In a perfect world, kids would not have to see their earthly fathers walk out on them. Families would not experience broken relationships. And no child would have to suffer harm at the hand of a dad who is supposed to love and care for him or her. The effects of these events – hatred, bitterness, and anger – would not continue to linger, fester, and cause destruction in the lives of individuals and their families.
But we live in a fallen world where relationships are damaged. Because of sin, many fathers shirk their responsibilities as they selfishly decide to follow their own way. Others may be present in the lives of their children but refuse to invest in them. Also, there is the sin of violence in the form of physical, sexual, and verbal abuse, a tragic reality for far too many.
So, when Father’s Day comes around each year, there are many people who, understandably and justifiably, do not want to celebrate their earthly fathers. They have suffered from a broken relationship, an effect of living in a sinful, fallen world.
Yet even in these broken places, hope can break through. Individuals may have been hurt by their earthly fathers, but they do not have to be defined by that hurt. Healing and forgiveness are possible even if reconciliation is not. For the Lord in heaven cherishes every abandoned, forgotten, and hurt child as His own, and offers them a place within His own family. As Psalm 27:10 reminds us, “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me” (NIV).
May the following prayers help us take a step toward the restoration of hope and love from our Heavenly Father, who is always faithful, kind, and present.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Martin Dimitrov
1. A Prayer for Those Who Were Abandoned by Their Fathers
When I consider the family situations of many of my classmates in school as a child, I realize that many of them lived without their dad present. Whatever happened, their fathers were gone, and they rarely spoke about the absence. However, that empty place in their lives surely affected them in some way and probably continues to impact them to this day. Just one choice, yet it created ripples that grew and increased to affect lives in negative ways.
Being deserted by a parent can leave a child feeling as if he or she is not worthy of love or care. The act of abandonment tells a person that he or she is not wanted and is too much of a burden. Thus, the child could grow up with the suspicion that no one will ever want to stay.
Of course, there are many reasons why a father walks away – some reasons more understandable than others. The person not at fault is the child. Nothing he or she did made the parent leave.
For all those who have been deserted by a father, know that you are seen and loved by a far greater Father than even the best earthly parent. When all others seem unreliable, He remains faithful.
Lord,
You are the One that the Bible says is the Father to the fatherless, who places the lonely into families (Psalm 68:5-6). Help me lean into these truths today, knowing that I am loved and cared for, despite being abandoned by my earthly father. You see the wounds in my heart from his absence; may you redeem these hurts and bring healing as only You can. In Jesus’ name, I pray.
Amen.
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2. Lamenting the Existence of Abusive Fathers
Parents are meant to display God’s character in their interactions with their children. Repeatedly, Scripture reminds fathers of their vital role in raising kids and modeling godliness (Deuteronomy 6:6-7; Colossians 3:21; 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12). They are not supposed to be dictators of the family, but loving shepherds who protect and guide their children with wisdom.
This makes the act of abuse especially egregious. A parent should provide for and protect their children, not harm them. Inflicting abuse on a child violates everything in God’s Word about the responsibility of parenthood. It is a terrible sin in the eyes of the Lord – the One who upholds the cause of the weak and defenseless.
As believers, we should lament the reality of abuse in the world, recognizing it for the evil and offense it is in the eyes of God. And for those who are survivors of abuse, they need to know that God sees their pain and cares. He does not approve of the violence that was dealt to them by the hand (or voice) that was meant to nurture them. We can rest in the knowledge that the Lord is a God of justice, and vengeance belongs to Him (Romans 12:17-19). As we wait for the day of justice, we can offer up our broken hearts and lives to the One who was wounded for our sake, and whose hands bring healing, not harm (Isaiah 53:5; 1 Peter 2:24).
God of justice,
You saw what happened even when others did not. You know the pain I have suffered at the hands of my earthly father and the deep sense of woundedness I feel because of what happened. I grieve alongside all the survivors of abuse, past and present, and add my voice to their plea for justice and for the end of the evils of abuse. Scripture says that vengeance belongs to You, and so I am entrusting my pain to You, knowing You will bring about righteous judgment. As I wait, work in my sorrow and brokenness because You are the God who brings beauty from ashes and life from death. Heal me, O Lord.
Amen.
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3. For Those Whose Fathers Were Present, but Emotionally Absent
King David was known for his love for the Lord. In Scripture, we even find God declaring David to be “a man after my own heart” (Acts 13:22, NIV; 1 Samuel 13:14). This shepherd-king exemplified faithfulness and devotion to the Lord in many areas. However, he was nowhere close to perfect.
In the realm of family relationships, we gain an example of what not to do as a husband and father. David had many children through his multiple wives and concubines. He was physically present, but he often did not pause to consider how his actions affected his children. Nor did he consider the emotional turmoil he inflicted by refusing to step in as a parent in multiple situations. His children, including Amnon and Absalom, would have heard about the affair with Bathsheba and the murder of Uriah (2 Samuel 11). What must those children have thought about their father after he had impregnated another man’s wife and then had the man killed?
And when Tamar was raped by her brother, Amnon, she received no help from her father. David did not attempt to bring about justice according to the Law or even to reprimand the offending son (2 Samuel 13:12-22). Instead, Scripture says Absalom chose to take in his sister to care for and provide for her while also plotting how to take vengeance against his brother for disgracing his sister (2 Samuel 13:20-22, 32). Eventually, Absalom succeeded in having Amnon killed (2 Samuel 13:32-33)
The failure of David to be truly present in the lives of his children ultimately led to Absalom’s rebellion and attempt to take over the kingdom.
Though not as far-reaching politically as what David’s children experienced, individuals today are still impacted by emotionally absent fathers. Yes, the care of a child includes working and providing for his or her needs. But a child’s needs go far beyond the realm of food and clothing, like being involved in his or her life, talking, listening, and being present in the good and hard times. When those aspects do not exist, the child feels neglected, a feeling that can continue to linger in adulthood.
God is aware of the need for truly present fathers. When individuals have a parent who neglects them, they can be encouraged by remembering that the Lord is still there. He listens because He cares (1 Peter 5:7). God will always be present in the lives of His children.
Father,
There are so many examples, Lord, of failed fathers in the Bible, of those who did not follow Your teachings and instead went astray. Even David, who loved you wholeheartedly, failed in this area of his life. I know my earthly father is not perfect either, but it is painful to remember all the times he was not emotionally present when I needed him to be. Too many times, he let me down. May I steward these feelings wisely and learn from his failings, so that I can practice being fully present in the lives of others. Perhaps you can even help me to give the gift of presence to my earthly father, treating him the way I wish I had been treated. Keep reminding me that I am loved by You. In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
Photo Credit: Image created using DALL.E 2024 AI technology and subsequently edited and reviewed by our editorial team.
4. Praying for a Deeper Connection to Our Heavenly Father
Based on people’s past experiences, they may struggle with using the term “Father” when referring to God. This is understandable, especially in cases of abuse. However, the need for God does not change.
We should not equate our absent, neglectful, or abusive parents with the character of God. If we read the Bible, we discover a large, overarching story about the Lord’s love for us and His desire to bring us into close fellowship with Him – which is why He sent His Son to save us and give us new identities as beloved sons and daughters (John 3:16; Galatians 3:26). This great God who created all things and who rules as Sovereign of the universe, wants to know and spend time with us. And unlike fallen humans, He will not ignore us or cast us away. Neither will He harm nor manipulate us.
A crucial step in walking toward wholeness and healing from the hurts of our earthly fathers is to pursue a greater connection with the Lord. In Him, we find that He is the perfect Father or Parent that we never had, and so much more. He is also the greatest Friend, Companion, and Guide.
Father,
Your Word, God, teaches me that knowing You is the greatest happiness in life. As the psalmist said, “Your unfailing love is better than life itself; how I praise you!” (Psalm 63:3, NLT). Create in me a desire to know You better, because Your presence in my life has the power to fill the void and wounded places that were left by my earthly father. Open my eyes to see more of Your goodness and love, and that by having a deeper fellowship with You, I may experience greater wholeness. In Your Son’s name, I pray.
Amen.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Marjan Apostolovic
5. Asking God to Help You Forgive
Complete healing from the pain that our earthly fathers caused us cannot come without forgiveness. We may be able to move forward in life and not think of him often, but forgiveness is what will finally set us free from any lingering hatred, anger, or guilt. We must learn to forgive just as we have been forgiven (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13).
Scripture teaches that holding onto unforgiveness ignores the grace that has been shown to us. In the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant, Jesus made this clear by reminding us of the absurdity of withholding mercy when we, ourselves, have been shown great mercy (Matthew 18:21-35). For that reason, we are to practice forgiveness, even if that means we must forgive repeatedly whenever hatred or reminders of past wrongs resurface (see Matthew 18:22).
To forgive does not mean we agree with the actions of our fathers when they hurt us. Neither does it make the hurt disappear as if it never happened. Rather, to forgive is to choose to show mercy to someone who does not deserve it. Such an act begins to bring healing into our lives, maybe not instantly, but gradually we will find we are transformed by offering the grace that has been richly given by our Lord.
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Originally published Tuesday, 27 May 2025.