New research has identified specific neurons linked to sociable behavior in children and teens. These brain cells appear to play a key role in how young people connect,
empathize, and form friendships. The neurons in children’s brains draw them to long for connection and comfort from caregivers. Then, in adolescence, the brain neurons shift to draw a young person to peer relationships. Social interaction and connection are written into our brain cells, especially as children, emphasizing the importance of social interaction as a young person develops.
Relationships are written into our brains as children. As a teenage child begins to push parents and adult caregivers away and focus on peers, it is normal! Some may joke that there is something wrong with the brain cells of adolescents, but it is essential to realize their brains are drawing them to peers. If your young person isn’t listening to your counsel (or even asking for it) or telling you their friends’ opinions and advice are better or more important, that is normal! Their brain cells pull them toward peers and other social relationships outside their caregivers.
We are just beginning to see how the brain is wired to be with others. Humans have a capacity for relationships and are biologically drawn to them. This harkens back to the relational view of the Image of God, a view which emphasizes that in bearing the Image of God, human beings are designed for a relationship with God and with other people. There have been many conversations and debates about what it means to be created in the Image of God, and this finding of brain neurons drawing children into relationships could become an interesting part of that conversation.
What happens if these social interactions for children and teens are disrupted? Where can the church minister to all ages to create and maintain social connections? Here are three ways churches can help to lean into and preserve this design for relationships in our young people.
3 Ways Churches Can Foster Our Natural Need for Community
1. Examine Your Church Service
How many church services are designed for the congregation to be an audience to whatever happens on the stage? How many of us can attend a church service without a meaningful interaction with anyone? Many services are designed for the congregation to have a singular, individualistic relationship with what is happening up front. Attendees primarily interact with whoever is on stage, but at a distance. Chairs and pews are in rows that face the front. We don’t need to sit next to anyone else to participate in the singing of songs and spiritual hymns. We talk about a relationship with God and others in a lecture-style format. Our kids see this before being walked over and dropped off at the children’s ministry or youth ministry rooms. If they are to follow our example, what are we modeling?
Sure, children’s and youth ministries are designed very differently than adult services. These are often filled with socialization, play, and conversation. Three cheers for our children’s and youth ministry teams! With what they do for our kids, they are supporting brain health and social development! What if your church does a family service?
Greeters help, name tags help, coffee helps, and Sunday school classes help. These are all ways to break the larger congregation into smaller groups that support conversation and socialization. Still, they are optional, and many slip through the cracks.
I’m not saying we should throw it all out and start over, but I am suggesting we try mixing it up occasionally. Maybe we have “row hosts” or “pew hosts” who are charged with hospitality for those seated near them. They can have conversation-starter questions and introduce people to each other. They can pray together and for each other at the end of the service. Maybe, occasionally, we can change how the rows are set up, add tables to sit around, or divide the room into sections for conversation. Examining how our church services can promote or prevent community and relational engagement is essential.
2. Help Caregivers Navigate Screen Usage in Their Homes
What happens if screen time increases and face-to-face socialization decreases? Let’s look at this recent Yale study in conjunction with a longitudinal study published by the American Psychological Association regarding the impacts of heightened screen time and socialization of children. This study found an adverse relationship between screen time and peer relationships in children, concluding that there is a reliable association between screen time for children and increased problems with peers. Young people are designed to be with people. Screens aren’t bad all the time, but there are indicators that a lot of screen time harms children and young people during their social, emotional, and cognitive development.
Churches can help parents, any parents, whether they believe in and follow Jesus or not, by providing them with support and tools for navigating screens with their own children. A number of studies find that parents are an important factor influencing their children’s socialization and healthy relationships with technology. We can empower parents to help their kids be in the community.
My kids ask me, “But when can we have smartphones?” I take this opportunity to talk with my kids about building strong brains. This was before these recent studies came out, but I had to find an age-appropriate way to talk to my kids about this topic, so we discussed having strong brains. I would tell my kids that my job as a parent was to make sure their brains were strong enough to have a smartphone or play a video game. I told them that we did lots of activities and conversations that help exercise their brains, so one day they will be ready. Little did I know that there was science behind this. Parents want this kind of information and helpful language with their kids. I am often bombarded by parents who wish to help figure out parenting surrounded by screens. They ask many questions about what is healthy and suitable for their kids.
Churches can offer parent workshops or short-term community groups to help guide parents on raising kids around technology. The bonus to this is that it also provides a community for parents!
3. Set a 10-minute Timer to Play
I’m not great at free play with small kids. The rules and roles seem to change constantly with the child's imagination, and there is often no end goal to whatever we play. This kind of play is a struggle for a goal-oriented, fast-moving personality like myself. A friend gave me this advice: set a timer to play. She told me that I could set a timer for the time I could focus on this kind of play and that my brain would be more at rest because I knew there was an endpoint.
You know what? The timer helped. I could now focus on just playing without trying to multitask. I could be patient with imaginative play because it was temporary. Whether or not you enjoy playing with kids or are good at playing with kids, kids need us to play with them, especially small children. From peek-a-boo to freeze tag, playdough to Legos, children’s brains draw them to socialize, even with us! If 10 minutes is too long for you, set the timer for 5 minutes; if it is too short, set it for longer. This exercise aims to play and socialize with children and young people while their brains are in social development. Multi-generational play is suitable for many reasons and is a beautiful expression of the church.
We are meant to interact with other people. This could be done by seeing, hearing, touching, smelling, speaking, or more. We interact with verbal and non-verbal communication from infancy to adulthood. We are created for community with each other and God, and our brains can prove it!
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Milad Fakurian
%20(5).webp)
