Christian Foundations
DEVOTIONAL ARCHIVE
by Dennis and Barbara Rainey
Husbands and wives sometimes discover it takes years of living together to create an atmosphere that is safe for total openness with each other. Part of the passage above is inscribed inside Barbara's wedding band: "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear." I work at making this message reassuring to Barbara. For example, I'm more outgoing in groups than Barbara. When we're at a party, I'll pick up a lagging conversation by asking questions. But I frequently err by not allowing time for Barbara, who is not as aggressive, to enter into the conversation.
Early in our marriage, we would drive home after an evening like this and I would say, "Goodness, Sweetheart, we were with those people for several hours and you didn't say two or three words all evening!"
Barbara would reply, "Well, you didn't give me a chance!" We would usually drive a few blocks in silence and I would apologize for not including her. Later I would ask what she thought of one of the people at the party, and she would begin to make profound observations about what had taken place that evening and what had been said. She has keen insights and perceptions about people. I've learned to rely on her insights.
Instead of getting irritated or resentful when Barbara is sometimes reluctant to share her feelings, I see that my behavior can be intimidating to her, and that's a form of fear.
We both know that we are totally committed to each other, and I want to be more sensitive to her disposition. I've also sought ways to gently encourage Barbara to open up-and she's learning to take more risks as well.
Although we've been married since 1972, we are still learning how to love one another perfectly so that fear never has a grip in our lives.
That just as you want your faith and trust in God to grow, you can grow as a couple to trust each other completely and feel safe with each other.
Discuss: How are you different from your mate? How can these differences be handled in a way that makes your relationship a totally safe "environment" for each other?
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