Are Your Relationships Meaningful?
By Aaron D’Anthony Brown
“Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17)
What is a meaningful relationship?
There’s a certain conversation that plays out week after week on Sunday mornings. One person says, “Hey. How are you?” “Good,” the other responds, “How are you?” “Good,” the first answers, mirroring the second. This conversation probably sounds familiar. Most of us have either initiated or participated in such dialogue, inside and outside of church. But on the subject of Sunday mornings, what is the likelihood that every single Sunday, we’re actually doing good? Of all places to be dishonest, we pick the Lord’s house.
This brings us to an important question. Are our relationships meaningful? Don’t be too quick to answer. If our relationships are meaningful, why do we bestow the label of friend upon people who aren’t close to us? Why do we even have superficial conversations at church, a place where we are called to be vulnerable?
Much like the worldly culture surrounding us, the church has also lost sight of what constitutes meaningful relationships. Instead of calling someone an acquaintance, we say friend. Instead of communicating when something bothers us, we keep quiet to avoid offending. Though these behaviors mark our present day, they are not indications of meaningful relationships. Not according to biblical standards.
The Book of Psalms and Proverbs especially help us understand how to cultivate depth, even when someone is not our friend. We learn how to communicate and handle conflict. We also receive admonishment for better listening, prioritizing other people, making time for others, and ultimately, treating people the way that we would want to be treated. The lessons are there, we just have to heed them.
After all, we go to church not just for the sermon but for people and not just to learn but to put what we learn into practice. If we are to be one body, one family, and one church, then we should treat each other accordingly. What better day to start than today?
Intersecting Faith and Life:
The relationship dilemma at church, though widespread, is not insurmountable. After identifying any problem, next comes the solution. In fact, here are five different ways we can add more depth to our interactions.
Pause
One reason we have superficial exchanges at church and elsewhere is because we’re in a rush to our next destination. Instead of being in the moment with the person we’re speaking to, we feign politeness and keep moving. But lying isn’t polite, and if the person needed help but didn’t immediately know how to ask, who are we to pass them by? Take a moment. Pause. Be present.
Listen
When you reflect on your day-to-day conversations, what’s the ratio of you listening as opposed to talking? If we’re being honest, many of us opt to talk instead of listening, but Scripture makes clear what should come first and more often. Be quick not to speak, but listen.
Ask Questions
A good way to practice speaking less and listening more is to ask questions. Making inquiries of the other person helps them feel recognized, seen, and important. The same way we feel when people ask questions of us. Moreover, questions give them an incentive to keep talking.
Initiate
Do you wait around for people to ask you to hang out or do you initiate? The answer is easy when we’re considering an already-established relationship. You likely answer differently, though, when thinking about those you don’t know well. New relationships could be on the horizon, but you need effort to get there.
Appreciate
Another way to make people feel special is to give thanks. Not just for the obvious things like gifts or a ride to work. Thank people for spending time with you, for sharing secrets, and simply for being your friend.
As Christians, we profess a Jesus kind of love. That kind of love makes time for others, listens intently, asks questions, initiates, and offers plenty of gratitude. Trade in what’s superficial for what’s real, and let’s perfect the church today.
Further Reading (and Listening):
- “Perfecting Church” by Marvin Winans & The Perfected Praise Choir
- Colossians 4:6
- Proverbs 18:2
- 1 Peter 4:8
- Proverbs 17:17
Photo credit: ©PlayBackMedia/Sparrowstock
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