“Okay,” “Sure,” and “K” can pack a ton of meaning, sometimes laced with passive-aggressive intent, and at other times, people are simply too busy to offer a longer response. But the recipient of the message isn’t always privy to the background details, which leaves room for misunderstandings and even hurt feelings. Even communication experts express their concerns about the tone that is lost in digital conversations.
I’m a Millennial, and I willingly confess that I, along with many of my Millennial peers, just prefer text messages. We don’t like phone calls. They make us feel anxious. Why? I have no clue. However, one thing I do know is that, on the flip side of a text message’s convenience, a lot can get lost in communication, especially with one-word replies.
In a world where quick replies can easily be misread, how can we practice grace in our assumptions and communicate with kindness rather than offense?
Let the Fruit of the Spirit Guide Your Digital Reactions to Confusing Responses
This might seem oversimplified, but we must keep our knee-jerk emotions in check. Like it or not, we answer for how we react to others, even if our assumptions are correct and the world says we have reason to get angry or become passive-aggressive. Thus, it’s important that regardless of the facts, we act with self-control.
In fact, self-control is a fruit of the Spirit that we are told to cultivate in our hearts and lives. Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV) says,
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace,forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”
Self-control should be a Christian attribute we actively pursue, a holy restraint that allows others to ask, “How did you handle that so well?”, and we can gladly tell them, “The Holy Spirit.”
We don’t bear fruit to boast in our excess. We bear fruit that can be plucked and shared with others as their source of godly wisdom and nourishment. Christianity is an outpouring and overflow of God’s mercy and grace from our hearts to others.
This overflow extends to awkward, tense, or hurtful situations, like when we feel slighted by someone’s one-word response. So the next time your emotions convince you to respond in the heat of the moment, pause, consider the gift of self-control the Holy Spirit has given you, and walk away for a few moments until you are calm.
Let Grace Shape Your Assumptions to Short Text Messages
Each of us gets caught up in life’s chaos and stress. Not one of us is immune to hardships, no matter our finances, social status, or family name. This is why it’s important that, after we pause and stabilize our emotions, we assess what we know to be true about the person who sent a one-word reply.
-Are they in the newborn season of parenthood and buried by all of its sleepless demands?
-Are they the primary caretaker for a sick parent?
-Is their spouse deployed or traveling for work, leaving them to manage all household responsibilities solo?
-Have they shared that they are in a dark mental health season, where loneliness, anxiousness, and depression have crowded their thoughts?
As much as it kills my ego, I have to remind myself that the lives of others don’t revolve around me. I’m not everyone’s top priority, nor should I be—that’s a seat reserved for Jesus only. Thus, I must consider the other factors and players in that person’s life.
One-word texts aren’t always what they seem. Sometimes, they are an unspoken message of “I can’t carry it all.” This is why you let patience have her perfect way, friends (James 1:4). Let God’s compassion and grace be the lens through which you perceive others and their situation.
Respond to 1-Word Text Messages with Clarifying Questions
If something truly feels off or doesn’t add up, you can respectfully ask clarifying questions. There’s no need to let the fear of awkwardness keep you from honest communication. Too many wonderful relationships have been ruined because one party feels offended but won’t ask the uncomfortable questions to understand the truth. These conversations aren’t fun, obviously, but they are necessary when you feel that you don’t understand where a person is coming from or why they responded the way they did.
Just this Christmas, I had a family member who barely spoke to me. I wondered what I had done to offend them. I mulled it over for about a week, got angry, to be honest, but then had someone wisely share that I should simply ask if everything was okay. That’s what I did. And their distance had nothing to do with me, but with an outside stressor that crowded their headspace and made it hard for them to be fully present. At that point, I could breathe.
Perhaps you need to create a healthy conversation so you can breathe, too, even if that breathing comes after a moment of realizing you hurt someone and rightfully apologizing. Getting to the bottom of things, understanding the truth, will, indeed, set you free (John 8:31-32).
Choose Not to Be Offended by Short Responses
Unfortunately, not all conversations end as we might hope. Some people simply don’t respond to their hard season well and can release their overwhelm, heartache, and even bitterness onto an innocent party. If you have done all you can to respectfully communicate and ensure you’ve done nothing wrong, it’s time to give them some space and let go of any ill feelings you might notice that bubble up inside of you.
It can be immensely hard if this person is a close family member or dear friend. After all, God originally created man to not only live forever but to stay in perfect harmony with Him and others. Brokenness was never God’s design.
Creating distance from others, even when it’s healthy, can feel brutal, but it’s also why we must realize that there are situations when allowing space and releasing the situation to God is the best way to ensure the personal hurt in your heart doesn’t damage you or cause you to hurt others. One of the key words here is “releasing,” setting the sting free so God can work on the hearts of both parties.
This means you aren’t to hang mistakes over the other person’s head or refuse to talk to them later when they ask to have a conversation. It means that you are to have stayed in such communion with God through this heartache that your response, if they seek true, repentant reconciliation, is forgiveness.
Do What You Can to Live at Peace with Everyone
The indefinite reality is that life is messy. People are great at hurting one another, intentionally or not. Most of us know this to be true, so why not make every effort to discover ways to become great at pausing, assessing what you know, asking clarifying questions, and letting go when necessary?
We have the Holy Spirit, who is begging us to embody His very nature, which frees us from being destroyed when human relationships fizzle or go up in flames. Let’s not count out this heavenly gift we can unwrap on earth to make things a little less messy and a bit more whole.
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” - Romans 12:18-21 NIV
Additional Resources:
What if the Cure for Depression and Anxiety Is Right in the Palm of Our Hands?
Why Gen Z Is Ditching Smartphones for Dumbphones
Phoot Credit: ©Unsplash/Jonas Leupe
