Finding the right church home for you and your family can be a challenge. Thankfully, we live in a country that allows us to worship God in any form or fashion and do so at any congregation.
However, that said, that doesn’t mean that every congregation will meet your family’s needs for spiritual growth and fellowship.
The many choices and decisions that get wrapped up in finding the “right church fit” can be daunting and overwhelming at best.
Yet, sometimes, I think we become more focused and fixated on what we are looking for in a church body rather than asking the tough question of why I am really joining this church.
Unfortunately, when the church no longer serves “us,” or we acquire wounds from people within the body, we can quickly find ourselves church shopping again or, in some cases, leaving the church altogether.
Sadly, I’ve heard many stories of people personally affected by the church in hurtful ways, and my heart breaks every time. Let’s just say that evil enjoys dividing the church and wreaking havoc.
But here is what we must understand: the body of believers is made up of flawed human beings. Meaning there is no perfect church. However, what we must hold on to is that there is a perfect God that we are all striving to serve.
Hebrews 10:25 tells us to not neglect meeting with one another and encouraging one another. That essentially means that we are commanded to congregate with the purpose of encouraging one another, making Christ known, and bearing the fruit of the Holy Spirit.
However, while we can find many reasons why we should or shouldn’t join a church, let’s hit the pause button and take a step back just a bit.
Before we even begin the task of church shopping, let’s do a little research and unpack some underlying reasons why you may want to be cautious. Because in all honesty, there are some misleading congregations that can sadly misguide you and your family.
Friend, if you are looking for a church home, there are some tough questions you may need to ask yourself.
While the reasons listed below are not necessarily deal breakers by any means, if you are joining for the wrong reasons, you will find that you will be looking to get out just as quickly as you were warmly greeted to come inside.
So, with that, let’s unpack a few of the worst reasons to join a church.
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1. The Pastor Is Famous or Well-Known
Let me first start by saying that finding a church with a pastor who speaks God’s Word and is mission-minded has got to be the most important and crucial item to consider when choosing a church.
After all, they are the leaders of the church body, and what they proclaim from the pulpit matters- a lot!
Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not opposed to churches with well-known pastors. In fact, when my husband and I were first married, we attended a mega church for years with an amazing (and very well-known) pastor who grew our faith and allowed us to connect with some incredible believers that we still meet up with today.
However, being a pastor of a church should be considered an honor and a great privilege, as they are entrusted to preach God’s Word.
Pastors are called to humble themselves before God and are expected to live in a respectable manner fitting to the eyes of God (Titus 1:7; 1 Timothy 3:1-10).
If the message is not built around truth and covered in grace, with a mission to make disciples grow in fellowship, all while holding believers accountable to become more like Christ, then it may not be the church for you.
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2. Your Friends and Family Go There
I totally understand the desire to fellowship with family and friends. Quite honestly, in some cases, that works out beautifully, but for many (including my own family) this only becomes a source of contention.
When we try to join a church based on the fact that our family or friends go there, we miss the reason why we are going in the first place.
Sure, it is about connections and building relationships, and after all most of us would like to be spiritually connected to our family and friends.
However, if it is causing a strain on your relationship, you feel pressured to go, or any guilt is brought into play, then you may want to pause and pray for discernment.
As a girl who was raised Catholic and now attends a Baptist church with my own family, I can attest that our faith is unique to each of us. How we choose to worship and learn about our God is important to us and choosing a church home should be based on where God is calling us.
Now, that doesn’t mean we can’t visit or occasionally attend church with family and friends. However, when we consider joining and becoming members, we must ask if we are joining because of the people or because we want to grow in God’s Word and make new connections to grow our faith.
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3. The Size
They say everything is bigger (and better) in Texas. Well, as a born and raised Texas gal myself, I can somewhat attest to that.
Texas does have some of the largest (and pretty amazing) churches in the nation. Okay, maybe I am a bit biased, and I can only say this because I haven’t really been a member of a church outside of the Lone Star State.
All that aside, I realize that the size and amount of people in a congregation matter to many of us. After all, you can easily feel lost or overlooked in a mega church, but on the other hand feel scrutinized and maybe “overly seen” in a small-town church where everyone knows everybody.
So, the size has to be right for you and your family, depending on what you are looking for. But the truth of the matter is that you sometimes have to get out of your comfort zone and take a step into the place where God can and will use you.
If we let the size of the church intimidate us, we could be hindering the gifts and talents we have to serve others.
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4. The Free Food and Events
I can remember sitting in a church pew on vacation and taking note of the people. Yes, I am your typical people watcher and feel somewhat comforted when I realize other people are as awkward as I am.
As an introverted extrovert (yes, there is such a thing), I enjoyed watching those who cozied up to their spouse while also slowly moving aside, making room for the hand raiser or side swayer.
But, while the worship music was spot on, something else seemed off. The pastor gave a compelling message; the people seemed cordial enough, but there was little to no interaction once the message was over.
Everyone just basically hopped in their vehicles and vanished. As visitors, we were one of the last ones there, hoping to connect.
Once we got back to our hotel, my husband asked if I noticed how the fellowship seemed, as if it were missing. That was exactly it. It simply seemed like a building that fed people truth but was missing the element of fellowship and service (1 Peter 4:10; Romans 12:10; Galatians 6:2).
When seeking to join a church, the body of believers must be alive and bold enough to reach the needs within its walls while also extending a warm welcome to the community and beyond. It’s not just a building but a home formed by fellow brothers and sisters.
Yes, I get that this one is important, and it should be. However, this shouldn’t be the driving force that determines whether you join a church or not. Please let me explain.
When you place your focus on the programs, events, and activities that can most certainly bring glory to God, you must also seek to understand their mission behind such events.
Is it to bring in more money for the church and budget accordingly? Is it for outreach or maybe to build unity? Is it something else?
The bottom line is that if the church isn’t clear about how it uses its funds and finances, be leery. A church’s main purpose and mission should be to lead more people to Christ, and the events should reflect that as much.
If you are paying for an event and unsure where that money is going, you may want to ask a leading pastor.
If they are unsure of how the funds help the church, members, or missions, then you may want to consider looking into a congregation that is forthcoming with such information.
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5. The Music Is Good
While the music is certainly a big contender as to if you join the church, there is so much more to it than that.
While this one is a personal preference, and I do understand that you want to like and even enjoy the music as it can lead to deeper levels of worship, the bottom line is this — worship isn’t about what we hear, it’s about what we contribute (Psalm 147:1).
Singing together as a congregation is meant to bond and unite us as believers, in order to rejoice and celebrate our loving Father (Psalm 96:1-3). Instead of looking to the worship leaders and how they sing, take a venture to notice the body of believers and how they lift up their songs.
A good worship team will invite the body to join them in song. If there isn’t an invitation to join them in giving God our thanks and praise in worship, you may want to find a church that not only invites you to lift up your voice but encourages you to do so.
Before you begin the hunt for a church that fits your family, pause and pray. Seek God first and foremost asking Him to lead and guide you in this weighty decision.
Ask Him to plant you in a church that will not only help you grow in your faith but will give you opportunities to use your gifts and talents to serve and love others as well.
For further reading:
7 Myths of Joining a Church That Are Not Biblical
5 Best Reasons to Join a Church
7 Pieces of Advice for New Christians Looking for a Church
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Originally published Friday, 12 January 2024.