Debbie Fahmie is the music specialist at Cypress Elementary School in Osceola County, Florida, and president of the Florida Elementary Music Educators Association. She uses music education to build character—and especially to encourage empathy in young people. She has a heart for students with problems and needs.

"The neediest of students," she told me, "are the ones who made me really dig deep into my soul. It's the students who are life's 'throw-aways,' the 'unlovable kids,' who inspire me and bring out my empathy for others. I don't believe a person can have true character without empathy for all of humankind. The person of true character will do good to others—not to be recognized, but simply because it's the right thing to do.

"I use cooperative learning to bring out my students' empathy for each other. I teach my students how to help the child who is struggling, how to befriend the unlovable child, how to bring out the best in others around them. Again and again, my students discover it feels good to do good to others. Instead of bribing kids with candy and tokens, we should motivate kids to seek that inner incentive and warm feeling of doing good to others. That intrinsic reward is so much more valuable than a material incentive.

"Music is the perfect medium for allowing students to experience the harmony of working together and the pitfalls of focusing purely on self. Empathy and humility work together in the lives of these students to produce character and compassion. If we can influence young people to become caring and compassionate, we will give a wonderful gift to the world."

4. Teach young people to take satisfaction rather than pride in their accomplishments. When children perform well or achieve a goal, it's good for them to feel that warm glow of joy that comes from a job well done. But let them know that arrogant or disrespectful behavior is not permitted.

When kids excel in academics, sports, music, or some other endeavor, monitor their attitude and behavior. Be alert to signals that they feel superior or look down upon their peers. Encourage good sportsmanship. Help them understand that people of great character acknowledge the achievements of others; only small-minded people engage in smack talk and put-downs.

Encourage your kids to use their abilities to serve God and help others. Teach them to enjoy the feeling of a job well done and to thank God for His gifts of talent, strength, and health which make it possible for us to achieve our goals. Everything we have is a gift. We can't take credit for a gift; we can only be grateful to the Giver.

5. Set a zero-tolerance policy toward disrespectful attitudes and talk. Children should never be permitted to behave rudely or use profane language. Train them to speak and behave respectfully from an early age. Make it clear that you will listen to your kids and consider any complaint or object they may have—as long as it is stated respectfully.

Peter Roby, Director of Sport in Society at Northeastern University, told me a story from his boyhood. "My father will always be my hero and role model," he said. "He demanded that I show respect on the field or court towards the officials, opponents, and fans. When I was about ten and playing Little League baseball, I got visibly upset with an umpire's call on some of my pitches. When I came in after the inning, my father said, 'If you ever act disrespectfully to an umpire again, I'll come out on the field and drag you off the mound.' He expected me to respect everyone. I did from then on."

Here are some suggestions for dealing with kids who show disrespect: If a child becomes disrespectful during an argument or disagreement, stop the conversation and remind the child that you will only listen to his or her opinions if they are stated courteously. You might interrupt and say, "Would you like to restate that in a respectful tone?"