Have you ever sent the wrong email? Or the wrong text message? Meaning, you sent it to the wrong person...but it was about that person?
Maybe you were venting about a person to someone via text or email. But because they were on your mind, and because they were the subject of the text, and perhaps you were distracted as well (as we so often are) — you hit send and immediately realized the message was addressed to the person you were venting about.
Or maybe you accidentally “replied to all” when you meant to reply to one, and the “all” included the person you were complaining about.
These days, at least on an iPhone, you can hit that “undo send” option if you get to it in time (which is a godsend in these scenarios). But a decade ago, long before the “unsend” feature existed, I texted Kevin something about someone, and — you guessed it — I included that person on the text thread.
Then....they didn’t respond. So, the text thread just sat there on my phone staring at me. It was awkward and horrible and a cautionary tale for us all. Friends: don’t talk behind anyone’s back (ever!), especially in any kind of online messaging situation. No digital venting!
In that situation, you have two choices: you can act like it didn’t happen. You can flood the text thread with pics, memes, and other content, just hoping they will miss it.
Or, if you are a mature person, your other option is simply to own it and apologize. That’s what I did in that scenario. (I sent a Starbucks card for good measure too.) The person forgave me, thankfully, even though I didn’t deserve it.
But a few years ago, the same thing happened...this time in reverse. I received a text that was about me but not intendedforme.
And it was filled with things the texter never wanted me to see. It expressed some opinions about me, and they weren’t very flattering. The texter eventually called me to apologize.
Now, here’s what’s funny, and so human. I did not want to forgive the person. I was like, “No. That’s rude. I’m done.” I was really resentful.
But God brought to mind my text mistake from a few years earlier, and I felt the Spirit saying to me, “How can you not forgive this person when you have literally done the exact same thing and been forgiven for it?” I was like, “Okay God, I hear you.” And I chose to forgive this person, even though it was difficult.
We are all people in need of forgiveness, and therefore, we ought to be people who readily forgive others.
But those situations — those are just embarrassing texts — a social faux pas. What if you are the recipient of greater harm? What if you have experienced betrayal, abandonment, abuse, neglect, lies, or mistreatment?
What Does the Bible Have to Say about Forgiveness?
In Matthew 18:21-35, Jesus talks about forgiveness by telling a story about the unmerciful servant. Forgiveness, according to this parable, is:
1. Ongoing (continual and often)
2. Disruptive (to toxic systems)
3. Costly (not a “feeling”)
4. Communal (has a ripple effect)
5. Obedient (worship)
6. Supernatural (a sign of a transformed heart)
Over this three-part series, we’ll unpack what Jesus means.
Forgiveness Is Ongoing
I love Peter’s question here:
“How many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:21-22).
This is the human question. How many times do I have to forgive that person?
We want to quantify the number of times we are supposed to forgive, almost like a tally, so that we can finally walk away and stop spending our emotional energy.
We want to justify our unforgiveness before God and other people. We want to be like, “Look, I forgave this person multiple times, so I’m done.” If we can say that, then we can sort of wash our hands of the person.
So, that’s part of why I love Peter’s question here, so seven times, Jesus, is that a good number? It’s so very human to ask this.
But Jesus responds simply, Nope, you have to forgive seventy-seven times, or seven times seventy.
This phrase — seventy-seven or seven times seventy — isn’t literal, but it is literary. Seven is a number of wholeness or completeness in Scripture.
For instance, God created everything in Genesis, and that story of creation is repeated seven times over seven days.
Seven in Scripture is what’s known as an “indeclinable number,” which means, it can’t be denied or changed. And that also means, “seven times seventy” is an expression.
Basically, Jesus is using this expression to mean we can’t ever stop forgiving each other if we are children of God.
The point is forgiveness in any meaningful, intimate relationship is not a one-time act. It is ongoing. We are called by Jesus to continually forgive each other, again and again. Why? because our broken humanity bumps up against other broken humans again and again.
We hurt each other again and again. The act of forgiveness in any meaningful relationship will require repetition. And because Jesus has forgiven us (again and again), how dare we withhold forgiveness from anyone else?
The other nuance Jesus intends here is to say that the act of forgiveness, based on the impact or the level of harm, might require more than a one-and-done decision.
As the offense comes up in your mind, sometimes it’s a daily decision to forgive, until you are finally able to release the feelings of bitterness. In this way, forgiveness is ongoing and often bears repeating.
Forgiveness Is Disruptive
As Jesus begins his parable to Peter, he says,
“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all he had be sold to repay the debt” (Matthew 18:23-25).
In an ideal world, without sin, we would never need to offer or receive forgiveness because we would not harm one another. But as Jesus tells this story, we get the idea that this entire system is broken.
The servant owed the King a lot of money, and the only option would be for him to sell his wife, his children, himself, and all he owned, in order to repay his debt. When we read this, it should feel like a shocking trade-off.
The entire world in which this parable is taking place is corrupt. It’s a world where people are bought and traded, where the way of this world is commodification and using people.
So, within that structure, relationships are broken, and power distance dynamics are toxic.
Maybe in that system, if you can find a merciful ruler anywhere, you might expect that king to say, “Okay, you can pay me back, but it has to be with interest.”
Or an even more merciful king might say, “Okay you can pay me back over time...in installments, without interest.” That would have been very compassionate.
But the king in the parable — a King like God — does something unexpected.
1. He subverts the entire toxic system.
2. He undermines the entire power structure.
3. He disrupts the entire way of life in the land.
4. He disrupts the economy.
5. He disrupts the known way of running things.
6. He even disrupts the way that would benefit him.
This Master says, “Your debt is canceled. You do not owe me anything. You definitely don’t need to sell yourself or your family to pay me back.”
The point Jesus is making is this: out of a compassion we don’t deserve, God forgives our sins and our wrongdoings — and that’s a radical subversion of the world’s way of doing things.
The world we live in has a revenge economy. We live in a you will pay me what I am owed economy. But forgiveness in the way of Jesus says something else entirely.
It says, "I will not make you an object or a commodity. You will not owe me as if I own you. You will be free.”
As we forgive others who don’t deserve it, as we release grudges, as we cancel debts, we show the world a vision of the subversive, disruptive Kingdom of God, and we sow seeds of dignity and peace instead of discord and pain.
Our forgiveness is a signpost of the kingdom of God. It’s witness to our King. When we forgive each other, we declare that we will not be people who give into the world’s way of smallness, pettiness, vengeance, and scarcity.
No, we will have expansive souls and expansive hearts because we are citizens of Heaven, and we bow down to a forgiving King.
We point to God’s goodness and God’s disruptive kingdom every time we choose to forgive.
For further reading:
6 Beautiful Psalms That Teach Us about Forgiveness
What Is the Significance of Seventy-Times Seven in Forgiveness?
Do Christians Have to Keep Asking for Forgiveness for Their Sins?
Photo Credit:iStock/Getty Images Plus/Antonio Guillem
