Stopping the Argument before It Starts
By: Laura Bailey
Bible Reading:
“The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.
Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.” - Ecclesiastes 7:8-9 NIV
I’ll admit it. I am a “get the last word” kind of gal. I could blame my fiery red hair, my explosive personality, or the fact that I received the argumentative gene from both my parents.
However, the truth is that I am a proud person.
Not only do I desire to have the final say, but I am also reluctant to admit that I was wrong and delay seeking forgiveness. Fully aware that this runs counter to the admonishment to “ love your neighbor as yourself, (Matthew 22:39), I’ve spent a significant amount of time in both prayer and Bible study in the hopes that the Lord will tame my tongue and soften my heart.
I discovered these verses from Solomon in Ecclesiastes 7:8-9, “The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride. Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.” Whew, talk about a gut punch.
The book of Ecclesiastes is filled with sage advice and practical, godly wisdom on how to live in a way that pleases the Lord. Solomon succeeded his father, David, to the throne at a young age. Yet, God promised that he would be the wisest man who ever lived (1 Kings 3:12). Shortly after taking over the throne, his wisdom is on full display when he pacifies an argument between two mothers (3:16-28). Solomon knew the benefit of resolving conflicts quickly, while staying calm and in control of his emotions.
One of the best pieces of advice I’ve received was to wait a day before acting or responding to something that upset me. If I was still upset after a day, they encouraged me to wait a week. If I was still upset after a week, give it one more week. If, at the end of two weeks, it continued to bother me, then I should reach out. By delaying my response, the hope was, in the words of my late grandmother, “everything eventually works itself out,” or I would be clear-headed enough to have the conversation without letting my emotions prompt me to say something I would later regret.
Solomon’s words echo this same sentiment, but he takes it a step further. He tells us, just let it go, don’t stew on it, don’t bring it back up, lay it rest. While I understand that there are things we should address, offenses that we should not overlook, and grievances that are suitable for airing, but, in my experience, the majority of things that “steal our joy” are not significant; they are petty and rooted in our personal pride and selfish desires.
I love how The Message translates Ecclesiastes 7:9, “Don’t be quick to fly off the handle. Anger boomerangs. You can spot a fool by the lumps on his head.” I am sure, if I ever shaved my head, there would be a copious amount of scars pocking my cranium. God gave us feelings; anger is not only normal but natural. The Lord knew that there would be things in this life that cause us strife and lead us to frustration, and as a result, our anger would be stirred. However, while anger is an appropriate response to injustice, wickedness, evil, and the widespread hurt and harm that pervade our lives, we must not let our anger control us; instead, we learn to control our anger.
We take a step back, we humbly submit our feelings to the Lord, and weigh our response in light of God’s Word. We ask ourselves, are we acting in godly wisdom or human foolishness? Our words have lasting consequences. Our outward actions tell our inward hearts’ motivations. May we prioritize caring for people and relationships over our pride and desire to be right as we seek to love our neighbors as ourselves, because we love the Lord with all our heart, soul, and mind (Mark 12:30).
Intersecting Faith & Life:
Next time you find yourself on the brink of conflict, try taking a day or a week to respond. During this time, journal your feelings and thoughts about the situation. Pray that the Lord will give you clear direction on whether to let it go or address it with biblical wisdom.
Further Reading:
Speak Life-Giving Words
Philippians 2:1-11
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/fizkes
She lives in Upstate South Carolina with her husband and three young girls, where she serves as director of women's ministries at her church. Her passion is teaching the Bible to women, equipping them to live with an eternal perspective. Invite Laura to speak at your next event or learn more: www.LauraRBailey.com
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