Narcissistic behavior happens when someone thinks highly of themselves and exaggerates their importance. These types of people have a constant need for others' admiration. They will often see other people as inferior to them and lack the ability to have empathy for anyone else. A person like this is completely self-absorbed. If you have had the "privilege" of knowing people like this, you know that dealing with these personalities comes with challenges.
However, before we judge the narcissist, we should be honest with ourselves and recognize that traces of these tendencies can live within us. Yes, there is a serious version of narcissism that is a mental health issue that may require therapy. However, the root cause, selfishness, is something we all carry. If we are not careful and given the right situation, we can all exhibit some narcissistic behavior from time to time.
Let me give a personal example. A few years ago, my wife and I stayed at a church longer than we should have when we knew God was telling us to leave. We thought because of our ministry positions, if we leave, who is going to do what we do? While we didn't realize it then, we look back now and realize that it was a form of narcissistic behavior. We had inflated our level of importance.
The Bible speaks about narcissistic behavior, whether in us or others. As we examine this topic, the easy thing to do is to think of how this applies to other people, but we need to do more than that. Let's shine the spotlight inward as well—because our own narcissistic behavior is typically more difficult to see or admit.
Does the Bible Warn about Narcissism in Relationships?
The root of all narcissism is pride. When this invades any relationship, it tears it down. That's why the Bible warns us not to allow this type of narcissistic behavior to infect our hearts. Here are a few verses to remind you.
"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you." (Romans 12:3)
"Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited." (Romans 12:6)
"Let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth; an outsider, and not your own lips." (Proverbs 27:2)
The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" (1 Corinthians 12:21)
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." (Philippians 2:3-4)
Does the Bible Mention People Who Exhibit Narcissistic Behavior?
Arrogance and narcissistic behavior are found throughout the Bible. Here are a few notable ones.
The chief of narcissistic behavior is none other than Lucifer himself. His prideful behavior caused him to believe he had the right to sit on the throne and receive the worship only God is worthy of. Clearly, he thought more highly of himself than he should have. The end of his narcissistic behavior will be the lake of fire that God has prepared for him.
Nebuchadnezzar
In Daniel 4, Nebuchadnezzar was full of himself. As the King of Babylon, he boasted of how he built Babylon with his great power for his glory. If there ever was an example of pride and narcissistic behavior, this was it. His reward for this behavior was God caused him to lose his mind. For seven years, he lived just like the animals of the field until he acknowledged God was sovereign over all the kingdoms of the earth. When he finally acknowledged this, God restored his sanity and his kingdom.
The rich young ruler
The rich young ruler exhibited a more subtle type of narcissistic behavior. This may be like how this affects you and me. His behavior came as self-righteousness. He asked Jesus what he must do to inherit eternal life, and Jesus responded by listing some commandments he should keep. He responded by saying I have kept these since I was a boy. This was his subtle form of self-righteousness. However, Jesus dug deeper. He told the rich young ruler, "Sell everything and come follow me." This made him sad because he had great wealth. While he wanted to inherit eternal life, he thought too highly of himself to give up his wealth to get it. This may not be overt narcissistic behavior, but it shows selfishness nonetheless.
Is It Unloving to Have Boundaries with People Who Have Narcissistic Behavior?
If you have people in your life who exhibit narcissistic behavior, it is wise to have boundaries with them.
For one thing, if we are honest, these people can become tiresome. Depending on their behavior's seriousness, spending too much time with them can be harmful. Let's admit there are some people where you have no choice but to love them from afar to maintain your sanity. Even God puts a wall between those who pridefully lift themselves up.
"The Lord detests all the proud of heart. Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished." (Proverbs 16:5)
"He mocks proud mockers but shows favor to the humble and oppressed." (Proverbs 3:34)
God distances himself from prideful people. One reason God hates this so much is pride caused the rebellion in heaven. Anytime we are prideful, and narcissism is an extreme form of pride, that stench reeks of what Satan did in attempting to take God's throne. Is there any wonder God opposes this? That's why keeping people who exhibit this behavior at a distance is wise and okay.
How Do Christians Forgive Narcissism in Relationships?
As Christians, we are required to forgive. We forgive others because God forgives us. However, there is a challenge in forgiving narcissistic people. Many times, they are unwilling to admit they have done anything wrong. Their high opinion of themselves may quickly see the fault in others, but they may miss the fault in their own lives. Jesus tells us what this looks like.
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" ( Matthew 7:3)
The answer to that question may be not only hypocrisy but also narcissism.
When forgiving someone who displays this type of behavior, there are two things we must remember. First, our forgiveness is not dependent on their repentance. We forgive to keep our hearts free from the effects of unforgiveness. Even if they never acknowledge their sin, forgive them for your sake, not theirs.
The second thing to acknowledge is that it is difficult to maintain a relationship with someone who refuses to recognize their sinful behavior. This behavior corrupts the relationship, and while you may forgive them, you may also choose to distance yourself from this person. Please recognize there is nothing wrong with choosing to do this.
A Final Thought on Handling Narcissistic Behavior
The best way to keep yourself from becoming prone to narcissism is to always view yourself in light of Christ and not those around you. Seeing your shortfalls when compared to him will keep you humble. As for those around you who exhibit this behavior, pray for them. The truth is if these people don't humble themselves, then God will do it. Just ask Nebuchadnezzar what that experience was like.
Photo Credit: © Getty Images/Olivier Le Moal
