My mother's sons were angry with me; they made me caretaker of the vineyards. SONG OF SOLOMON 1:6
Song of Solomon is filled with wonderful insights on love and marriage. Many of them have been well taught through sermons and conferences and Bible studies. But some of the deepest lessons lie between the lines, where you see what's really going on in this ancient yet timeless relationship between Solomon and his bride.
Solomon's young bride did not arrive as a woman already refined and elegant—fit for a king. Instead, the Scriptures indicate that she had a humble, impoverished upbringing. Rather than having the milky complexion of a highborn maiden, her skin was dark and weathered from physical, outside work (as seen in today's verse).
As a result, she brought some needs from her past into her relationship with Solomon. And, men, your wife probably did too.
Yet rather than rejecting her because of her past problems and background, Solomon provided his wife with a love that cast out fear. He gave her the security of knowing that he accepted her just the way she was. When he referred to his Shulammite bride as "my darling" (1:15), he used a term that carried connotations of a shepherd—one who fiercely cares for, guards and tends to his charge.
Men, we need Solomon's kind of passion for rescuing and protecting our wife's heart and accepting whatever difficulties from her family upbringing and past may still be troublesome for her. Give her the freedom to struggle with her past without her feeling demeaned or pressured. That freedom comes when she experiences your consistent, committed love to her.
Talk about some of the past family issues that sometimes still surface in your mind and cause you difficulty. What do you each need the other to know about how these affect you?
Ask God to help you forgive each other for failing to be as understanding as you should about the heartaches of the past. Husband, pray too that God would enable you to love your wife with the kind of love that casts out all fear.