, creating art, spending time in community, are all healthy ways to overcome an addictive stronghold.
Is Masturbation a Sin if You're Married?
Once again, we are treading into murky waters. What may be permissible for one person may not be for another. Masturbation is still masturbation if you aren’t with your spouse. However, for some couples, it is healthy when a woman touches herself while in the act of having sex. For women to climax and orgasm, the clitoris needs a lot of attention. It also happens to be placed above the vagina. Therefore, stimulation in the form of foreplay is required.
The argument here could be showing your husband how to stimulate you that way. For some couples, wives stimulate themselves with their hands or showing their husbands how. However, for some, the use of a vibrator to stimulate the clitoris and provide more pleasure for the woman is viewed as healthy and good.
What about Phone Sex with My Spouse?
Where there tends to be shame associated with masturbation, the marriage bed was designed as a place where shame does not exist. God designed sex as a gift and what an amazing gift it is! With that said, the marriage bed should be honored, cherished, and enjoyed as the gift it is (Hebrews 13:4). The marriage bed is a place to be visited and enjoyed often (1 Corinthians 7:5) and it is the place where our souls intertwine, the place where unity happens — a place where two become one (Genesis 2:24). In other words, the marriage bed is a place for exploration, pleasure, unity, and delight.
And in this day and in age, our spouses travel, often for long periods of time. That’s not to say couples in the Bible didn’t deal with long-distance periods either, however, they didn’t have cellphones and Facetime either. We begin to tread into murky waters. What may be healthy for one couple may not be healthy for another because phone sex (aka masturbating together) could open pandora’s box to masturbation alone, lustful fantasies of other people, and pornography. However, for some couples, it is a part of their healthy sex life.
My Final Thoughts for You
Masturbation is a tough topic to tackle. It's the cause of guilt and shame and is still oh-so-very taboo. If you're struggling with this issue, talk to someone. Talk to a counselor, a pastor, or a trusted friend who is rooted in God’s word. If you’re married, definitely have a conversation with your spouse. God’s word says nothing specifically about masturbation. This gives us freedom within the boundaries of, possibly, marriage for it to have a place in our lives. And even then, we must tread carefully. Here are some Biblical principles we can apply when considering the questionable activity of masturbation.
Bible Verses about Self-Control
A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls. (Proverbs 25:28)
Since an overseer manages God’s household, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. Rather, he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. (Titus 1:7-8)
The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. (1 Peter 4:7)
For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace (Romans 6:14).
For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. (Galatians 5:1)
Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. (1 Peter 2:16)
©iStock/Getty Images Plus/wuttichaijangrab
