One of the most beautiful blueprints ever designed has been God's plan for marriage. Established before there was any sin in the world, marriage illustrates God's perfect design for relationships.
Let's consult the architect for three ways to live in this wonderful establishment called marriage. We'll use proverbs 24:3-4 as our home base: "By wisdom a house is built, by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches."
God's pattern for marriage is simple: wisdom, understanding, and knowledge.
"By wisdom a house is built ..."
First, let's lay the foundation. The word "built" comes from the Hebrew word that means "to restore." It's the same word God used when he took the rib from Adam's chest and rebuilt it into a woman. God says it takes wisdom to build this kind of house. "Wisdom" essentially means "seeing with discernment." It's the idea of seeing a broad picture of something. When you choose to look at the broad picture rather than the petty details, you build a strong foundation.
"By understanding a house is established ..."
"Established" in Hebrew means to set in order something that is cluttered or to stand upright something that has fallen. If wisdom is seeing with discernment, then this second piece is responding to something you see with insight. How can you do that? With understanding.
In other words, an irritation I would normally take personally, I don't take personally any longer. A conflict that cuts into my plan will not irritate me if I have wisdom and understanding. I will see it as God sees it, as good or necessary for me at this time.
"By knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches."
"Knowledge" implies "perception" here. It carries with it a sympathy that comes with learning. As I grow in knowledge of my wife, I increase my perception of her. I say with my actions: I am listening. I am learning. I am open. Knowledge, when it's combined with wisdom and understanding, Proverbs says, fills your home with precious and pleasant riches. What does that mean? It means that your relationship will be filled with the things that won't burn up if a fire strikes.
Man has turned it the other way! So many are mesmerized into thinking, "All we need, honey, are more things." But misery just increases just as our rooms remain empty of God's riches. God says, "By wisdom it can be restored. By understanding it can be set right. By knowledge those rooms can have those qualities that never burn up."
Now before you pass this newsletter onto your spouse with the instructions, "Here, honey, read how you should change," remember the place to start remodeling your marriage is with you. I have found that someone can be fulfilled in the most difficult circumstances if he has wisdom, understanding, and knowledge, or is working toward that end. But, I have also found individuals that have a built-in, perfect opportunity for a happy wisdom but lack wisdom, knowledge, and understanding, and they're miserable. It's remarkable. Charlie Shedd was right, "Marriage is not just finding the right person, it's being the right person." Ask the Architect to build within you a heart of wisdom, knowledge, and understanding of your mate.
From Insights Newsletter Vol. 10, No. 2. February 2000. Adapted from "Let's Consult the Architect," Strike the Original Match audiocassette series (Anaheim, Calif.: Insight for Living, 1992) SOM01.
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