Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David Hawkins, director of the Marriage Recovery Center, will address questions from Crosswalk readers in his weekly column. Submit your question to TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

Dear Dr. David,

I read your column regularly and appreciate what you say. However, you rarely talk about what to do when a marriage fails. It seems like you avoid the issue of divorce, especially among Christians. I know that divorce is common, and it seems like we should be talking about it. We need to hear about what we can do to save our marriages that are in trouble, as well as how to cope if they fail.

I am a thirty-five year old woman, with two children, whose husband decided he didn't want to be married anymore and left suddenly. I know they say that I should have seen it coming, but I didn't. Of course, we had our share of problems, but I always thought we worked most of them out. Several months ago he left suddenly, breaking my heart and confusing our children. He won't really talk to me, and I don't know if there is anything I can still do to try to save things, or if I have to accept the inevitable. I feel like I'm living on pins and needles, waiting for him to give me the bad news. Your advice is appreciated. ~ Brokenhearted

Dear Brokenhearted,

Thank you for writing. Your letter touched my heart and I'm sure it will touch the hearts of other readers as well.

You are right that many Christians refuse to talk about divorce. There seems to be a silence about this topic—it's as if we want to pretend it doesn't exist, much like we do with addictions and other common problems. We talk about the power of God to heal any problem, yet don't talk much about the fact that God also gives us free will to make choices, no matter how destructive.

It also seems that we feel ashamed if we've failed in any way, especially with divorce. Divorce usually occurs after longstanding problems aren't resolved. Because many fail to develop healthy relationship skills, and lack emotional and spiritual maturity, relationships fail. However, we're all human—divorce happens and we need to face it. You're right that we need to not hide in shame, but openly talk about this problem.

There is little more painful than to be rejected by a mate, and I've written about these issues in my book, Love Lost. In this book I talk about the challenge of living in the confusing world between marriage and divorce. I discuss coping strategies, some of which I'll mention here.

First, remember that your marriage is not over until the papers are signed, and a lot can change between a mate moving out and divorce papers being signed. While I don't want to offer false hope, many marriages can be saved if certain actions are taken, and certain destructive actions are avoided.

Second, this is a time to take inventory. You note that you didn't see the separation coming—this is a time to prayerfully reflect on why your husband left, and determine to remedy everything in your power to change. Hopefully you've asked your husband to tell you his reasons for leaving. Listen carefully to his complaints, guarding against being defensive or blaming him for leaving. This doesn't mean you have to accept everything he says, but an attitude of openness and learning will be of great help to you.

Third, once you've learned your part, and issues to be addressed, set yourself on a course of correction. Undoubtedly you'll need professional assistance to not only cope with the loss of him leaving, but to assist you in making appropriate changes. Should the marriage not survive, you'll have established a supportive therapeutic relationship as well as begun the process of making helpful changes.