Summer sets the stage for serenity. The backdrop is sunny and breezy, the characters lounging by the pool or building sandcastles. Such scenery makes a person wonder what could go wrong. But isn’t that the sad truth concerning the stage? It’s just a script; it can’t mimic all of life’s highs and lows in one frame. Truth be told, it often doesn’t want to. It only wants you to escape, even for just a bit.
While winter depression is more readily understandable, with shorter days and frigid temperatures keeping us crammed indoors, summer depression exists, too. It’s less noticeable, though, because we aren’t expecting it in a season meant for relaxation, rejuvenation, and nautical adventure.
I’ll be frank: I don’t struggle with summer depression. I don’t struggle with winter depression either. But I do struggle with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Daily, I fight intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors that require medication, therapy, and my willingness to accept that my mental headspace will never be as peaceful as a lazy beach day. I share this to remind everyone reading that it’s all too easy to mask what our brains are struggling with. Society tells us to bend and twist who we are until we are wearing a pretty red bow that society has tied too tightly around our necks.
However, a fair warning: If we let society win and continue pretending our internal struggles don’t impact our bodies, hearts, and souls, it becomes detrimental to our well-being, to those who love us, and to our God. It’s a disservice because we are hiding our struggles instead of being honest with others and God. In other words, there’s no room for healthy relationships or God-designed healing when we are consumed by acting.
We forget that life is allowed to have ups and downs, which means we can never understand, let alone appreciate, hope, and joy if we never know despair and grief. Furthermore, we will never know ourselves, who we truly are, when given no choice but to be vulnerable and uncomfortable. If we shut down this vulnerability, then what of conversations with the God who truly knows us? What of repentance? What of trust in relationships?
It’s as if we like to forget that our Savior wept and that pain, sorrow, and hard seasons are unavoidable. So, how can we follow this raw, honest, and vulnerable Jesus in a culture that always expects us to put on a shining (and exhaustive) performance?
Poke Holes in the Narrative
“I thought she was living her best life…” a friend of mine said when she discovered someone she thought was living the dream was in an unhappy, unfulfilling marriage. The woman’s profile pictures showcased nothing but beautiful sunny days with her husband and tiny child, but my friend had no clue what was going on behind the scenes.
“Don’t always trust the pictures,” I told her. And I will tell her again in case she forgets.
Friends, we must poke holes in the narrative that life is consistently glamorous. We must remind ourselves that her beautiful beach body and her little toddler in tow still live in a broken world. She will still have to deal with his sunburns. She will still have to shake all the sand out of her towel and swimsuit. She will still have to deal with his tantrums when a day at the beach leaves him tired and cranky, and she will probably have to do this solo while her husband is at work.
And she’ll never admit it, but she will never share all, if any, of her bad moments with you.
I battle mom guilt every day, calculating all the ways I could have been more present, more patient, and less self-absorbed regarding my son. I see other mothers on social media and wonder why I’m not doing that craft, teaching that alphabet song, or going on that adventure with my little guy. I wonder why the moms are all smiles, and their babies seem happy and cooperative in all situations. But then, I tell myself a simple little truth that brings my perception back to reality:
They have to pack a diaper bag and get that baby in the car.
It sounds too simple, almost silly, but when I remind myself that each mother must pack a diaper bag full of water bottles, snacks, diapers, wipes, changes of clothes, etc., and then wrestle a toddler into a car seat, I remember that there’s no way every second of their day is bliss. Nope, that’s not possible when wrangling an alligator into a car seat, especially in the summer’s stifling heat.
I’m not saying this so you revel in other people’s hard times. That’s never edifying for anyone. But I am saying it’s crucial to find a unique way to tether yourself to reality. You must remind your heavy, anxious mind that no one else is escaping the daily grind of a reality rooted in a sinful world, which leaves you with no excuse but to accept that you must give and receive grace upon grace.
When you poke holes in this false narrative of bliss and ground yourself in truth, you can discover God’s merciful fingerprints throughout all your days. Once you’ve recognized God’s unmoving presence in your life, you can uncover the unshakeable freedom of rest that’s far superior to a day at the beach.
Don’t Ignore the Warning Signs
Even after you’ve accepted that life can’t and won’t be perfect, it’s crucial to routinely check in with how you are doing. Trust me, if you don’t do a head and heart check often enough, your body will tell on you, and, by this point, the warning signs aren’t so fun to face.
Are you easily snapping at your husband and the kiddos?
Huffing and puffing while doing everyday chores?
Complaining about work each day you come home?
Numbing yourself with television shows and other forms of entertainment?
Ignoring a friend’s phone call when you know they’re just checking on you?
Skipping prayer time so you don’t have to be vulnerable?
I’m not saying that some days aren’t more stressful than others, making it hard to keep your patience pristine, and I’m certainly not saying there is any harm in sitting down with your family to watch a wholesome show. However, if you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, and there is an underlying tension, frustration, or even sadness attached, it’s time for some self-evaluation and an open, honest talk with God.
Perhaps your prayer could sound something like, “Father God, I can’t pretend anymore. I’m not perfect, and those around me aren’t perfect. Forgive me for holding myself and everyone else to an impossible standard. Please grant me the grace to do the best I can each day and continue moving forward with a hope and joy that don’t require a picture-perfect life. Thank you for loving me on the good days and bad, and thank you so much for being with me in all the behind-the-scenes challenges and lessons. I love you, Lord. Amen.”
Don’t Hold it All In
I’m not suggesting you spill all of your secrets or family troubles for the internet to see, but I am asking that you are open and honest with those you trust. If you are having a rough day at home with the kiddos, text a few Christian mamas and ask for prayer. If you and your hubby have hit a rough patch, consider finding a Christian therapist who specializes in relationships and family dynamics. If the bills are tight, don’t be afraid to reach out to a friend who has a background in finances and can help with debt, savings, or investments.
Often, we are afraid that if we share our hard times, people will think differently of us. But may I let you in on a little secret? Most of the time, the other people aren’t even thinking about you—they’re thinking, “Whew! I’m so glad I’m not the only one!” We humans are fickle enough to divert the attention back to ourselves, but amid this natural bend towards selfishness, God allows both parties to feel like they aren’t alone. This doesn’t mean your friends and family don’t care when you share your hard times, but it simply means that being vulnerable is often a chance for others to feel less lonely, too.
Don’t be afraid to share your struggles. Not only will you find encouragement, support, and maybe even a much needed laugh from those who love you, but you might offer a sigh of relief to someone struggling in silence.
I have a natural love for scripts and playwrights, and I’ve even done a little acting in my day, which means I’m no stranger to the reality that hits each of us when the curtain closes and the crowds go home. Eventually, you have to leave the glittery costume behind, and the stage makeup must be removed. However, this doesn’t mean life can’t be full of adventure and joy. You still get to hand God the pen and allow Him to create a beautiful story for you, but you must leave room for Him to use the rough spots in life to write something incredible and, I dare say, impossible for your good and His glory.
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Auskteez Tran
