When Love Gets Lost in Translation
DR. LES PARROTT
Lee en español
“Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.” Colossians 3:14 (NLT)
I was working hard — really hard — to fill my wife, Leslie’s, love tank.
Her primary love language is Words of Affirmation, so I unloaded a steady stream of them morning, noon, and night (well, mostly noon and night because I’m not a morning person). I practically became a walking Hallmark card.
I affirmed her gifts, her character, her emotional strength, her brilliance — everything I thought would encourage her.
And you know what happened?
Nothing. No uplift. No sparkle. No visible heart-swell.
Just polite gratitude and a faint look I couldn’t read.
I kept thinking, Wait … This is her love language. This should be a slam dunk. Why isn’t this working?
So I added more encouragement. Bigger, bolder, louder. At one point I wondered if maybe her love tank had sprung a leak.
Leslie eventually put words to what she was feeling: “I appreciate what you’re saying, but sometimes your big, strong encouragement feels like … pressure.”
She explained that my affirmations didn’t make her feel like I was seeing her — it felt like I was expecting something from her. From her perspective, even though she’s all about Words of Affirmation, I was handing her performance goals rather than affection.
It made no sense … until I realized something I should’ve known all along: I was speaking her love language in the wrong dialect.
I assumed Words of Affirmation meant encouragement. Motivation. Rallying speeches. But the words that made Leslie feel loved were compliments — gentle, simple affirmations of who she is, not who she needed to become.
I was cheering. She needed noticing.
That tiny but huge difference changed everything. It explains so much, doesn’t it? Why we try our best … and sometimes still miss. Why our intention is loving … but the impact isn’t what we hoped. Paul wrote in Colossians 3:14, “Above all, clothe yourselves with love.” For years, I thought that meant trying harder, stacking on more patience, more effort, more selflessness. But clothing yourself with love is far more relational than that.
It’s paying attention.
It’s about adjusting your natural style to match their natural receptivity.
The “perfect harmony” in Colossians 3:14 isn’t about sameness — it’s about blend. It’s different notes working together.
And sometimes the smallest shift in how we express love is what enables us to speak the love language that matters most: the one our loved one is longing to hear.
When I finally pivoted to sincere noticing, Leslie’s love tank began to fill instead of draining under pressure. My words finally landed.
If you’re in a season where you’re trying your best to clothe yourself with love but your best efforts feel like they’re falling flat, don’t be discouraged. It might not mean you’re doing it wrong. It might just mean you’re not yet speaking your loved one’s love language in their dialect.
Jesus, help me love the people in my life in the way they receive love best. Give me understanding, curiosity, and courage to adjust my approach. Teach me to love with intention and gentleness, one translation at a time. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
OUR FAVORITE THINGS
If you’ve ever tried to love someone well and still felt like you were missing each other, you’re not alone. Now you can personalize the love you give like never before with The Love Language That Matters Most by Dr. Gary Chapman and Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott.
ENGAGE
If you’re ready to take one small step toward better understanding the people you love, take The 5 Love Languages® Premium Assessment and uncover the unique nuances that make your expressions of love truly personal. Whether your relationship feels strong or stretched thin, these resources offer practical guidance and gentle hope for learning to love — and be loved — in a way that finally lands.
FOR DEEPER STUDY
1 John 4:7-8, “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love” (NIV).
If you’re feeling strong (and a little brave), ask your loved one, “Is there anything I could do better to make you feel more loved?” We’d also love to hear your thoughts about today’s devotion in the comments!
© 2026 by Dr. Les Parrott. All rights reserved.
Proverbs 31 Ministries
P.O. Box 3189
Matthews, NC 28106
www.Proverbs31.org
