The Sanctifying Power of Conflict in Your Marriage

“We need to talk.” This is the one phrase that causes nearly every husband to run for the hills. Can’t you hear the tension in that statement? The fact is most men (and women, too) assume the “need” to talk is laced with conflict. And the majority of people are conflict-avoidant, hence the mad dash from imminent danger. It’s the “flight” response in the fight, flight, or freeze method we learned about in middle school Science. The problem with running from marriage conflict, though, is we lose the benefit of maturing in our Christian faith and growing in our marriage. Rather than viewing conflict as a hindrance to harmony, Christian couples are called to embrace it as a discipleship tool that shapes us into the image of Christ.

Harness Humility

Marriage will test your humility like nothing else. Ever heard the marriage joke, “My wife says I'm a know-it-all. I told her I already knew that”? Pride constantly beckons us, especially when we’re in conflict. We see things our way. We want things to go as we planned. We believe our answer is right. One of Jesus’s most attractive qualities was his humility. The Bible says, “Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being . . . he humbled himself in obedience to God” (Philippians 2:7-8a, NLT). Where are you holding on to your “privilege” in marriage instead of lowering yourself in obedience to God? Is it more important to be right or righteous? You decide. 

Practice Patience

Patience is a virtue. It is also a fruit of the Spirit that is cultivated through the climate of conflict. When you don’t get your way right away, you should exercise patience towards your spouse instead of succumbing to frustration, irritation, or impatience. Colossians 3:12 encourages believers to "clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience" (emphasis mine). Patience is a gift you give your spouse, and it maintains unity and peace within your marriage.

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Photo Credit: SWN Design/Canva Pro/Dana Che Williams used with permission.