The topic of kissing before marriage is filled with mixed emotions for many Christians. Many of the Christian couples I have known waited until their actual marriage day to have their first kiss, whereas other Christian couples I have known did not wait until marriage to have their first kiss.
Since this is a difficult topic and drenched in taboos, not many Christians openly talk about this topic. More needs to be spoken about kissing before marriage in order to help Christian couples know what the Bible says.
What Does the Bible Say?
The Bible never specifically mentions kissing before marriage. However, the Bible does tell us to avoid sexual immorality, which includes abstaining from sex until marriage (1 Corinthians 6:18, 7:2).
Since kissing is technically not sexual intercourse, many believe kissing before marriage is not a sin, yet there are many who believe kissing should not be done until the wedding day. Ultimately, the decision comes down between the Christian couple and God.
It is a matter of the heart and the Christian couple's intentions. Kissing in and of itself is not sin, yet if it would lead one or both of the Christians to fall into temptation, it should not be practiced.
As Christians, we should never do anything that would cause another Christian to fall into sin (Romans 14:13; 1 Corinthians 8:9).
Therefore, if you know that you and your boyfriend/girlfriend would fall into temptation if you kissed before marriage, it would be best to abstain from kissing until your wedding kiss.
Many of the Christian couples I have known decided to do this, and it helped prevent them from falling into temptation.
On the other hand, it could be awkward to share your first kiss in front of everyone at your wedding reception.
This was a fear of one of my friends who had decided she and her fiancé would not kiss until their wedding day. Despite this fear of hers, everything did go fine and as planned.
Even though the Bible doesn’t directly tell us directly about kissing before marriage, we do have the Holy Spirit inside us. He leads, directs, and guides us in our walk with Christ.
By meditating on the Bible, consulting God in prayer, and yielding to the Holy Spirit, each individual Christian will be able to make the right decision when it comes to kissing.
As established, kissing in and of itself is not a sin, but if it leads you into temptation, it is best to avoid this temptation. When you are dating another believer, it should be with the mindset of seeing if this person is someone you want to marry.
Christians should not just “date around.” Be open in communication with your boyfriend or girlfriend and establish boundaries early on.
If you are uncomfortable with kissing or you feel it could lead you both into temptation, be open and tell them. Your boyfriend or girlfriend should respect your boundaries. If they don’t respect your opinion and boundaries, then it would be best to stop seeing this person.
It is to be noted that kissing is not the same as making out. Making out goes further and puts an increased risk of falling into sin or being tempted into sex before marriage. Kissing is short, gentle, and to the point.
While the Bible doesn’t specifically talk about making out, similar to romantic kissing, it does speak about sexual immorality.
Ephesians 5:3 says, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.”
As Paul tells us, we cannot even let the slightest bit of impurity or sexual immorality creep into our lives.
God wants us to live holy and pleasing lives to Him (Romans 12:1). He does not want us to engage in sinful behaviors of any kind, including sexual immorality.
Romance is not a sin, as God did create romance and love between a husband and a wife, but He does not want sin to invade this sacred bond.
Before marriage, a boyfriend and girlfriend need to consult God concerning whether kissing is okay or not. While kissing is not a sin in and of itself, it can cause many believers to be led into temptation.
Just because some believers are led into temptation by kissing does not mean all believers will. This is a matter for you to decide between you, God, and your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Dating and Marriage
Dating and marriage are not the same things. Dating believers cannot do the same things as married believers can, as marriage is a sacred vow before God.
When two believers are dating, they are getting to know each other and are discerning if their boyfriend or girlfriend is the person they want to marry.
During this time is when the two believers need to be building trust between each other. Two Christians should date one another without being influenced by sexual attraction.
God has specifically told us sexual intimacy is for marriage. The Lord doesn’t want us to have this bond with just anyone because when a dating relationship ends, it can cause a lot more pain if there was sexual intimacy before marriage.
The Bible tells us at the time of marriage, the wife and husband become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). As one can imagine, ripping one flesh apart can be quite painful.
When intimacy is shared between two individuals, vulnerability is exposed, and this is only safe within the confines of marriage.
Why Does This Matter?
A gentle kiss is fine as long as it will not cause you or your partner to fall into sin. As I have previously stated, many of my Christian friends decided to wait until their wedding day to kiss their wife or husband, while others kissed during dating, and it did not lead them into sin.
Ultimately, the decision to kiss during dating is between you, God, and your boyfriend or girlfriend. If you have come to the knowledge that you feel it would be too tempting to fall into sin, then it would be best to avoid kissing.
On the other hand, if you feel you and your boyfriend or girlfriend will not be tempted into sin by kissing, then that is fine too. The main idea to keep in our minds is that we are to glorify God in our actions and to avoid causing any of our fellow believers to stumble.
Thus, the Bible does not say anything particularly about kissing before marriage, yet it does speak to great lengths about sexual immorality. As Christians, we need to be mindful of our emotions and not let our emotions cloud our judgment.
We need to stick to our boundaries and know our own limitations. By knowing our own limitations and struggles, we will be able to better avoid sin and the aftereffects of participating in sin.
Kissing before marriage can cause a great deal of different emotions in our hearts, yet we cannot let our emotions override our knowledge and convictions. It is better to avoid something if we think it will, in fact, lead us into sin.
Whether you feel it is personally okay to kiss before marriage or not, that is between you and God. However, do not judge others if they have different views than you. Everyone is entitled to their own personal opinion, and each knows their own personal struggles and temptations.
For further reading:
How Should Christians Approach Dating?
How Do Christian Singles Date?
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