My Husband Told Me He Isn't a Believer. What Do I Do?
By: Vivian Bricker
"And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him." (1 Corinthians 7:13)
The Bible is clear that marriage must be between one male believer and one female believer (Genesis 2:24). Anything that goes against this is not a biblical marriage. Finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life is a hard task, yet many find great comfort once they find the right person. It can feel comfortable, safe, and secure once you are married to the person who loves you as Jesus has commanded.
However, all of this can come tumbling down in one conversation when your husband discloses that he isn't actually a believer. For example, a wife may be under the impression her husband was a Christian as he said he was, went to church, and even was involved in ministry work, but he quickly discovered he didn't truly believe in Jesus.
Being raised a church kid, he thought he was a Christian by default. He had grown up in church and believed his young conversion made him a Christian. However, now that he had been married for a few years and reflected on his walk with the Lord, he realized he wasn't ever truly a believer.
After hearing that your spouse isn't a believer, it can be difficult not to wonder whether you should stay or leave. Your marriage was supposed to be built upon God, yet you find out your spouse has never truly believed in Him. The first step in making this decision is turning to Jesus. Jesus will direct you in the way you should go. In no way does God want you to end your marriage for any reason; however, He also doesn't want us to be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14).
This is a hard decision and one that only God can help you decide. Your spouse wasn't unfaithful to you, nor were they abusive to you, but they are not a believer. The Bible constitutes divorce on a few terms, including infidelity and abuse (Matthew 19:8-9; 1 Corinthians 7:1-40). Yet, never are we told what to do in the event we marry an unbeliever when we thought we were marrying a believer. This is why you must bring matters before the Lord.
It is easy to think that we can win our spouses over to the Lord if they are not truly a believer. While this can happen, it might not be true for your husband or wife.
Paul tells us:
"And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?" (1 Corinthians 7:13-16)
This passage has much to unpack; let's begin in the first verse. Paul tells us that if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. This can seem like a straightforward answer; however, Paul also says that you cannot know if you will save your husband. If your husband wants to stay married to you and you want to stay married to him, then, according to Paul's words, your husband will be sanctified through you.
Now, this doesn't mean that they are saved. Sanctification and salvation are two different things. Your husband is sanctified in order for your children to be holy and pure. With this knowledge in your heart, turn to the Lord. You can stay with your husband, but there is no guarantee that he will truly come to know the Lord. Sadly, you cannot save him. The only way for him to be saved is by truly placing faith in Jesus (Galatians 2:16).
If you have found it is time to end the marriage after consulting with the Lord, know there is nothing wrong with this decision. It is entirely understandable if you want to end the marriage. During this time, it is important to lean on the Lord and other trusted Christians. It can be embarrassing to open up to someone about this, yet the only way to heal is to talk matters out with God and others.
Choose one or two close friends or family members to share this information with, and they will be able to support you during this time. They can pray for and encourage you. Remember that God is always with you and His love is ever-abounding (Romans 8:37-39). This will be a hard upcoming season, but you are never alone (Psalm 23).
You might want to keep in contact with your spouse after you part ways, but it is not required. It is a hopeful thought that our spouse would come to know Jesus during this separation time, and you will be reunited with them; however, this doesn't always happen. Pray for your spouse and ask the Lord to bring his heart to Him. Nothing is impossible for God; He will bring beauty back into your life once again. Now is your time of sorrow, but there will be rejoicing in the future.
Prayer:
"Dear Jesus, please help my husband come to know You. I want Him to be saved and experience life through Your grace and love. I give all of these concerns over to You and trust You with the future. Amen."
Related Resource: 3 Simple Ways to Feed Your Spouse More Praise
How often do you intentionally stop to praise your spouse? To recognize and affirm their character or actions? Many of us probably cringe at answering these questions because we know we could do better! If you struggle to feed your spouse praise regularly, this episode is for you. Listen in as we share some practical steps we all can take to criticize less and affirm and build up our spouse more. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to Team Us on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode.
