The Best Sex Ever
By: Michelle Lazurek
"To present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." Ephesians 5:27
"Lord, help my sex life."
Although this is an embarrassing prayer to admit, I've prayed this before when I feel my sex life is lacking the intimacy with my husband the Lord desires for me. This can be due to a myriad of reasons. It could be as simple as the busyness of life getting in the way. It can also be because I feel emotionally neglected all week. When it is time to give myself over sexually, I hesitate because it feels more like a chore, and I feel like I'm being used like a prostitute.
God does not want me to feel like his, but he also doesn't want me to deprive my husband. How do I honor my husband and the Lord with my body while feeling unconditionally loved and supported?
First, I must ensure I increase my intimacy with the Lord. If I'm neglectful in my spiritual life, chances are I'm going to feel emotionally neglected in my sexual life. I increase my time with the Lord. I spend quality time with him and read the Word more regularly. As I'm spending time in prayer and listening for God's still voice, those times when God is speaking to me and I'm obedient to what I hear him say increase my intimacy with him.
Therefore, if my intimacy with my husband is lacking, I can still give my body over to him sexually because I'm not missing that intimacy I so desperately crave. I am getting it from the right source, not displacing it onto the wrong source.
Second, I'm seeking wise counsel. For example, if I'm struggling in an area of sexuality, I make sure that I seek the help of those who are more mature. These people, who can pray for and help me, enable me to repent in areas where I may be committing sinful actions with my mind.
There are many ways to be unfaithful to your spouse, not just sexually. We can make an idol out of our family, work, hobbies, or other areas of our lives. All these things contribute to an emotional infidelity that is difficult to repair if it's left unchecked. However, having people with wise counsel in my life prevents these things from becoming real problems.
Third, I need to be connected with the local church body. During COVID, we settled for watching church services on the screen. While that satisfied us while buildings and other organizations were shut down, it allowed us to displace in-person intimacy and the bonds it creates with others. It is essential for us not to give up meeting regularly within a church body. This is the place where we serve, we tithe, and we belong.
The sense of belonging can also cause a rift in my relationship if I'm not careful. However, as I'm regularly attending church and getting to know my brothers and sisters in Christ, I build those bonds with others. This is a place where intimacy in my sexual life with my spouse can fulfill that deep inner desire even further.
Last, I'm changing my spiritual disciplines. Every year or so, I reevaluate what I could be doing better regarding my spiritual disciplines. For example, I can participate in fasting, begin journaling again, and practice solitude and silence more regularly. These are all things that Jesus did while he was on earth. These intimate connections with the father kept him connected to him and did not allow him to sin against his father.
In the same way, we can use these disciplines to keep ourselves connected to God and away from the devil's schemes. Additionally, Scripture memorization that I can recall when I'm in a challenging situation will also help me win the battle that's going on in my mind. I can't merely use Sunday morning church service as the only time I connect with God. Sunday morning service needs to be the supplement for the intimacy that I'm building each day.
To honor my marriage, I must give myself to my husband sexually. If I go to God with my emotional needs, I will affair-proof my marriage and achieve intimacy like never before.
Lord, help us to be people who are connected to you. Please help us find ways to achieve intimacy and meet the emotional needs that we have in our lives. Let us not use sex as a weapon against our spouses, but let us come together in a way that honors you both in and outside of the bedroom. Amen.
Related Resource: 3 Simple Ways to Feed Your Spouse More Praise
How often do you intentionally stop to praise your spouse? To recognize and affirm their character or actions? Many of us probably cringe at answering these questions because we know we could do better! If you struggle to feed your spouse praise regularly, this episode is for you. Listen in as we share some practical steps we all can take to criticize less and affirm and build up our spouse more. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to Team Us on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode.
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