Victim mentality. We often blame younger generations for having it, but if we’re honest with ourselves, we struggle with it too. In fact, it’s been happening since the beginning of time.
In Genesis 3, we see something really interesting happen. The moment Adam and Eve get caught in sin . . . they act like victims. “She gave me the fruit.” “Well, the serpent deceived me.”
We will define victim mentality in a moment as well as consider why it’s so dangerous in Christian circles. But something we should note is that victim mentality blockades repentance. We can never repent unless we first acknowledge that we must take responsibility and blame.
Victim mentality is one of Satan’s weapons against Christians today. Let’s explore what it is, its root cause, and telltale signs of it in the church.
We should also add the caveat that victim mentality and actual victims are two completely separate entities. Those who have been abused should be taken seriously. And people who experience true tragedy should receive sympathy from others. We don’t want to be Job’s friends, after all.
What Is Victim Mentality?
Victim mentality is when someone feels that bad things are consistently happening to them, regardless of what others may say or object to. Remember, there is a difference between bad things happening and the person feeling that bad things are happening.
An example can be an intervention with a family member who pushes boundaries, causing friction in the family dynamic. The person will play the victim rather than listen and acknowledge the family’s concerns and hurts. They may claim that the family is conspiring against them with ill intentions. As a result, nothing is resolved. Escalation and hostility arise.
This is just one of many examples that can happen in various communities. It can happen in workplace environments, congregations, clergy, classrooms, athletic teams, etc. The victim mentality can happen anywhere within just about any community function.
What Is the Root Cause of Victim Mentality?
Going to worldly definitions will probably provide different definitions than the root causes that the Bible indicates. However, the best psychology confirms biblical truth, so we will explore both.
Psychology tells us that it can be rooted in trauma or pain. Maybe someone had been hurt once in the past, so any perceived hurt in the present makes them out to be a victim.
Sometimes it stems from a need to be wanted, accepted, and validated. People tend to have more sympathy for victims than they do for perpetrators. At least, we should hope they do.
But what’s a biblical perspective on this? Why do people who are Christians exercise a victim mentality?
We can think of a few reasons.
Bitterness
“Bitter Christian” seems like an oxymoron. We should be filled with joy, peace, and all the other fruits of the Spirit. Yet bitter believers do exist.
I believe that this stems from a modern entitlement mentality. “I deserve this, and I didn’t get this. Therefore, I am a victim.” If we’re honest with ourselves, every generation, every person, does this to some degree. We see this with Jonah’sbitterness when God takes away the plant that God had planted to give shade (Jonah 4).
Sadly, this bitterness can also be waged against God. We may feel bitter that God didn’t craft our lives based on our plans—what we wanted to happen.
Attention
Have you ever met someone who acts like a martyr all the time? Where everything never seems to go right for them, and they can never be truly happy?
This sadly does happen in Christian circles. It likely stems from a need for attention, for people to sympathize with them. To feel sorry for them.
We can see this in the older brother in the prodigal son story. He pouts outside and complains that nothing in life has gone right for him, even though he did all the right things. He waits for the father to leave the party to go out to him so that he can voice his complaints. Sounds like a textbook victim mentality.
Guilt
No one likes to take the blame for their actions. Like in the case of Adam and Eve, they tried to act like victims. They acted like the situation was out of their hands, so “of course” they fell into sin.
Victim mentality can often stem from the guilt we feel when sinning. We will justify all the reasons as to why we fell into temptation.
Grief
As someone who has dealt with personal loss before, I (Trey) completely understand the pain of sadness, anger, confusion, and depression that comes with grief. Grief must be processed to be overcome as God grows us in deeper ways than we imagined.
The danger is staying in that grief for long periods. As a result, not only does this affect the “victim.” It affects those around them for the worst. C.S. Lewis lays this out well in his novel The Great Divorce. Chapter 11 features a character who refuses to enter heaven. The character could not overcome grief at her son’s death while on earth and still refuses to move past it. When other reveals that she made other family members’ lives hard, she plays the victim. She accuses her family of not understanding her pain. She even accuses God of being inconsiderate of her grief.
We can point to several other biblical reasons for such an attitude, but it boils down to pride. We want our lives to be a certain way and don’t like how God has changed our plans. So we complain.
Where Is Victim Mentality in the Bible?
There are multiple examples of victim mentality in the Bible, but there are two that we will focus on, one from each testament.
The Parable of the Rich Man and Lazarus
In Jesus’ parable, the Rich Man has more wealth than he can spend, especially in comparison with Lazarus the beggar at his doorstep. When they both die, the rich man is cast down into hell while Lazarus is at “the bosom of Abraham” in the heavens. Rather than recognizing the errors of his ungodly life, the rich man plays victim for himself and his family. He claims that unless his brothers see evidence of someone from the dead, they won’t have a chance of believing that hell exists. Father Abraham responds that they have the laws of Moses and the prophets, and if they do not believe those, they will not believe a person who has risen from the dead.
The Story of the Prophet Jonah
We all know this story very well (Thanks, VeggieTales). Jonah runs away from God’s calling by ship to Tarsus, only to be redirected back to Nineveh after being swallowed by a large fish. When he returns to his mission, Jonah does what is asked and gets the city to repent before fire and brimstone arrive.
Rather than Jonah being joyful for Nineveh repenting, he awaits for God to call down fire and brimstone upon the city. While Jonah waits, God makes a plant grow for him for shade, only to have it rot the next day. Jonah cries out to die. God humbles Johnah by stating that his mercy is greater than his wrath and that Jonah has more pity for the plant than over 120,000 people. The pagan people of Nineveh were more humbled by God than Jonah, a literal prophet.
Do We Need to Watch Out for Victim Mentality in the Church?
We can pinpoint all the examples of victim mentality in the church, but look out for these three telltale signs.
Someone Can Do Nothing Wrong
Whether this person is in leadership or a parishioner, if all their actions—even the sinful ones—are constantly justified, they are probably exercising a victim mentality. If the blame seems to shift to anyone else but themselves, you may see a classic victim mentality.
Someone Complains about Every Little Thing
If tragedy befalls someone, then we should pray for them. Have sympathy for them. But if everything is a tragedy, it may be time for someone to consult a pastor or a therapist.
Someone Refuses to Repent When Confronted
Church discipline is never easy. And it’s never easy to exhort a fellow brother or sister in Christ, asking them to repent.
If someone is unwilling to see how they may have caused harm, they may be subject to a victim mentality.
How Can We Avoid Victim Mentality?
As Christians, we need to be in constant humility as we observe our personal lives, not only in how we treat others but also in how we treat ourselves. Failing to do so can lead to a dismantling of relationships and self-pity, and if we are confronted and called out, we will refuse to take responsibility due to our pride, stubbornness, and guilt. Do we want to be humbled despite the embarrassment and acknowledgment of mistakes like David, Paul, and the woman caught in adultery? Or will we double down in our sinful behavior, causing more friction and division like King Saul, Jonah, and the Pharisees?
Photo Credit: © Getty Images/Boonyen
Hope Bolinger is an acquisitions editor at End Game Press, book editor for hire, and the author of almost 30 books. More than 1500 of her works have been featured in various publications. Check out her books at hopebolinger.com for clean books in most genres, great for adults and kids. Check out her editing profile at Reedsy.com to find out about hiring her for your next book project.
Trey Soto holds a B.A. in Communication Studies from Biola University and an M.A. in Communication Management from the University of Denver. He is a photographer, a writer, and a podcast host at T.V. Trey Podcast. You can see more of his work on his Wix portfolio.
