“Come on. Be a man!”
When I was a kid, we knew what people meant by the phrase, Be a man.
Be strong. Be tough. Don’t cry. Try your best. Be responsible. Get a job. Provide. Protect. Don’t hit girls.
The basics.
Beyond the basics were other ideas. Play sports. Work on cars. Fix stuff around the house. Be smooth with the ladies. Stand up for what was right. Hold your liquor. Have a cool car.
Good or bad, we knew what it meant to be a man in our American culture. Were some of those expectations healthy? Yes. Were some toxic? Also, yes.
The concepts and expectations I refer to are decades old. Beginning in the 90s, our Western society began to shift away from those expectations. Most of the shift happened because of the toxic and ridiculous associations our society had with the identity of manhood.
However, as historically happens, the pushback went too far, and instead of giving boys a healthy and constructive idea of manhood, we have either erased any idea of manhood or dismissed any expression of masculinity as dangerous and violent.
God made humanity in his own image and clearly makes a distinction. He made them male and female (Genesis 1:27). God does nothing by accident and surely has a purpose in the distinctions.
Just as many have gone to the extreme of removing any idea of healthy masculinity, there is an extreme opposite response — a return to old traditions of masculinity is celebrated.
Responding with extremes is generally dangerous, whatever the direction. We are meant to explore God’s design and stand on a healthy and good idea of manhood from the Word of God.
The World’s Definition of Being a Man
We can all recognize that the world has changed regarding the definition of manhood. The traditional notions of masculinity often revolved around traits such as strength, dominance, and emotional restraint.
The contemporary understanding attempts to have a broader and more nuanced range of qualities for men.
In the past, the concept of masculinity was often tied to traditional roles and stereotypes. Men were expected to be the primary breadwinners, displaying physical prowess, emotional stoicism, and a sense of authority.
This perspective was rooted in historical contexts where men were often responsible for providing and protecting their families, both financially and physically.
However, the modern world has witnessed a significant transformation in these dynamics. Movements advocating for gender equality and a deeper understanding of human diversity have challenged and reshaped traditional notions of masculinity.
The definition of what it means to be a man today is more reflective of individual differences and preferences.
Modern men aren’t bound by the older stereotypes and are encouraged to share emotions and express vulnerability. Men can be nurturing caregivers and actively engage in parenting and household responsibilities.
Modern men are more likely to acknowledge the importance of mental health, seeking help with their struggles.
Along with these changes is the rejection of what’s called toxic masculinity — the harmful behaviors and attitudes that perpetuate sexism and aggression.
Unfortunately, the modern progressive movement has erased all meaning of manhood. This progressive philosophy claims the idea of man, and woman is a complete social construct, and there is no difference between the sexes.
While many in Western culture still distinguish differences between men and women, this recent move by political and social progressives has only further confused any definition or identity of healthy masculinity.
Here are the top three modern myths about being a man:
1. There Is No Difference in the Sexes
From a simple biological perspective, there are two sexes. This is based on DNA and our species as mammals, the basis of how we biologically reproduce.
Beyond the DNA and different external body parts, men and women show general differences in temperament and interests.
Even when all opportunities and resources are equal, men and women in general make different choices.
When we include biblical principles, we have several scriptures clarifying and affirming the difference between men and women. Neither is better or worse but created by God with purpose.
We must also recognize how individual men are diverse in their temperaments and allow each to be encouraged in that diversity. In other words, these aren’t strict boundaries of distinction, but the distinctions do exist.
2. Masculinity Is Toxic
Men make choices to work in some of the most difficult jobs requiring great self-sacrifice. Men represent a high percentage in jobs where they fight fires, go to war, work construction, clean sewers, and more.
These aren’t necessarily high-paying or high-status jobs, and we shouldn’t keep women from those jobs, either. However, men overwhelmingly choose jobs that require their sacrifice and service to others and society. Masculinity in these roles is far from toxic.
We should recognize the irony of certain positions that believe no gender roles exist and view masculinity as toxic at the same time.
Can masculinity be toxic? Of course. When men abuse what is meant for good, that is toxic. Just as there is toxic femininity. In a fallen world, all humanity has the potential to be abusive. Men and women are equal in this, too.
3. The Oppressive Patriarchy
Related to the previous myth, male leadership isn’t always oppressive. If a person believes masculinity is inherently toxic, then any male leadership is oppressive by definition.
Has male leadership been responsible for oppression? Surely. But male leadership has also been responsible for changing laws that allow for equal opportunity and more economic power for women. Men were the ones who ended slavery and passed civil rights actions into law.
This myth also implies, and at times outright expresses, that women would inherently do a better job in leadership. It wouldn’t take much research to find bad leaders who happened to be women, just as there are bad leaders who happened to be men.
To say a woman is inherently better at leadership than a man is just as sexist as to say men are better leaders than women.
To be clear, we should open opportunities for leadership in our country to both men and women, valuing the voices of both. Capable leadership for the good of everyone is the goal, not the rule of one sex over another.
Why Does the World Need Good Men and Fathers?
We need good, strong men in our lives and in our culture. The data shows this. Young men should be encouraged to have a healthy and clear vision of manhood. Otherwise, we see dangerous and often deadly consequences in our society.
Numerous studies have demonstrated the profound influence of fathers on their children's cognitive, emotional, and social development. Children who have involved and supportive fathers tend to have higher self-esteem, better academic performance, and healthier relationships.
Strong fathers play a vital role in encouraging education and academic success. Data from the U.S. Department of Education indicates that children with involved fathers are more likely to earn higher grades, graduate from high school, and pursue higher education.
Research published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry suggests that fathers who are actively involved in caregiving and emotional support contribute to their children's emotional intelligence. Strong male role models teach children how to manage emotions, handle stress, and navigate challenges.
Studies have shown that the presence of strong male figures, whether fathers or positive role models, is associated with decreased risk of behavioral issues, substance abuse, and involvement in criminal activities among children and adolescents.
The influence of fathers in setting boundaries, providing discipline, and promoting responsible behavior is crucial.
Involved fathers model healthy relationship dynamics and mutual respect, which can contribute to reduced stereotypes and promote equality of the sexes.
According to the World Economic Forum, countries with more engaged fathers tend to have narrower gender gaps in various aspects of society.
Research from the National Fatherhood Initiative indicates that children in father-absent homes are more likely to live in poverty. Involved fathers contribute to financial support and stability.
Strong men and fathers often engage in community activities, volunteering, and mentoring, which contribute to building strong communities.
Data from organizations like Big Brothers Big Sisters and Boys & Girls Clubs of America highlight the positive impact of male mentorship on youth development and community cohesion.
Research published in the American Journal of Men's Health suggests that fathers’ involvement in their children's lives is associated with healthier behaviors and lifestyles, including reduced risk of smoking and alcohol consumption.
Our families and communities need strong, healthy, engaged men, which makes complete sense if God created humanity with this distinction.
Removing part of God’s design will result in serious consequences. And as we see with overwhelming proof, affirming and encouraging biblical manhood leads to healthier, more positive communities.
What Is Biblical Manhood?
As disciples of Christ, we should look to our creator to understand what he designed for manhood.
The Bible never equates being able to fix a car or dunk a basketball with being a man. But the Scripture does show us amazing examples of men.
In the Bible, manhood is exemplified through the life of Jesus Christ and other biblical figures who demonstrated traits such as sacrificial love, leadership, humility, integrity, and a willingness to serve others.
A biblical man is called to be a protector, provider, and source of strength for his loved ones.
Moreover, biblical manhood encourages men to develop a deep relationship with God through prayer, the study of scripture, and active participation in the faith community.
This relationship serves as the foundation for personal growth, transformation, and the ability to fulfill God's purposes with courage and conviction.
I am a personal fan of the four principles of biblical manhood laid out by Robert Lewis in his books and material.
1. Reject passivity. This principle emphasizes the importance of active engagement and initiative. A biblical man is called to reject passivity by taking ownership of his actions, decisions, and relationships.
Instead of being complacent or passive, he actively seeks opportunities to serve, lead, and make a positive impact. Rejecting passivity requires a proactive approach to life, pursuing growth, and contributing to the betterment of his family and community.
2. Accept responsibility. Accepting responsibility is a foundational aspect of biblical manhood. It involves acknowledging one's role as a provider, protector, and leader in various contexts.
A man is accountable for his actions, both morally and spiritually. He is responsible for nurturing his relationships, supporting his family, and upholding his commitments. This principle encourages a sense of duty and integrity in all aspects of life.
3. Lead courageously. Courageous leadership is exemplified through Christ's selfless sacrifice and willingness to lead by example. A biblical man is called to lead his family, community, and church with humility and selflessness.
This leadership is not based on domination or control but rather on servant leadership that seeks the well-being and growth of others. Leading courageously requires making difficult decisions, standing up for what is right, and being a source of inspiration and guidance.
4. Expect an eternal reward. The principle of expecting an eternal reward reminds a biblical man that his actions and choices have lasting significance beyond the present life.
This perspective encourages a focus on living according to God's principles, seeking His approval rather than worldly recognition.
By embracing the belief in an eternal reward, a man finds motivation to persevere through challenges, make sacrifices, and invest in spiritual growth.
Rejecting passivity, accepting responsibility, leading courageously, and expecting an eternal reward guide men toward a purposeful and fulfilling life that aligns with their faith and values.
By embodying these principles, men can contribute positively to their families, communities, and society.
For further reading:
What Should Christians Know about Toxic Masculinity?
What Does the Bible Say about the Value of Men and Women?
How Are Words of Affirmation Important for Husbands?
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Martin Barraud
