What Multigenerational Homes Can Teach Us about Family

More Americans are living in multigenerational households, often due to financial constraints, caregiving responsibilities, or longstanding family arrangements.
Adult children can continue honoring their parents without relating to them in exactly the same way they did as dependent children.
Healthy multigenerational homes require humility, changing expectations, clear responsibilities, and a willingness to serve one another.
The gospel reminds both older and younger family members that their worth is not determined by independence, income, or how much they contribute.
Multigenerational families can offer the church a picture of what it looks like for different generations to learn, serve, and grow together in Christ.

At what age can your mom tell you to clean your room?

That might seem like a funny question until you’re 35 years old and find yourself living with your parents again. And you might even have your own spouse and kids of your own. You’re helping pay the mortgage too. But then Mom asks you to pick up your laundry, and suddenly you feel fifteen again.

That’s an issue confronting a growing number of Americans. According to a recent Pew Research report, 22% of Americans live in a multigenerational household. That’s up substantially from 13% in 1970.

For many, it’s because of financial considerations. Another large chunk has this arrangement because of care for an adult family member. While some families are living together because that’s what they want, many are simply trying to make the best of a difficult situation.

I can’t help but wonder what would happen, though, if we looked at this with a bit more intentionality. Might there be a way to lean into being a healthy multigenerational home? Does it have to only come from plans not working out?

Were Multigenerational Homes Common in Biblical Times?

If you visited a typical Israelite family in biblical times, you’d discover something that looked more like going to grandma's at Christmas time—where multiple generations are under one roof. The household was an extended family unit. Multiple generations shared property, worked together, and depended upon one another.

Even in the New Testament, something similar was taking place. As archaeologists have uncovered houses from this generation, they’ve discovered small rooms arranged around shared courtyards. These spaces seem to have accommodated extended families who did much of their daily life together.

You can see a little slice of this in Mark 1:29-31. When Jesus enters the home of Simon and Andrew (two brothers), we read that Simon’s mother-in-law was sick with a fever. We don’t know whether she was just there for a visit, but the presence of family members together like this fits with what we know about first-century households.

Just because this is how they did it in biblical times doesn’t mean we ought to do it today. They had their own problems, I’m sure. Extended families living together in biblical times doesn’t mean they always did so biblically—meaning they probably had many of the same issues we have today.

Why Can Multigenerational Living Become Stressful?

An earlier Pew survey of adults in multigenerational homes also found that the majority said they found the arrangement rewarding all or most of the time. But 23% said living together was often stressful. Perhaps even more telling is that 31% of adult children living with a parent described it as stressful, compared to the 18% of parents living with an adult child.

That means two people living in the same house experience the arrangement differently. The parent is delighted to have their son back home. Meanwhile, junior feels like a complete failure and is embarrassed by his situation. Or he’s frustrated that his parents still treat him like their little baby.

Or you might imagine a grandmother who loves helping her grandchildren. But her daughter might feel like her parenting decisions are constantly being questioned by her mother. Will she ever get a chance to be the mom?

And then there is all the potential fighting about money. Who pays the bills? Who buys the groceries? Are these our groceries? Or should I make sure not to eat that yogurt you just bought? Underneath these practical questions are deeper questions about our place within relationships.

And I think that might be some of the reasons why people talk about multigenerational families as being stressful—they never learned how to let the relationships change. A parent knows how to care for a dependent child, but can they pivot and be what their 35-year-old child needs? And what does it mean for you to honor your father and mother when you’re no longer a child but still living under the same roof?

Learning to relate to one another differently is likely the key here. And I think the gospel provides the foundation for that.

How Should Adult Children Honor Their Parents?

God calls children to honor their fathers and mothers (Eph. 6:2). We see in 1 Timothy 5:4 that this includes children, or even grandchildren, caring for their aging relatives. Paul considers that an important expression of godliness. Family members have responsibilities toward one another—especially when someone is vulnerable.

But you don’t honor your parents at 35 the same way you do at 15. An adult child can express honor through gratitude, listening to advice, and caring for parents’ needs. That looks different for children who are still under their parents' care.

Parents also have to learn a different way of loving their children. That might mean offering help with decisions—but not controlling those decisions. Or recognizing that their adult children have responsibilities to their own spouses and children (if they have them), and maybe figuring out ways to ease some of those burdens.

How Can the Gospel Change the Way Families Live Together?

Think of all the amazing opportunities we have in a multigenerational household to live out some of the fruits of the gospel. Consider Philippians 2:3-8. What would it look like to humble yourself and consider the interests of others?

Assessing your relationship with a verse like this might lead a parent to wonder whether they are offering wisdom or trying to control. An adult child might think about whether they are taking advantage of a parent’s generosity. How can I best love and serve this family member? The gospel isn’t going to immediately settle all those disagreements families have, but it does impact how we approach one another.

Humility may also mean accepting help. I wonder if some of the friction faced in a multigenerational household doesn’t just come from a wounded identity. That can work on both ends of the spectrum. It can be a tough pill to swallow to have to move back in with your parents for financial reasons. It can also be difficult to admit that you need your children's help to take care of you. The gospel reminds us that our value isn’t determined by how much we contribute. Who we are in Christ isn’t dependent upon our ability to take care of ourselves.

The good news of Jesus changes how we enter into all those practical things, too. How do love and peace serve as referees when we make decisions? We still need to determine who should pay the light bill, but a Christ-centered worldview will inform how you make that decision. It’ll keep you from taking advantage of grandma (or the kids).

Again, the nature of a multigenerational home provides so many opportunities to apply the gospel. There are people at various stages of life with different needs, strengths, and weaknesses, all trying to learn how to love one another. That may not always be pretty. But it’s ripe for displaying the beauty of Christ.

There are people at various stages of life with different needs, strengths and weaknesses, all trying to learn how to love one another graphic

What Can Multigenerational Homes Teach the Church?

Jonathan Edwards once said, "Every Christian family ought to be as it were a little church." He was primarily talking about parents' responsibility to raise their children in the faith. But I wonder if there's something else we can learn from that comparison, especially when we think about multigenerational households.

Think about what happens with three or four generations living under the same roof. While there is likely some shared DNA, there is also quite a bit of diversity. There are generational differences. Personality differences. A different level of life experience. Differences of opinion. And much more.

If that family is going to keep from burning the whole thing to the ground, they have to learn to make room for one another and sacrifice personal preferences for the good of the household. Doesn’t this all sound a little like what the church is supposed to be? That observation isn’t foreign to Scripture either.

Consider Titus 2. Paul envisions older men and women investing in the lives of younger believers. And in 1 Timothy 5:1-2, he tells Timothy to relate to older men as fathers, older women as mothers, and younger believers as brothers and sisters. We relate to each other like a family.

I wonder if we’ve lost some of that. It’s not just that we have children’s ministries, youth groups, college ministries, and senior adult ministries. It’s also that we’ve positioned ourselves to assist families in being primary disciple makers (which I think is good and right). But is it possible that, in doing so, we end up centering the nuclear family rather than the church family? So we end up spending our time at church surrounded by people who are roughly at the same stage of life as we are, and then go back to our respective families.

I wonder if we’re missing something here. Each generation within the church needs one another. Maybe as more and more families move towards multigenerational households, we’ll be more inclined to relate to different generations within the church family. Perhaps this can help us with our own misunderstandings and unmet expectations between generations.

The story of the Bible is that God is bringing diverse people together into one body centered on Jesus. And that reality can be pictured and lived out within families and within churches. We don’t need congregations (or families) where everyone thinks exactly alike and has the same preferences. We need ones where people who are different from one another learn how to love and serve each other in the name of Christ.

I’m not saying we all need to move under the same roof to see this beautiful vision. But maybe there is indeed something to be learned from multigenerational households. Maybe Edwards was onto something when he called the Christian household a little church. And maybe our churches could learn a thing or two from what happens when different generations actually share a life together.

Frequently Asked Questions

What Is a Multigenerational Household?
Pew Research Center generally defines a multigenerational household as one containing two or more adult generations, or grandparents living with grandchildren younger than 25.

Does the Bible Support Multigenerational Living?
Scripture does not command every family to live under one roof, but biblical households often included extended family relationships, and Scripture repeatedly emphasizes responsibilities between generations.

Do Adult Christians Still Have to Obey Their Parents?
Adult children remain called to honor their parents, but honor is not identical to the obedience expected of dependent children. Adult relationships require respect alongside appropriate independence and changing responsibilities.

What Does the Bible Say about Caring for Aging Parents?
First Timothy 5:4 teaches that children and grandchildren should care for family members in need and describes such care as an expression of godliness.

Why Does the Church Need Different Generations?
Passages such as Titus 2 picture older and younger believers learning from one another. The church functions as a family in which different generations contribute wisdom, service, encouragement, and example.

For Further Reading

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Mike Leake is husband to Nikki and father to Isaiah and Hannah. He is also the lead pastor at Calvary of Neosho, MO. Mike is the author of Torn to Heal and Jesus Is All You Need. His writing home is https://mikeleake.net and you can connect with him on Twitter @mikeleake. Mike has a new writing project at Proverbs4Today.