Christian Foundations

Refuge for Loneliness in Family Conflict

Lets go through twelve areas that God's Word addresses--one at a time, and see the situation, feel David’s loneliness and then see the solution God showed him and then recorded for our use in this wonderful book—the Bible! 

1.  David suffers the intense loneliness of family disappointments. David was overlooked, ignored and even disliked by his family in First Samuel 16-18. He is left out of family gatherings, unrecognized for great achievements and basically left alone much of the time to do his “job” with the family’s flock of sheep. David is the giant killer and writes Psalms 8-9—how to overcome the feelings of loneliness when we are disappointed. David found God was with him while alone as a young shepherd boy writing Psalms 19 and 23. He had many a lonely night in the fields, the woods and the hill sides of Judea. Instead of hating and fleeing those lonely times, he turned them into meditations upon the faithfulness of God. Psalm 19 has three basic lessons: v. 1-6 explains that David meditated upon the character of God when he was alone; v. 7-11 explains that David listened to the Word of God when he was alone; v. 12-14 explains that David feared the disapproval God (heeded His Word) when he was alone. Psalm 23 is the testimony of what you can learn about God in times of loneliness. Listen to David’s testimony of what he experienced, what he clung to from his long dark nights, and long lonely days. As you listen, ask the Lord to give you the same desire, then echo each of David’s affirmations and make them your own testimony. Confess these loneliness lessons and find them true!  

Next We Find David’s Testimony of God’s Closeness During Life as David Was in His Peak Or His Strong Years

2.  David suffers intense loneliness as he faces family conflict and danger. These times of danger are from his boss and father-in-law King Saul. Instead of being eaten up by the intense loneliness he must have felt with job and family pressures all dumped on him at once--he expresses his needs to God.  

His prayerful responses to these tough times are captured in the Psalms and show a pathway through loneliness to the One who is closest of all. The setting for Psalm 59 is I  Sam 19:11 as Saul tries to murder him, in that time of feeling so alone David writes Psalm 59—how to overcome the feelings of loneliness when we are in danger. 

Here is the key--David always remembered that God was with him; that is the ultimate cure for lonely times. 

Psalm 59:1-17 To the Chief Musician. Set to "Do Not Destroy." A Michtam of David when Saul sent men, and they watched the the house in order to kill him.

• v. 1 [HE TURNS TO GOD] Deliver me from my enemies, O my God; Defend me from those who rise up against me. 2 Deliver me from the workers of iniquity, And save me from bloodthirsty men. 3 For look, they lie in wait for my life; The mighty gather against me, Not [for] my transgression nor [for] my sin, O LORD. 4 They run and prepare themselves through no fault [of mine.] Awake to help me, and behold! 5 You therefore, O LORD God of hosts, the God of Israel, Awake to punish all the nations; Do not be merciful to any wicked transgressors. Selah 6 At evening they return, They growl like a dog, And go all around the city. 7 Indeed, they belch with their mouth; Swords [are] in their lips; For [they say,] "Who hears?" 8 But You, O LORD, shall laugh at them; You shall have all the nations in derision.
• v. 9 [HE TRUSTS IN GOD]  I will wait for You, [O You] his Strength; For God [is] my defense; 10 My God of mercy shall come to meet me; God shall let me see [my desire] on my enemies. 11 Do not slay them, lest my people forget; Scatter them by Your power, And bring them down, O Lord our shield. 12 [For] the sin of their mouth [and] the words of their lips, Let them even be taken in their pride, And for the cursing and lying [which] they speak. 13 Consume [them] in wrath, consume [them,] That they [may] not [be;] And let them know that God rules in Jacob To the ends of the earth. Selah 14 And at evening they return, They growl like a dog, And go all around the city. 15 They wander up and down for food, And howl if they are not satisfied.
• v. 16 [HE TRIUMPHS THROUGH GOD] But I will sing of Your power; Yes, I will sing aloud of Your mercy in the morning; For You have been my defense And refuge in the day of my trouble. 17 To You, O my Strength, I will sing praises; For God [is] my defense, My God of mercy. (NKJV) 

Psalm 59 has several key defenses to the paralysis of loneliness during times of conflict and danger. Note these truths David found (circle them or underline them in your Bibles) and then ask your self ‘are these personalized in my life?’  

David says the Lord is:  

A defense (v. 9); a supply of mercy delivered (v. 10); a shield (v. 11); the ruler of all (v. 13); a defense and refuge in the day of trouble (v. 16); strength, defense, and mercy (v. 17). Now look back over those verses and change this from mere facts to personal reality.  This method can transform your Bible study.  This is how to apply God's Word to your life each day!

Here is how we do that. Note what David actually said starting in v. 9 “God is my defense”. He made it personal. He reached out and touched God by faith—and so can we when we face family conflict and danger. Remember this was David’s habit since his youth.  

Can’t you just hear him singing that 23^rd Psalm out on the hills of Judea during those long and lonely nights? The Lord is MY Shepherd, I shall not want, He makes ME… 

Go through David’s list and make it yours. Say to the Lord from your heart right now with me:

v. 9 Be my defense; v. 10 deliver mercy to me; v. 11 be my shield; v. 13 rule over my life; v. 16 be my refuge in times of trouble; v. 17 be my strength today, show me Your mercy now I need it so, and defend me from this painful loneliness! 

See also Psalm 11 where the Lord always watches us. Like a dad on duty at the park with a small child so defenseless—keeps his eyes always upon them ready to spring into action as needed. 

Psalm 64 where the Lord makes us glad (v. 10) even in our sad and lonely times. 

• Are you feeling the loneliness of youth? Jesus says I am always with you!
• Are you feeling the loneliness of life facing family conflict and danger?  Jesus says I am always with you!
• Are you feeling the loneliness of job loss, and family separation? Jesus says I am always with you!
• Are you feeling the loneliness of moving to a new location that is very foreign to you? Jesus says I am always with you!
• Are you feeling the loneliness of living and working with a tough crowd? Jesus says I am always with you!
• Are you feeling the loneliness of unemployment and unsettled home life?  Jesus says I am always with you!
• Are you feeling the loneliness of betrayal by friends?  Jesus says I am always with you!
• Are you feeling the loneliness of being wronged in a business deal?  Jesus says I am always with you!
• Are you feeling the loneliness of the complete loss of his family, friends, and finances?  Jesus says I am always with you!
• Are you feeling the loneliness of temptation and failure? Jesus says I am always with you!
• Are you feeling the loneliness of chastisement and restoration?  Jesus says I am always with you!
• Are you feeling the loneliness of old age? Jesus says I am always with you!