Have you ever thought at times that forgiveness seems utterly ridiculous? Have you ever questioned if there is a limit to God’s call to forgive? After all, when a brother or sister in the church, our social circles, or our family sins against us, they wound us deeply.
Such wounds can be hard to move past. Thus, have you ever questioned if there is a way to calculate if someone is to be forgiven, or if they deserve to be forgotten? Surely, there is a time when forgiveness runs out! Right?
This notion that forgiveness is limited is behind Peter’s question to Jesus. Jesus had just taught the disciples how to respond when a member of the church sins against them. In such situations, the disciples are to act with grace and care and work to maintain the relationship.
It’s in response to this high call of forgiveness that Peter asks a reasonable question: “How many times do I need to forgive?” In other words, at what point can I legitimately withhold my forgiveness of another?
Jesus’ response, at first glance, seems ridiculous. Not only does he answer Peter by way of a math equation, but he also tells a story so highly exaggerated it is almost nonsensical. Yet, in doing so, Jesus answers three questions we commonly have about forgiveness.
1. How Many Times Do We Forgive One Another?
Before we look at Jesus’ response, to Peter’s question, we need to give Peter a bit of credit. Peter recognizes that Jesus sets a higher standard than Jewish law. The Old Testament continually articulates forgiveness occurring three times.
For example, the Prophet Amos declares to a wayward Israel, “This is what the Lord says: “For three sins of Damascus, even for four, I will not relent” (Amos 1:3). Amos outlines how three sins were the limit of God’s mercy toward a sinful nation.
Given this, the fact that Peter suggests he forgive a brother or sister seven times means he understands that Jesus expands the scope of forgiveness.
Peter doubles the number because he recognizes that Jesus is lavish in the expression of grace and mercy. Of course, even with this recognition of grace, Peter still views forgiveness as calculable.
Jesus responds to Peter’s question with “not seven times but 70 times seven times” (Matthew 21:22). If we assume that Jesus is being literal in his response, then his response maintains Peter’s assumption that forgiveness is calculable and limited. Jesus simply moves the bar from seven to 490. But is that really what Jesus is saying?
Imagine if we lived this way. Imagine if we carried a notebook where we listed how many times, we had forgiven the people in our lives. Bill: 48 times; Loretta: 229 times; our spouse: 399 times! What would life be like if we lived this way?
Where would the community be? More to the point, how could we ever maintain relationships if we kept a forgiveness tally running in our minds? Living this way betrays discipleship at its very core.
As Paul reminds us, “Love keeps no record of wrong” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Jesus leads us into a different understanding of forgiveness.
The point is that we don’t keep a tally on forgiveness. Jesus’ response highlights the foolishness of believing that forgiveness is something we can track or calculate.
The question we must concern ourselves with is not how many times we forgive, but on what we base our forgiveness.
2. Why Do We Forgive One Another?
The parable of the unmerciful servant addresses why we forgive someone who has sinned against us. The story centers around a servant who owes a king 10,000 talents.
If we were to calculate this debt in today’s currency, a conservative estimate would put the servant’s debt at roughly $800 million dollars! The number is so ridiculous it’s almost comical.
But this is not the only ridiculous part of the parable. The servant throws himself before the king and says, “Be patient with me, and I will pay you back everything” (Matthew 18:25). Of course, the implication that the servant could pay this debt is utter nonsense; his debt is so large it can never be paid.
The shock of the parable comes not from the size of the debt, but from the king’s decision to forgive. Jesus says, “The king took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go” (18:26).
The king takes the debt upon himself, he eats the cost, and lets the servant go free. It is an action of ridiculous grace and extreme mercy.
This parable is a picture of the type of audacious mercy and love that Jesus shows us on the cross. As followers of Jesus, we must recognize that 0ur sin can never be paid off by our own effort or diligence.
Yet, despite how big we may feel our sin-tally is, despite how many times we may feel that we have been at odds with God, our heavenly King will always extend loving forgiveness to us. We cannot calculate ourselves out of forgiveness because forgiveness is based solely on God’s loving mercy.
This, then, forms the basis of our forgiveness toward another. We forgive because we have been forgiven. Our forgiveness of a brother or sister is but an expression of Christ’s own forgiveness, working in us, and through us.
When we recognize that Jesus doesn’t have a list by which he tallies whether we are worth his forgiveness or not, we free ourselves from the demand of maintaining other people’s debts against us.
3. Should We Forgive One Another?
Jesus continues the parable by describing how the newly forgiven servant finds a fellow servant who owes him 100 Denarii. In today’s currency, this amounts to roughly $13,000.
While the debt to him is not insignificant when placed against his forgiven $800 million, 13,000 is but a drop in a bucket.
Yet, instead of letting his fellow servant go, he throws him into debtor’s prison. The servant is careless and callous, unmoving, and devoid of all grace. More to the point, the actions of the unmerciful servant do match the actions of the king.
It is the height of spiritual arrogance to assume that we deserve forgiveness in our lives, but another person does not. It is spiritual pride in the worst way to hold that another person’s sins are somehow more punishable than our own.
Furthermore, the refusal to forgive another ultimately condemns us. Withholding forgiveness destroys our spiritual vitality and puts us at odds with the mercy and love of God.
Unforgiveness gives space in our spirit to something with the sole purpose of expressing bitterness and negativity. Jesus, therefore, teaches us that while we may have difficulty forgiving one who has sinned against us, this is the way of Christ, and it is a way we are called to follow.
Ultimately, the answer to Peter’s question is not a number, but another question. “How many times should we forgive a brother or sister who sins against us? Well, how many times has the Lord forgiven us?”
Forgiveness is ridiculous and incredible because it’s not based on any sort of calculation or logical schema that we can subtly manipulate for our own benefit.
Forgiveness of another is based on accepting the free and unmerited forgiveness of God. When a brother or sister sins against us, forgiveness unites us to the Spirit of God in whom we find life and healing.
For further reading:
6 Beautiful Psalms That Teach Us about Forgiveness
What Is the Relationship Between Salvation and Forgiveness?
Do Christians Have to Keep Asking for Forgiveness for Their Sins?
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