Christians typically describe faith as a sacred, cherished, personal, serious part of their lives. By accepting what the Bible says, we trust in the Lord’s plan and believe that Christ's death and resurrection all directly impact how we should live. But religion, and the beliefs that accompany it, can also lend itself to good, clean humor. Some, like Dorothy L. Sayers, would argue that Christianity is essentially a little bit irreverent—after all, it says that God came as a man and said irreverent things, like “the tax collectors and prostitutes are getting into heaven ahead of you” (Matthew 21:31).
Here are some great Christian jokes, from puns about Noah’s Ark to funny things kids say in church.
Note: Many of these stories are classic old ones that it’s probably impossible to track down the original source. I have tracked down some items, like the funny church signs, as best I can.
Unless otherwise noted, the stories in Funny Church Leader Stories and Funny Church Kid Stories are my own. Many are true stories with names and details changed. I thank the family, friends, and colleagues who have given me so much humor over the years.
Table of Contents
- 20 Christian Dad Jokes
- 10 Bible Story Jokes
- 10 Funny Church Leader Stories
- 10 Funny Church Kid Stories
- 15 Christian Joke Signs
- 5 Christian Shaggy Dog Jokes
20 Christian Dad Jokes
It wouldn’t be a collection of Christian jokes without a few wonderfully cheesy dad jokes.
1. What is a physics teacher’s favorite Bible verse? Romans 8:39: “Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
3. How do we know God likes coffee? Because the Bible says, He brews.
4. Why wasn’t Boaz a nice man before he got married? He was Ruth-less.
5. Aside from Adam & Eve, who in the Bible had no parents? Joshua, son of Nun (“none”).
6. A man gets on an airplane and sees a nun praying fervently beside him.
“Are you afraid of flying?” he asks.
“Flying, no. Crashing, yes.”
7. “A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, ‘What is this, a joke?’”
8. How do you make holy water? Put water in a pot and boil the hell out of it.
9. What did Moses say when he came down the mountain and saw the Israelites worshipping a golden calf? Holy cow!
10. Who was the world’s first comedian? Samson. He brought the house down.
11. Need a boat? I Noah guy.
12. The Pharisees believe in the resurrection of the dead, but the Sadducees don’t. That’s why they’re sad, you see.
13. What type of car would Jesus drive? A Christler.
14. What time of day did God create Adam? Just before eve.
15. It wasn't the apple in the tree that got us in trouble, but the pair on the ground.
16. Of course I believe in free will! What choice do I have?
17. Who was the smartest person in the Bible? Abraham, he knew a Lot.
18. Who was the first person in the Bible to swear? Job - He cursed the day he was born!
19. How many of each animal did Moses bring onto the ark?
None! Moses was never even on the ark!
Come on, didn't you Noah that?
20. How do we know God loves baseball? Well he started his book "In the big-inning"
10 Bible Story Jokes
1. The Sunday School teacher asks the children to draw Christmas pictures. She goes over to one student and sees he’s drawn a picture of four people on an airplane.
“What is this?” she asked.
“Mary and Joseph and Baby Jesus on a flight to Egypt,” he says.
“Well… who’s the fourth person?”
“That’s Pontius, the pilot.”
2. Moses is wandering around and he finds the burning bush. He looks closer and sees that while the bush is clearly on fire, it is not burning up. He just can't believe his eyes, and in his amazement he says "No way!"
Then, a voice comes from the bush, and says "Yah way!"
3. How long did Cain hate his brother? As long as he was Abel.
4. How did the apostles get to Pentecost? Honda! They were all in one Accord.
5. When was Joseph mentioned playing tennis? When he served in Pharaoh's court.
6. Who was the shortest person in the Bible? It is believed to be Bildad the Shuhite (shoe height)
7. The next shortest was Knee-high-miah!
8. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible? David. He rocked Goliath to sleep.
9. Where was Solomon's temple located? On the side of his head.
10. What kind of plants didn't Noah want on the ark? Leeks.
10 Funny Church Leader Stories
From pastors to worship leaders, the pulpit to the youth group gym, church leaders have given us some of the most surprising funny stories you’ll ever hear.
1. The pastor cleared his throat as he approached the pulpit. “I’m sorry if my voice sounds a bit weak today,” he told the congregation. “There’s been some sickness going around the office, and you all know I hate to be left out of anything.”
2. My church held a work day, including digging holes for a garden plot. My youth pastor put it, “If you’re free next Thursday and don’t mind getting dirty, show up.”
3. The pastor gave a sermon on family, beginning with these words: “I’ve been a parent for about five years now. I think I’ve pretty much figured it out.”
4. The youth pastor walked toward us as we gathered in the church lot for the youth group service. “I’m sorry,” he said. “The only thing left is the donuts.”
5. After the donuts were finished, the youth pastor went to the podium and began teaching. He reminded us, “Let us hold to our confection – er, confession. I wish it was confection.”
6. We soon learned that our new church had an elder with a sense of humor. “At this church,” the elder said, “We follow the Noah principle of two by two. We have two Italian elders, two bald elders, and two very handsome older elders. I’m not Italian, so I’ll let you guess which group I’m in.”
7. After the elder spoke, the bald pastor started to speak. “I apologize,” he said, patting his head. “The power went out to my house this morning, so I couldn’t use my blow dryer. Does it look okay?”
8. My youth pastor (who grew up in a very tough part of New York) spoke on the value of vocation. “It is good to have a skill,” he said. “People may try to say you don’t, but that’s poor theology. It is good to have a skill to provide for yourself and your family. Because then you don’t have to steal from people.”
9. My uncle leads worship at his church. Someone asked him whether playing music is hard when he doesn’t feel inspired. “Oh no,” he said, “I play the guitar whenever the mood gets me... which is usually Sunday around 9:30.”
10. My grandfather was in a worship band called the Eternal Sound. It lasted a couple of years.
10 Funny Church Kid Stories
1. The church was holding baptisms during the service, so they brought in a large tub. As the sermon continued, a boy near the front stared at the tub. He nudged his father. The father turned and the boy whispered, “Where did they get such a big bucket for the leaking roof?”
2. A family with young children sat down on Easter to talk about the Easter story. The father took out some Resurrection eggs, plastic eggs containing props representing parts of the Easter story. Unfortunately, last year, the family had used the eggs for an Easter egg hunt, and not all of the pieces were retrieved. As the father talked about Pontius Pilate, he held up a blue egg and said, “Now, what did they do to Jesus on the cross?”
All the children said, “They put him on the cross.”
“That’s right,” he said, opening the egg. Everyone stared into the empty blue egg. Empty except for dirt and two broken pine needles.
One of the older children offered his help: “Shouldn’t they be nails?”
3. A family with a young daughter invited their church’s new family for Sunday lunch. While the adults talked, the young daughter showed the guest’s son around the house. They walked past the living room, and the daughter pointed at a photo.
“This is my parents’ wedding,” she said.
“Did you go?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Well,” she said, “we don’t go to all the weddings.”
4. A different family is using Resurrection eggs to tell the Easter story. The father opened an egg to show a piece of sponge, representing the sponge that the Romans used to offer Jesus a drink.
After he finished, he added, “You know, there’s actually such a thing as natural sponge.”
“Really?” one of the kids asked.
“Yeah, it’s a sea animal.”
“No, it’s a hotel,” another kid said.
Everyone looked at her. “Because other animals live in it,” she explained.
“All right, fine,” the father said. “It’s a sea animal-slash-hotel.”
5. On Palm Sunday, the Sunday School teacher asked her class, “So, why did Jesus ride a donkey?”
A voice piped up from the back: “Because he wanted to.”
6. When her teacher asked how long it was between Jesus’ arrival in Jerusalem and his death, the little girl looked worried. “Can I phone a friend?”
7. After the Easter Sunday lesson, two students were heard having a theological discussion: “Would you rather have a dandelion crown or a thorny crown?”
8. Things kids will say at Sunday School roll call:
- “Look out, ladies.”
- “It wasn’t me!”
- “I’m awake!”
- “Guilty as charged.”
9. I worked at a Christian retreat center for a year, mostly serving food. One night, several families came down to dinner, I had someone behind me say, “My water broke.” I looked around nervously. To my relief, it was not a pregnant woman. It was a nine-year-old whose plastic cup had snapped in half.
10. A man and a young boy sat at the same table during a church lunch. The man realized he knew the boy’s mother.
“Moms are great, aren’t they?” he said. “What would we do without them?”
The boy replied, “Finish my playdates on time.”
15 Christian Joke Signs
Even churches that aren’t known for their humor can rarely resist putting a funny message on their church sign once in a while. Here are some of the funniest signs—some in the church parking lot, some inside the building. Numbers 1, 4, 6, and 12 are my personal recollections.
1. My childhood church had a kitchen in the back. One day while looking around, I saw a wooden plaque with a button. The button didn’t work. That was when I read the sign above the plague: “When you are through using the kitchen, push button to summon a servant to clean up. If there is no response, refer to Matthew 20:25-28 for further instruction. Thank you.”
2. “Here lies an atheist. All dressed up and no place to go.” — a tombstone in Thurmont, Maryland
3. “CH CH
WHAT’S MISSING?
UR” — Apostolic Faith Church
4. Some of the funniest people I have ever met were my supervisors at the Christian retreat center. Sometimes they were funny without even realizing it. One day, a supervisor left a box of donuts in the breakroom with a sign: “Happy National Donut Day! Be blessed by these Angle Halos.”
5. “Under the Same Management for 2000 Years” — Aspen Hill Christian Church
6. I was prepping the dining area for a meal at the Christian retreat center one night. I noticed the menu said I would serve “Warm Dinner Roles.”
7. “Honk If You Love Jesus
Text While Driving If You Want to Meet Him” — Stonebridge Baptist Church
8. “When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out all right.” — Rock Island Employees Magazine, 1914
9. “Too Hot to Change Sign
Sin Bad Jesus Good
Details Inside” — Holy Trinity Roman Catholic Church
10. “We Are Soulair Powered by the Son” — Christ the King Lutheran Church
11. “God Recycles
He Made You From Dust” — Trinity Baptist Church
12. After college, I spent a semester at L’Abri Fellowship in Switzerland. In the basement, I found a laundry room with a box of mismatched socks labeled “Singles Ministry.”
13. “Wanted: Singers
Inchoir Within” — Covenant Baptist Church
14. “Sin Burn Is Prevented
By Son Screen” — Westview Baptist Church
15. “Forgive Your Enemies—It Messes With Their Heads”—Central Baptist Church
5 Christian Shaggy Dog Jokes
A shaggy dog joke or shaggy dog story takes a while to tell but has an unexpected payoff. Here are some of the classic shaggy dog stories about church and God.
Wall Of Jericho Joke
1. A teacher was giving a lesson on the Old Testament and asked one of her students, “Tommy, who knocked down the walls of Jericho?”
Tommy answered, “Well, it wasn’t me.”
Worried about this lack of Bible knowledge, the teacher called Tommy’s mother.
His mother said, “Look, my son’s a good kid. If he says he didn’t knock the wall down, he didn’t knock the wall down.”
More worried, the teacher called Tommy’s father. He listened to her story and said, “Well, look, I don’t want any trouble. Just tell me how much this wall costs, and I’ll take care of it.”
Two Boats and A Helicopter
2. A flood struck a town, and one man was stuck on his roof. He prayed, asking God to save him.
Soon, a rowboat came by. The rower yelled, “Jump, I can save you.”
The man replied, “No, I prayed, and God will save me.”
Later, a motorboat came along. The motorboat operator yelled, “Get in, quick.”
Again, the man on the roof said, “No, it’s fine. God is going to save him.”
A helicopter flew over and dropped a rope ladder onto the roof. Again, the man said no, that God would save him.
The waters rose, and soon the man was at heaven’s pearly gates. He saw God at the entrance and said, “What happened? I prayed and trusted you would save me.”
God said, “Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter.”
Ice Fishing
3. A man goes out ice fishing one morning. He reaches the ice and is about to cut a hole in it when he hears a voice from above: “There are no fish here.”
The fisherman is shocked but gets up and moves to another spot. As he’s about to cut a hole, he hears a voice from above again, “There are no fish here either.”
He gets up and moves to a third spot. Before he’s even finished walking, the voice says, “I’m telling you, there are no fish here.”
The fisherman says, “God, how can you be so sure there aren’t any fish here?”
The voice replies, “This is the ice rink manager.”
Heavenly Customs Check
4. A jealous, wealthy man didn’t want anyone else to inherit his money. He kept it all in gold bars under his bed. As he aged, he wondered whether he could take his money to heaven. One night he prayed, asking God if he could take a suitcase of gold to heaven. He heard God say, “All right, you can do it.” The man happily went to sleep.
That night, he passed away and went to heaven’s pearly gates. The apostle Peter appeared and said, “Customs check.” He opened up the wealthy man’s suitcase and looked at its contents. Then he looked at the wealthy man and said, “You brought pavement?”
It wasn’t until then that the wealthy man remembered Revelation 21:21: “The great street of the city was of gold, as pure as transparent glass.”
Baseball in Heaven
5. Two brothers who loved baseball wondered whether they could play the sport when they went to heaven. So, they swore that whoever went to heaven first would find some way to let the living brother know.
The oldest brother passed away a week later. And, on the night he was buried, he reappeared at the foot of his brother’s bed.
“Is there baseball in heaven?” asked the younger brother.
“Well, I’ve got good and bad news,” the older brother said. “The good news is that there is baseball in heaven.”
“That’s great!” said the brother. “What’s the bad news?”
“The bad news is you’re pitching Sunday.”
Further Reading:
What Can Christians Learn from B.C. Creator Johnny Hart?
Does God Have a Sense of Humor?
Why Should We Remember Malcolm Muggeridge?
10 Things You Need to Know about G.K. Chesterton
Photo Credit: Getty Images/DGLimages
