Why It's Worth Learning How to Speak the Truth in Love
By Michelle Lazurek
“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.” - Ephesians 4:15
Conflict is never easy, especially when it comes to fellow believers. A repetitive conflict with a family member took me to the end of my rope. One day, I had enough. I expressed myself and told her how much her actions bothered me. But she never changed her ways. Every time we came in contact, the conversation would soon turn negative, resulting in negative comments and complaints. “Do you listen to yourself? Is that the type of way Christians treat other people?” Another verbal drama ensued.
But then something interesting happened. The following day, I noticed her treatment of me was not the same. She spoke kind words, didn't argue, and completed my requests the first time I asked. Before this, I’d been kind and forgave her every time her Christian walk and actions didn't match. But when I expressed my disapproval, it was enough for her to analyze her life.
It is important to have people who speak truth into our lives. These people help us see life from a different perspective. They help us see not only where we may be in denial about sinful behaviors, but also help us to see how those sinful behaviors may be affecting not only our lives, but also our witness to others. Verse 14 gives us the reason why speaking the truth in love is so important to have people in our lives who help us see God’s truth from the world’s truth. “Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming.” We need community not only to help us discern God’s truth from the world’s truth, but we also need both encouragers and prophets in our midst.
Both encouragers and prophets have their place in our lives. Prophets reveal truth that help us grow into spiritually mature believers. Encouragers make us feel good and spur us on to courageous actions. Encouragers make us feel good in the short- term. Prophets give us meaningful words that help make our lives better in the long- term.
It's never easy to be the person who speaks truth into someone's life. In society, it is counter-cultural to judge someone, for fear they may feel shame or condemnation. However, judgment does not lead to condemnation; it simply leads us to the Holy Spirit, who convicts us of all sin. However, it is important that we earn our right to speak into each other's lives. Often, we know each other on a superficial basis only. When we notice behaviors that are not in alignment with God's word, we are quick to point them out. However, we have not earned a person’s trust to speak to them in that way. We must do the work of getting to know people and building trust and intimacy before we can point out issues in their lives. Healthy relationships are ones in which are built on trust and intimacy. When one of these is missing, we speak to people and point out their sinful acts, but the words fall on deaf ears.
When we love others, we will speak the truth to them. But we must do our due diligence in getting to know people in an intimate way before we speak the truth to them. When we choose to invest in people through healthy relationships, not only can we speak the truth in love, but we can also encourage them and spur them on toward love and good deeds.
Father, help us speak truth into the lives of people we love. Let us not shy away from telling people the truth so they may grow into spiritually mature believers. However, let us do our due diligence and emotionally invest in people through encouragement before we choose to speak into their lives and point out sinful behaviors. Let us become more like you and meet their needs first before we speak into their lives. Amen.
Intersecting Faith & Life:
Is there someone in your life to whom you need to speak the truth? What prevents you from doing so?
Further Reading:
James 4:17
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/izkes
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