Seek a Counselor’s Help
By: Michelle Lazurek
"The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice." Proverbs 12:15
No marriage is perfect. Every marriage has its ups and downs. A few years ago, my marriage hit a rough patch. Work tensions, strife in our personal lives, and financial hardship all deeply impacted our marriage. These tensions culminated in huge fights over issues we could never seem to resolve. Betrayals hung over our shoulders, eroding at our mutual trust.
My husband and I found ourselves fighting all the time. Whether we fought about who was next to do the dishes or a more significant issue, we couldn't go a day without fighting. We started avoiding each other because we didn't want to become embroiled in another conflict. If we were to save our marriage, we needed to seek help.
Luckily, a Christian counselor was just down the street from our home. This counselor helped us brainstorm ways to improve our communication, express ourselves in ways that didn't conjure up huge emotions, and start digging deeper into the issues within our marriage.
While we couldn't resolve all the issues in our marriage, we worked on our communication, increased our listening skills, and spoke openly about our feelings without hiding them.
In today's world, counseling still carries a stigma. People often think a couple going to counseling is on the verge of divorce. While this might impact some couples, we wanted to get a handle on some of our deeper issues before divorce became a subject. Although ending our marriage did cross both our minds, we knew we were committed for the long haul.
We wanted to honor our commitments to each other and to God. We sought the help of a third party to help us sort out our issues, improve our communication, and resolve the conflict before it became too late.
The verse above dictates that many people want to hide their issues rather than bring them into the light and seek the help of a third party. Some people don't want to deal with the stigma of seeing a counselor because they're afraid people will think the worst of them in their marriage. People who don't want to seek the help of a third party because of fear of what people will think are considered foolish.
However, counseling helps people deal with issues effectively and can also help people who want to improve their marriage and thrive instead of merely surviving. The people who seek and listen to advice from others are wise and can be teachable. They can hear other people's points of view and discern the best course of action for the marriage. It takes great courage to accept responsibility and recognize that the marriage is not what they want it to be.
Above all, they realized there are couples representing Christ individually and as a couple. When couples seek to work out their issues privately without the help of a counselor, they foolishly waste an opportunity to have a highly successful marriage. This often ends in divorce because couples can't make it work.
Evaluate your marriage. Are you thriving in your marriage, or are you merely surviving? Do you find yourself fighting all the time with your spouse? Can you seek the help of a counselor, even just for a few sessions, to see if you can uncover some deeper issues behind your conflict?
There's no shame in asking for help. People who need help always find people who can provide answers. By seeking the help of a counselor, not only do they have the best chance of reviving their marriage, but they also grow more profoundly as people. This demonstrates the Christ-like character God wants for us.
Prayer:
Father, let us be people who are not foolish and don't throw away growth opportunities. Let us be people who seek the wise counsel of others who can help us in our time of need. By seeking the help of counselors, we can be not only better people but also better couples. Let us bring our issues to light so they may be exposed and resolved effectively. Amen.
Related Resource: 3 Simple Ways to Feed Your Spouse More Praise
How often do you intentionally stop to praise your spouse? To recognize and affirm their character or actions? Many of us probably cringe at answering these questions because we know we could do better! If you struggle to feed your spouse praise regularly, this episode is for you. Listen in as we share some practical steps we all can take to criticize less and affirm and build up our spouse more. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to Team Us on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode.
