Recently, my twelve-year-old daughter had a friend over. They spent the afternoon laughing and hanging out upstairs in her bedroom like many twelve-year-olds do. When her friend’s mom arrived to pick her up, we called for them to come down. They responded by saying, “Hold on, we’re watching the end of a show.”
A couple of minutes later, they made their way downstairs. Out of curiosity, we asked what show was so important that they had to see the ending. Without hesitation, they both replied, “Love Island.” My daughter quickly added, “Don’t worry, we fast-forwarded through the icky stuff.” That moment led to a deeper conversation about what is appropriate and inappropriate.
As a parent, Christian, and someone who attempts to pay attention to the culture, I wonder why a show like Love Island is so magnetic (even for some Christians) when so much of it seems contrary to God’s design for relationships. Even though it is called Love Island, what does it get wrong about love?
Is the Premise of Love Island Completely Flawed?
On the surface, Love Island operates within the familiar human reality of physical attraction. People are “coupled up” based on these attractions. Honestly, that’s not so far removed from how many relationships begin. As Christians, let’s not pretend we’re immune to this. Most (if not all) dating relationships start because of some initial spark of attraction. In case you are wondering, there’s nothing wrong with noticing someone’s outward beauty. The Bible references people’s physical appearance on several occasions.
Even in friendships that develop into romance, something eventually shifts. A moment happens, there’s a switch that flips, and suddenly you desire the other person to become more than just a friend. That’s a natural part of being human, and loving Jesus does not take that away.
Here’s where Love Island drifts off course. It doesn’t stop at physical attraction but amplifies and magnifies the sensual. The show puts contestants in an environment that highlights their physical appearance. Contestants often wear revealing clothing, and the show starts with compatibility based on looks and physical chemistry alone. Within this context, the introduction to being “coupled up” begins with a kiss. That kind of kiss is not a way to introduce yourself to someone. You should reserve it for true intimacy.
Because the sexual chemistry seems to be heightened before anything else, that distorts what love is. While physical attraction is a necessary part of a romantic relationship, it cannot carry the entire weight of it, nor was it meant to.
Is God's Design for Love Being Abandoned for Entertainment?
We’ve built an entire industry around the search for love and finding companionship. While the desire is good (God said it is not good for man to be alone), there is something wrong with commercializing it and profiting from it. You can even ask if a reality TV show is the best place to find true love. The success rate of couples on these shows reveals that while these shows may have entertainment value, driving ratings and dollars, they have not proven the best way to create lasting relationships.
So, is there a better way and, more importantly, what is God’s way? Some say, “Just pray and wait for God to bring you the right one.” While prayer is essential, we must be careful not to approach relationships passively. Dating, when approached with wisdom and discernment, can be a healthy, God-honoring process. However, Love Island is not modeling what that looks like because I believe the premise of the show is entertainment, not finding true love.
In American culture, dating is part of the process leading to marriage, which means we play an enormous role in deciding who we will spend the rest of our lives with. This is probably the second most important decision you will make in your life (choosing to follow Jesus is the first). God has given us freedom in this process, but he has also given us principles. Love, by his design, is not rushed or shallow. None of the definitions of love point in that direction. The Bible describes love as patient, kind, not envious or proud, and it is not self-seeking. While the initial spark may come through attraction, love matures over time as you learn about each other, discovering if you have shared values and spiritual alignment.
This means true love doesn’t always show up in the “perfect package,” and I am not even sure if that exists. The person you’re meant to build a life with may not check every box you had on your mental wish list. However, they will be perfect for the purpose God has called you to walk out together.
One Simple Guideline for Dating
I’ve had the privilege of talking to many single believers over the years. One common struggle is the unspoken and sometimes unintended pressure from within the church for singles to get married. Just the fact that there is a singles ministry, while the intention is genuine, creates a line of delineation, and some feel judged if they are not married by a certain age. Sometimes, being single seems to be a disqualifier for certain ministry roles. This unspoken pressure causes some to feel rushed to find the right one. Even when two people begin dating, the questions immediately shift to when’s the wedding? We must take the pressure off.
Here’s one piece of advice I always give. When you go on a first date, your only goal should be to determine if you’d like to go on a second one. That’s it. Don’t try to determine if this is your future spouse or read into every conversation. Just focus on whether this person is someone you enjoy spending time with and if you would like to do it again. Nothing more than that.
The aim is to build a healthy relationship, but those require space to grow, time to develop trust, and freedom to learn about each other without the constant expectation of, “Is this the one?" We do this while pursuing purity and seeking God’s will, but we also need to allow people room to decide at the right pace without pressure, guilt, or fear.
How to Redefine the Dating Narrative
Love Island continues to attract viewers because the desire for love and connection is real. Even if it happens in unlikely places. However, the root of all love is covenant, and that builds chemistry and compatibility. In every relationship, the emotions will ebb and flow, but love says I will choose that person repeatedly even in the times I don’t feel it. Love that knows everything about a person and still chooses to love them reflects Christ’s love for us. That kind of love is necessary and is the glue that makes dating or marital relationships work.
I don’t want to leave the impression that I am demonizing every dating show on television because I am not. However, let’s not confuse or compare the journey with what we find on television. Remember, what they are seeking first is ratings. If a relationship develops, that’s fine, but as long as they entertain people along the way, then a lasting relationship doesn’t really matter that much.
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