When the Young Adult That You Love Strays
By: Maina Mwaura
Bible Reading:
We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all. - Isaiah 53:6
As a former youth pastor, one of the things that I cherish the most is running into former students. So in one week, two students that I had the privilege of ministering to crossed my path at the same time, which was not unusual, being that I have lived in the same city on and off for over twenty-five years. What was unusual was the differing paths that both students have taken.
I can still remember when Thomas and Chris both made professions of faith at the same camp. It was a summer that I will never forget, as both boys, now young men, were also baptized the same day. As Thomas approached me in the middle of the grocery store, I still remembered his face. Just as I locked eyes with Thomas, his wife and kids came around the corner. All I could think of was WOW, time flies. Thomas and his wife both love the Lord, and Thomas is even involved in the same church that I was on staff at many years ago. I walked away from that encounter, thrilled that Thomas was still on track. Although there was a moment in his life when he strayed, he had found his way back.
That same week, while eating lunch in another part of town, I ran into Chris. Chris walked in dressed in a suit and tie. He also looked just like he did in his former years. During my time with Chris, he mentioned that he cherished the years we had together, but that he had stepped outside the faith and hadn’t been involved in a church for years.
As Chris walked away, I couldn’t help but reflect on what went wrong and right with both Chris and Thomas. Although that’s the human thing to do, author Jim Burns would say that’s the wrong place to start. Recently, I spent some time with Jim Burns, who has written on the topic of young adult issues and dynamics, and has a new book titled When Your Young Adult Child Strays. Jim is clear that when a young adult strays, putting on the martyr badge isn’t the step that we should be taking. During my time with Jim, he assured me that God is okay with mess-ups, and in fact, we have an entire Hall of Faith in Hebrews that confirms this.
One of the key characteristics that both men mentioned during our time together was community. Both men mentioned either how much they loved their community or, in Thomas’ case, how much they missed it. Burns's research shows that 65% of young adults who strayed returned to their faith communities. I’m not surprised by this at all. Thomas mentioned that after he had strayed away from the church, it was his community of friends and a former Sunday School teacher who reached out to him in his time of need. Community, mixed in with being available for young adults, is one of the keys that brings those back who stray.
Intersecting Faith & Life:
Both men whom I had the privilege of ministering to were unique and different in their life choices. During my time with Chris, it was Jim Burns's words that I had to stay focused on most. Chris has made some life choices that clearly go against scripture, and although I wanted to add my thoughts and opinions, I had to remember the words of Jim: acceptance doesn’t mean approval. Often, when young adults stray, we love them either as their parents or, in my case, former students in my youth ministry, and we want to fix them. Jesus never tries to fix us; in fact, he does the opposite. Young adults don’t want to be fixed. In fact, I would go as far as to say that people in general don’t want to be fixed.
In bringing young adults back home into spiritually healthy communities, these three things will be of great help. Love them, try to point them into healthy communities of faith, and accept them for where they are in this stage of life. Another way is showing them the grace that you needed when you were their age. At the end of the day, according to Burns, young adults are simply asking, “Do you still love me”?
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