Waiting for Perfect
By Dawn Mast
Thursday, November 9, 2017
It seemed harmless. After-all, I was doing something good and normal. But deep down I knew it was a cover up for something. I wasn’t sure what, so until I figured it out, I’d just keep on doing it!
What, you ask, could I possibly be doing that would double as sinister and good all at once?
Yes, indeed. I was cleaning. Lots and lots of cleaning.
I’m not referring to your normal quick dust, run the vacuum, throw some glass cleaner on the windows to do damage control cleaning. This was beyond what anyone could imagine.
This cleaning involved Q-tips and toothpicks (you do not want to get these confused in your make-up application, ear cleaning, or checking for the doneness of baked goods.) There was a tremendous satisfaction of deep, intense cleaning of the stove, refrigerator, sink and floors.
I equated it to a clean soul. A purging of sin and troubling thoughts. So, on I cleaned. Late into the night, while my husband was away on a medical rotation.
It was almost 2 AM before I stopped. I was exhausted and I smelled like Soft Scrub. Things weren’t quite perfect, but I needed to go to work in a few hours so I had to get some sleep.
As I lay there, I wondered why I had to clean so hard when our apartment wasn’t even messy. It was just 2 adults and a small dog, so why was I working so hard, long into the night on something that didn’t need so much time and energy.
It was fear. Deep, awful, paralyzing fear and I was trying to wash it away!
Being alone absolutely terrified me, but there was more to it. If things were perfectly spic-and-span spotless then I wouldn’t be afraid. I was under the impression that I could clean away feelings that were not Christ-like or that held me in bondage.
Messing up or disappointing people was tremendously daunting and I was in the grip of fear. My answer was to grab a sponge, some heavy duty cleaner and stay up almost all night.
However, we serve a gracious and immensely loving God. He will not hold our sins against us, nor will He allow us to stay paralyzed in the grip of fear, if we trust Him.
Slowly, (over the course of years, because I’m a slow learner!) the Lord was ever so patient with me, as He showed me that I didn’t need to be perfect to come before Him. My home and my heart could be a raging mess and He could handle it.
He so gently, and with holy wisdom, got me to see His unending deep love for me. He doesn’t base it on my feelings, my vacuuming skills or my ability to make a pie crust. My salvation, nor yours, is based on us being perfect or fearless.
It’s based on HIS decision to love us unconditionally and we can never change that!
Now, I laugh a little because I’ve slacked off too much when it comes to cleaning. We have 4 children, 2 dogs, and a constant revolving door of friends, family and soccer players in and out of our home.
If I had to clean it based on the standards I held myself to years ago, I would lose my ever loving mind!
Just the other day a friend stopped over and a huge tumbleweed of dog hair rolled across the floor. I just smiled and said, “Thank you, Jesus!”
We all have something that grabs hold of us and seems to not want to let go. Whether it’s frequent shopping sprees, a fondness for excess food or lack of time management, the Lord sees what is tripping us up. It’s not too much for Him and because He is perfect, He can help us.
What do you need to pray about today, release to Him and allow His perfection to heal your imperfections? He’s more than able.
Thank you, Perfect God for being able when I feel unable! There are many things I try to do that I’m incapable of or that I just haven’t time for. I put too much on my plate and I act perfect so that no one sees my imperfections. Lord, forgive me for that and as I hand my short comings to You, I ask that people would see the real me, honest and raw, and that You would be glorified in that. I love that I can count on Your perfection! Amen!
© 2017 by Dawn Mast. All rights reserved.
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