Christian Foundations

DEVOTIONAL ARCHIVE

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by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Several years ago, God gave us the wonderful privilege of helping a couple resurrect a marriage that seemed to be beyond hope. The changes were dramatic. Their commitment to Christ and to each other was real, and they grew steadily in their relationship.

But one day the wife came in, discouraged once more about their marriage. Apparently she and her husband had reached an impasse. Each time they argued about the problem, the husband threatened to leave-a tactic from the past. Unwisely, he was saturating their relationship with the fear that maybe he would follow through this time.

One of the Ten Commandments of marriage should be: Never threaten to leave. This threat creates cracks in the commitment, erodes the security of total acceptance and fuels fear.

In addition, threats rarely cause a person to change. They only communicate rejection. God gave us an example to follow. He didn't tell us only once that He loved us; He told us often and in many ways.

Your mate needs to hear words of commitment and acceptance from you, not just once but many, many times. Tell your mate often how much you love him or her.

Each time a difficulty arises in your relationship-a misunderstanding, a difference or a clash of wills-remind your mate (even in the heat of battle, if necessary) that you intend to remain loyal to him or her. Assure your mate that your commitment will not change. These infusions of truth will become the reinforcements you both need to work through difficulties in your marriage. Your marriage covenant reminds you to persevere.

Also, tell your mate occasionally that you'd choose to marry him or her again. On occasions when I've said this to Barbara she's responded with, "Really?" What she's saying to me in those times is, "I don't feel very lovable right now. In fact, I don't like myself. Are you sure you still like me?" She needs words that reinforce my love for her.

Prayer:

Thank God for giving you your mate, no matter what problems you face. Reaffirm your marriage covenant with God together in prayer.

Discuss: Write out a letter that tells your spouse in as many ways as possible that you would marry him or her all over again. Read it to your spouse.

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