Grieving Together
By: Vivian Bricker
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Revelation 21:4).
On the day of your wedding, you don’t think about all of the bad things that could happen over the course of your life. All you are thinking about is marrying your best friend and the life you will have together. This is perfectly normal and blissful, yet sometimes, it can be a disadvantage. It can be a disadvantage in that no one has spoken of the concept of dealing with grief before you both got married.
If neither spouse has gone through a period of grief, it probably didn’t pass either the husband or the wife’s mind. And know that this is entirely okay. However, it is crucial to start learning how to manage grief together. As a married couple, it is essential to take time to understand each other and help one another during times of grief. Parents, friends, and even children may pass away. This is why it is necessary to learn how to process grief together.
During grief, it is easy to lock yourself away. This was certainly true for me after my mother passed away. I no longer wanted to talk to anyone, including those closest to me. Grief has a way of self-isolating you and taking you into a deep darkness—a darkness that is only known to those who have walked through it before. Therefore, in a way, it is hard to be prepared for grief without knowing what to look for in the first place.
You must lean on each other whenever you or your spouse goes through grief. Whether you are both experiencing sorrow at the same time or not, you need to lean on your spouse and allow your spouse to lean on you. As husband and wife, you have a special bond that cannot be easily broken. Utilize this special bond by connecting with one another on a deeper level. Share your feelings, and don’t be afraid to be honest with your unfiltered thoughts.
If you are the one going through grief, tell your spouse exactly what is on your mind. They will not be afraid of your real feelings and thoughts because they love you. In the same way, if your spouse is the one going through grief, become a safe place for them. This will help them have comfort, peace, and security in knowing they can share all of their feelings with you. Husbands and wives, it is time to step away from the “polished” look of social media and simply be real.
We don’t need to waste our time trying to portray ourselves as “perfect” because none of us are. Our spouse knows this, and so does God. Rather than continuing to try to put on an armor of perfection, we need to be honest and real in our dealings with our spouses. After all, our spouse is the person we are around all the time—there is no way we can fake every action each day. This includes the process of grieving because our spouse will see every tear we cry.
There will also be times when husbands and wives will grieve together. This might be due to the loss of a child or falling on unfortunate times. Husbands and wives can learn to grieve together by building each other up, being a safe space for each other, and, most importantly, turning to the Lord. The Lord will be able to help you and your spouse feel the comfort and peace that you both need.
Our Bible verse today tells us this truth, “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Revelation 21:4). This passage tells us that God will wipe away every tear from our eyes, death will be eradicated, and there will be no more mourning, crying, or pain. Instead, a new order of things will be brought in, prompting the establishment of the New Heaven and New Earth.
When you and your spouse are grieving together, find comfort in God. He sees each tear you shed, and He will surround you both with comfort. The pain you are feeling now might endure for a long time, but it will not last for all eternity. A day will come when all of your pain, tears, and grief will be fully healed. Look forward to this day with your spouse, and allow God’s love, peace, and hope to fill your heart.
“Dear God, please help my spouse and I to learn how to grieve together. Please also help me to know what to do when my spouse is going through grief, and please help them to know what to do when I’m going through grief. Help us both look forward to the New Heaven and New Earth, where every tear will be wiped away by You. I give You all the praise. Amen.”
Related Resource: 3 Simple Ways to Feed Your Spouse More Praise
How often do you intentionally stop to praise your spouse? To recognize and affirm their character or actions? Many of us probably cringe at answering these questions because we know we could do better! If you struggle to feed your spouse praise regularly, this episode is for you. Listen in as we share some practical steps we all can take to criticize less and affirm and build up our spouse more. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to Team Us on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode.
