5 Lessons I Would've Loved to Teach My Younger Self

Even though I’m a psychologist, there’s a part of me that wants to waltz through life without having to bother with emotional pain. That means pretending as though nothing was the matter, including when I’m in the company of those who inflicted that same hurt. But also because I’m a psychologist, I know how costly this behavior is. Avoiding emotional issues solves absolutely nothing in the long run. Over time, the pain will only increase as new triggers stir up the old wounds that never healed. 

And if you don’t do the necessary emotional work to forgive the offender, the hurt itself can morph into resentment and then bitterness, which is a literal stinker. According to Scripture, bitterness can harm others: “Make sure that no root of bitterness grows up that might cause trouble and pollute many people” (Hebrews 12:15, CEB).

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What you do on a regular basis will turn into habits. Perhaps you started doing a certain activity because it was fun or because you wanted to try something new. However, if you keep up the same activity over time, what began as a novelty will turn into a habit, which will then resist your attempts to undo it.

This principle applies to everything from food to faith issues to uttering profanities to just about anything else you can imagine.

So, live your best life now and enjoy your carbs and chips. But don’t gobble up a bag a day either. If you want to keep your health (or figure!), better start now. Eating comfort foods indiscriminately will only make it harder to skip consuming them in a decade or two, even if you want to. 

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The benefit of this step is manifold. Not worrying will lessen your stress load while also inducing fewer frowns. In turn, you’ll have fewer wrinkles.

Win/win.

Besides, worries tend to be liars. The things that used to worry me twenty years ago turned out to be one big nothingburger. First, I worried I’d picked the wrong major in undergrad. Then the same worry trailed me to grad school and insisted on haunting my first year there. For what, though? Fast forward a couple of decades, and I can honestly say how thoroughly I enjoy my dual career as a psychologist and author.

The lesson here is to invest your trust in the Lord. 

“Cast all your anxiety on [God] because He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

On that note, let’s talk about why God is worthy of your trust.

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Which of the following have you experienced?
-Accidentally left your front door wide open
-Locked your car, but without rolling all the windows up
-Moved to a foreign place without knowing anybody there
-Lost control of your vehicle as it slid on black ice.

Guess how many of these scenarios I’ve faced. If you picked “all of the above,” bravo—and also, do you know me? But anyway. The Lord protected my belongings during the harrowing incident of the first and second bullet points. As far as I know, nobody stole anything from me. And as for the foreign place in the third bullet point, no offense to Vermonters, but living there gave this California girl a continual culture shock. For one thing, I had no idea that Vermont winters could linger well into May.

It was while driving to my internship in Northfield, VT, that my CRV slid all over the place. The terror I glimpsed in the face of the driver of the oncoming car mirrored my own helpless fear. This episode deserves its own article. For now, let’s just say the fact that I survived the incident—and Vermont as a whole—proves how protective God has been of me. Since He doesn’t play favorites (Acts 10:34), I know God will also treat you with the same tender care.

This good God is worthy of every bit of our trust.

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I’ve weathered through my share of challenging circumstances. By the time I write this, for instance, I’m hurling into the seventh anniversary of my dad’s death. That earth-shattering occasion was so unexpected, life ceased to function normally for the first few weeks. I couldn’t go to church. Reading my Bible beyond a single verse proved futile. I had so many questions for God, including why did he die so unexpectedly? Why didn’t You prepare me ahead of time? Could I’ve done something to prevent this tragedy? Why? How? How come? I can’t get into the details here, so you’ll have to read about the Lord’s answer in my upcoming book, Grieving Wholeheartedly.

The point is, God has been faithful to me (and my family) despite this and every other difficult ordeal I’ve encountered. So, if you take nothing else from this article, please emphasize the last, and most important, lesson: nurture your relationship with this good God at all costs. The sooner you learn to practice this move, the better off your older self will be. That’s because “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved” (Romans 10:13).

Don’t dismiss the word saved at the end of that verse as pertaining only to going to heaven, as in “yeah, I know I’m saved because I’ve received Jesus as Savior, and so, I’m going to heaven when I die.” The Greek word translated saved is sozo, which means “to save, heal, preserve, rescue.” 

The more you rely on God for everything—provision, direction, healing, soul mate, social life, career, conflict resolution, absolutely everything—the more you’ll experience what David wrote about God. “Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him” (Psalm 34:8).

Regardless of your age, I invite you to make a habit of quoting Moses’ words in your prayers. 

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” - Psalm 90:12

Amen.

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