If you’ve been around a child for any extended period, you will quickly realize that fairness deeply matters to them. They constantly demand that their siblings, friends, neighbors, and classmates be treated like they are. There has to be a fair distribution of food, toys, treats, love, and time. Fairness is almost always on their mind.
What makes this tricky is that we know almost nothing about our world, and whether it is fair. Each person is uniquely made with different personalities, stories, needs, advantages, and struggles. Fairness is impossible in a world where everyone has their extraordinary God-given story, but accepting this truth is never easy.
It’s not easy for our kids to accept when we see things that appear unfair, and as adults, we often struggle to accept that some people seem to be given every advantage while others appear to have endless hurdles to overcome. Much of the why’s behind the way our world has been made is a mystery that we won’t be able to understand in the land of the living fully but the Bible does give us some clues as to God’s plan for us that can help us accept that things are just not fair for humanity.
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Every Person Is Uniquely Made
Psalm 139:13-16 says, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”
This verse is a beautiful one to have your kids memorize as it affirms God’s love for everyone and spells out the fact that each person has their own story to live. None of us is a repeat; each of us is different, and God knows all of us.
There is such beauty in our individuality, and it means we can’t compare stories. Each of us has value, and God has a different plan for every person, so uniformity is not possible. The Bible prompts us to learn how to be content, not covet, and not compare. We can express these values to our kids at a young age so they can see differences as something God uses and not as a reason for frustration.
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Sin Makes Life Profoundly Unfair
God made us different, but sin, chaos, and evil impact create all sorts of complex barriers to how our stories can be lived out. Jesus warns in John 8:34, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin.” Sin takes hold of us and keeps us captive. Sometimes, the impact of our sin is far-reaching and extends into multiple generations. Exodus 34:7 says,
“Keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children, to the third and the fourth generation.”
Sometimes, the unfairness we are grappling with was set into motion by decisions made several generations ago, and we are still experiencing the consequences of this sin. In our family, we have three children through birth and three in our home through foster care and adoption. There is a vast difference between what my biological kids have to navigate and overcome versus the struggles and losses that our three additional kids have to carry. It’s so very unfair, and often my heart is broken for my children, knowing this is not how it should be for them.
Our family is showing up, doing our best to love each other well, and support each other despite these losses caused by the sins of people we don’t know, going several generations back. Trauma, abuse, and addiction have all stolen from my kids, and the origins of this loss stretch several generations deep.
In our home, we must constantly discuss the different hurdles we face. There is an acute realization that the Christian response is forgiveness in the face of sin. The situations we face may not be fair or right, but it is not our job to judge; we are here to help bring as much healing as possible and offer whatever grace we can, even to those who have wronged us, because Jesus gives us that same grace. Our kids often discuss how our actions impact others, so they can understand that we all play a part in some of the unfairness that we have to grapple with in this world, and ultimately, things will not be resolved until we meet Jesus in Heaven.
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The Christian Response to an Unfair World
While there is an element of mystery as to why our world is as we experience it, we will never fully know why some children are born with disabilities, why racism often fills our hearts, why one person gets sick and dies and another lives, and why one child is born to a stable home. Another endures trauma and loss, and on goes the list of injustices that grieve us and confirm that things are not as they should be.
The Bible does give us instructions on how to respond to the differences we see around us.
We are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves (Mark 12:31).
Showing love looks like not making fun of the differences we see between ourselves and others, especially those others have no control over. It looks like making space in our hearts to empathize with the struggles others face. Offering patience and grace for the ways the differences can make interacting with others more challenging at times, or can require us to give more than we receive in a situation.
We must forgive and be kind to one another (Ephesians 4:31-32).
Sometimes people don’t behave as they should, which can feel upsetting and unfair. It’s not our job to execute judgment or revenge in these situations. We have to trust God to deal with each person’s heart and pray that he is leading them to repentance. This forgiving heart first and foremost applies to our siblings and friends, who usually cause the most frustration for our kids!
We can trust that God is good and loves us (Proverbs 3:5-6, 1 John 4:16).
When life is hard, we cannot lean on our understanding but choose to trust God. We know he is good and working all things out for our good. The truth is that some things take a long time to be made right, but God’s timing is different from ours. He is taking the eternal view. That can be hard for us and our kids to grasp, but the simple truth they can rely on is that God is trustworthy and good and loves us. As they grow, we can continue to expand on their understanding of God’s character so they learn to have confidence in who he is, even when life is tough.
Ultimately, our world is unfair because God gave us a choice. He let us live past the entrance of sin into our world, which was ushered in through the actions of Adam and Eve. Sharing an overview of the gospel from Genesis to the Cross can help them understand why our world continues to struggle under the weight of sin and how God is patient with us nonetheless.
In our home, we love the Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name by Sally Lloyd-Jones. It connects the Old Testament to the New Testament in beautifully written passages that follow the biblical narrative. Find ways to share the Bible with your kids so they can stay rooted in their faith as they grow up.
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Originally published Friday, 27 June 2025.