"Twenty Questions," "I Spy," "The Price is Right"?these games all take on new meaning when played by divorced parents and their children. It's all too easy for parents to compete for their children's loyalty, but remember, a united front is still the best approach to parenting, divorce or no divorce.

In all fairness, kids play divorce games, too. They often pit parents against each other, vying for the "best deal."

A thirteen-year-old told me her mom comes home from work every day and lies down, too tired and upset to cook. Another teenager, Lacey, has to beg her mom to take a few bites of food. "I really worry about her," Lacey told me.

"Sometimes I feel I'm my dad's mother," another teenage girl told me. "I send him little cards to cheer him up. He's always depressed when I see him."

It's easy for a parent recovering from divorce to collapse and let someone else care for him or her for a while. But children aren't equipped to handle the role reversal. They need the freedom to be children. While it's good for kids to help around the house, don't let them take on too much responsibility. It's not healthy for them to be consumed with worry for their parents' ability to survive.

I've heard this thought expressed many times: "Hey, my parents were Christians, and they couldn't make it work, so there's no hope for me."

Sensitive to their maturity level, be honest with kids about why the divorce happened. Many parents shrug off their kids' curiosity with "You're too young to understand."

But children of divorce need to know so they can keep from making those same mistakes and breaking those commitments. Be encouraging, hopeful, and strong when you talk to children about their future marriage partners. Tell them to wait and trust God's timing, and reassure them that you're praying now for the person they'll one day marry.

If theirs was a fairly happy home, or if they were ignorant about the problems in the marriage, children may have only good memories of the time their family was intact. Those memories grow more precious as time goes on. They may resent a stepparent because remarriage means the old marriage will never be restored.

Again, be honest?let them know it's okay to remember past happiness, but happiness can be found in the future, too.

One golden rule for divorced parenting is this: Give children the freedom to love their other parent (even their stepparents!). No matter how clear the ex-husband's faults, no matter how rotten or lousy the marriage was, a child needs to be able to choose to love and admire both parents. After all, when one parent is constantly criticized, in effect the child is being criticized as well.

I counseled one teenage girl who couldn't stand her mom's constant criticism of her father. The more the mother complained about his drinking and irresponsibility, the more the daughter resented her mother and idolized her "misunderstood" father. Finally the daughter tried to run away to the father she'd mentally built up into heroic proportions. When running away failed, she tried to commit suicide.

"Can you see your father really is irresponsible?" I gently asked her later. "He couldn't take care of you if he wanted to."

"I know," she admitted, "but I can't think about him that way. I have to think about him in my own way."

She wasn't ready to face the hard truth; time and maturity will open her eyes. And when that revelation occurs, I hope she'll look to our heavenly Father as the perfect, caring substitute for her earthly dad.

Children of divorce must handle some pretty tough situations, and they need help and encouragement to "hang in there." Don't hesitate to admit you don't have all the answers, but you know where to find them. Christ freely offers his strength and his hope. And his forgiveness is ours to extend to others.