Why are we talking about a post-Christmas crash already? Bear with me as I explain the answer. According to a recent poll by the American Psychiatric Association, winter descends with a rude awakening in the form of depressed mood for 40% of us. This condition is known as seasonal affective disorder (SAD).
Temporal depression makes sense. Winter months—at least in North America—offer less sunlight. Meanwhile, sunlight is a potent factor in maintaining a hormone called serotonin, which helps regulate our mood. Less sunlight can therefore lead to less mood regulation. If you’re one of those 40% who are prone to feeling depressed during winter, consider light therapy. It can range from soaking as much morning sun as possible to sitting in front of a light box. Check with a medical or mental health professional if this option intrigues you.
There are other ways to prevent your mood from crashing during winter. However, they require more planning than buying a single item (read: the light box) or taking an intentional stroll in the morning. Indeed, for the following 3 strategies to work, you’ll have to devote effort and persistence all year round. Which is why today is a good time to start implementing these steps.
1. Deal with Unmet Hope and Expectations
A recent survey reveals that 81% of the participants—covering almost 15,000 people from 18 countries—named Christmas to be the most awaited time of the year. The festive season deserves the survey result. Not because of Santa Claus or commercial hype, but because is there any other birth that merits more celebration than that of the Savior of the whole world?
It’s right to celebrate God’s greatest gift to humankind by exchanging gifts with one another. It’s also right to share our joy with those closest to us, friends and family alike. But let’s also work on bouncing back if your hopes and dreams for December 25 aren’t met. Unmet expectations can lead to disastrous consequences.
Here comes an example from my own world. One evening, I drove home expecting to spend time and reconnect with my husband after a long day at work. Communicating via texts was no match for sitting side by side on the couch, catching up with each other, while watching warm flames dance in the fireplace. But the cozy mental image I was busy painting vanished the moment I turned the corner and spotted our empty driveway.
No car.
John wasn’t there.
How come? He had told me he planned to arrive home before me.
When he finally opened the front door, I exploded in anger. “Where were you? Why didn’t you tell me you were going to be late?”
Let’s skip the horrid details of the fight that followed. The point is, unfair as it was, poor John found himself berated by his irritated wife, simply because of an unmet expectation.
What is it that you hope Christmas will bring? A big bonus? Reconciliation with an estranged family member? Maybe a ring on that finger? It’s okay to hope. In fact, God wants us to function in hope (see 1 Corinthians 9:9-10). But don’t let an unmet hope ruin the rest of the season. As Scripture says, hope deferred makes the heart sick (Proverbs 13:12). So, don’t defer your hope. Christmastime may not bring with it the fulfilment of your dream, but keep hoping.
The Message Bible’s version of this verse hints at another way to guard against winter depression.
2. Don’t Pin All Happiness on Christmas
“Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick.” - Proverbs 13:12, MSG
As a psychologist, I can attest to the veracity of this paraphrase. Repeat disappointment adds up to one huge glob of despair, culminating in depression, which is why it’s imperative to work on the not-so-pleasant parts of life. You may already pick this up, but working on the ugly side of life isn’t a popular MO. Our society favors what’s fun and fine. The thing is, it’s unwise to keep our focus only on these upbeat experiences while religiously avoiding their more upsetting cousins.
A common way people do so is by ignoring their problems while pinning their hopes on a milestone. Something grand. For instance, say you hate your job. Your apartment is too cramped, making you wish every day that you could move. Also, you can’t stand your bickering family. If you ignore these problems instead of working to improve your relationships and make your job a better experience, because at least you’ll get a week off for Christmas, you’re at risk of feeling depressed after the holiday is done and gone.
There’s a better way: work on bettering those parts of your life that feel miserable. That way, whether it’s Christmas or not, you’ll have a superior quality of life overall. Shout out to you if you’re grieving. It’s easy to want to avoid Christmas because mourning doesn’t go hand in hand with the fun and festivities surrounding the holiday. But please don’t cancel Christmas just because you lost someone (or something) of value. Slogging through winter without giving Christmas so much as a nod means you’re also cheating yourself out of a natural source of joy.
3. Work on Your Life
I can only write what I’ve experienced. The reason I can suggest this step is because I’ve worked on myself—and continue to do so. Which means I sat down with John and apologized for my outburst because he came home later than expected that night. My husband explained how he came home late because he accidentally left his wallet at work and had to double back to collect it. That dialogue with John was crucial to restoring the peace in our relationship. But I didn’t stop there. I also looked inward to examine the pathway that led up to our fight.
Do you have a reliable way to do it? My favorite is Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. Practicing this model helps me be curious and develop compassion for myself, including when I behave in ways I’m not proud of. The initial sequence of events happened within seconds: turning around the corner. Spotting our house’s empty driveway. I realized how my husband wasn’t home to greet me. And then, the bonanza—exploding in anger the moment John came home.
PLUS bonus! Click to download a printable prayer journal for the Holidays.
Applying IFS principles helped me slow down. It wasn’t until I retraced the successive steps and asked myself with genuine curiosity—why were you so aggravated?—that insight dawned. The anger I showed toward John was there to protect disappointment, a far more tender emotion. After all, I had longed to be with my sweetheart all day long. His schedule predicted that he would be home earlier than I; therefore, I expected to see him when I rounded the corner to our house. When this hope was dashed, anger stepped in to protect me from feeling the full weight of the crushing disappointment.
IFS also teaches me the key to avoiding future fights. The next time I feel disappointed, I need to soothe the disappointed part of my soul so that anger doesn’t need to step in. For instance, I can say something to myself like “I’m sorry John isn’t here right now, but he’ll eventually come home. We’ll catch up soon enough. Isn’t that better than getting into a fight?”
The Year-Round Abundant Life
Remember John 10:10? Jesus said, “I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly” (NKJV). Notice the lack of an expiration date on the verse. It’s not as though the abundant life Jesus promises only lasts for spring and summer, maybe lingers through autumn, but definitely expires every winter. No, once you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior, you can expect the good life even throughout winter. Keep this eternal truth in mind on December 26, the day after, and during the depths of dark winter nights. May all our winter months be devoid of SAD. Amen.
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Nick Page
