You Can’t Change Him … But This Can
AMANDA HAYHURST
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“And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.” 1 John 5:14-15 (ESV)
Six years ago, I made a decision that changed everything in my marriage: I decided to stop trying to change my husband.
Honestly, I was exhausted from carrying a weight I was never meant to carry. I wanted so badly to see spiritual growth and freedom in my husband’s life, but somewhere along the way, my concern started to look like control.
Maybe you’ve been there too. You love your husband deeply, but …
You want him to grow as a leader.
You want him to be more spiritually engaged.
You want him to experience freedom from sin struggles.
Those desires are good! But sometimes our approach can hurt more than help. God began to show me I was trying to do His job for Him, and frankly, I wasn’t that good at it. What I really needed to do was move from fixing and controlling to surrendering and praying.
So I woke up early every morning and prayed for my husband. And I physically felt the weight of control lift off my shoulders. I was slowly learning to surrender him to the Lord.
Something else began to happen too. Not only did I see God give my husband breakthroughs, but I experienced one of my own. I stopped trying to be my husband’s Holy Spirit and started trusting the real Holy Spirit to be God.
Friend, the more we learn to pray, the more we learn to surrender, trust, and have confidence in God’s sovereignty over our circumstances. “And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him” (1 John 5:14-15).
It’s when we’re not praying that we are filled with discontentment and insecurity about the future of our lives and those we love. Praying builds in us a tough God-confidence. We learn to be confident that He’s giving us and those we love what is best for us right now. We can trust His plans and timing.
Even when we don’t see proof yet, God hears, He cares, and He is moving. So take heart, and pray this prayer today:
Dear God, today I choose to surrender __________ to You. I am not meant to carry his load, stress, anxiety, or problems. I wasn’t designed to, and I’m exhausted trying to. I physically raise my hands to You now, acknowledging that only You can bring lasting change and healing. I release any controlling desire to fix him, and I trust You fully with his future. Your love for him is greater than I could ever fathom, and I fully surrender him into Your hands today. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
OUR FAVORITE THINGS
If you’ve grown weary from trying to change the man you love, grab a copy of Amanda Hayhurst’s bestselling devotional, Pray for Him. It includes 30 days of breakthrough prayer designed to help you move from fixing and controlling to surrendering and praying.
ENGAGE
Connect with Amanda Hayhurst on Instagram @AmandaHayhurstWrites for daily encouragement and behind-the-scenes inspiration. Want a free sneak peek of her bestselling devotional Pray for Him? Click here to have the first chapter emailed to you today.
Enter to WIN your very own copy of Pray for Him by Amanda Hayhurst. To celebrate this book, Amanda’s publisher will give away 5 copies! Enter to win by filling out the form here. We’ll randomly select 5 winners and notify them via email by Monday, February 9, 2026.
FOR DEEPER STUDY
Philippians 4:6-7, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (ESV).
How would your marriage look different if, instead of trying to fix your husband, you chose to faithfully pray for him each day?
How might trusting God’s timing (instead of your own) help you develop deeper “God-fidence” in your relationships? We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
© 2026 by Amanda Hayhurst. All rights reserved.
Proverbs 31 Ministries thanks Bethany House Publishers for their sponsorship of today’s devotion.
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